O is for OMG! [A-Z of Step-Parenting]

I’m cool! I’m hip! I’m trendy! Merely uttering these phrases means I never have been nor will I ever be. The closest to cool I’ve ever been is an ill-fated skiing trip to France as a teenager.

This inability to be up with trends has been exaggerated since I have become a lynch pin of a family unit with two lads who seem to be ahead of every trend and on some occasions even start their own.

A few years ago the lads got fed up of me borrowing their iPods. As a result they cobbled together enough cash from their mother’s purse to buy me one of my own. Great! However, they decided to set it up for me and loving named it the ‘Norris Pod’.

The nickname is an ode to the neurotic control freak ‘Norris’ who stalks the cobbled streets of Weatherfield in Coronation Street. This may well explain how uncool I really am, in their eyes anyway.

The level of ‘geek’ has increased with the invention of text speak and the speed in which it evolves. I had just mastered using the number 8 instead of ‘ate’ in words such as m8, deb8 and l8 then came along lol, rofl and pmsl.

After many weeks of pestering anyone under the age of eighteen what these acronyms meant along came a new breed led by the now very annoying OMG. I have to confess I got this one immediately and as a result I tried to increase my street cred by using it when a gaggle of giggling girls knocked on the door to see if the youngest ‘was coming out to play!’

Incredibly I was ahead of the game and this particular phrase hadn’t yet caught on and as a result of my use it never caught on in our house. On a cosy evening I asked the lads about why OMG wasn’t particularly cool. After much eye contact avoidance they eventually broke ranks and informed it was because I had used it!

Worse was to come. Everything that used any similar acronym was banded as hideous and the work of the anti-Christ. It only compounded my fears that my level of understanding of ‘yoof’ culture was out of touch.

I have transcended the point where my opinions have been sought and my knowledge of music is valuable to anyone under the age of twenty. OMG!

This is part fifteen of the “A-Z of Step-Parenting” series by Paul Nevitt, a 33-year-old male with plenty of experience of living with stepchildren. Visit his adoption blog too.