Study: Infertility negatively affects self-esteem

With results that probably won’t surprise any couple experiencing fertility issues, a new study suggests that infertility seriously affects positive self-esteem.

“Flawed”

In a national survey carried out in the United States, seven out of ten women said that infertility made them feel flawed, while half of all men said they felt inadequate.

Sharing

Six out of ten couples said that they try to hide their fertility troubles from family and friends, while a third admitted their ability to confide in others has decreased since they began trying to get pregnant.

Over half said that it was easier to tell people that they weren’t planning to have children rather than to share the struggles they faced.

Disbelief and Delay

Disbelief is also a common issue, for despite one in eight couples of childbearing age do struggle with fertility problems, two-thirds of those surveyed said that they never thought they’d have difficulty in conceiving.

Over half of the couples said they wish they had started trying sooner, with a staggering nine out of ten respondents already seeking fertility treatment saying this.

Advice

Relationships with family and friends can also suffer, with six out of ten couples admitting to becoming tired of people asking them how the process is going or offering suggestions on how to conceive.

Unsolicited advice — such as being told to “relax”, get more exercise, sleep or a different diet — aggravated many couples.

Intimacy & Sex

Infertility issues seemed to affect intimacy in different ways, though more couples (58%) said it had brought them closer together than hurt (36%). Having said that, men suggested time arguing had increased, while both sexes said stress and tension had increased.

Added to this, 55% said that fertility issues had made sex a physically and emotionally anxious time, while a similar number (53%) said fun and spontaneity had gone, and four out of ten said they felt sexually unattractive.

The survey interviewed 585 people in relationships where conception had been an issue for two or more years. Full results are available at the Plan For Some Day web site.

I can certainly vouch for a lot of the results in this survey. What has been your experience?

Photo by mrhayata

Mancunian men spend most time on phone to mum

With Mothers’ Day fast approaching, a mobile phone comparison web site decided to carry out some research to see how often men ‘phoned their mums.

The results: Six out of every ten hours spent on the telephone by men from Manchester were to their mothers.

The top ten cities are:

1. Manchester, 58% of all time spent on phone is calls to mum
2. Leeds, 54%
3. Newcastle Upon Tyne, 52%
4. Portsmouth, 51%
5. Birmingham, 46%
6. Liverpool, 46%
7. Swindon, 42%
8. Grimsby, 41%
9. Aberdeen, 39%
10. Bradford, 38%

While the bottom five are:

1. Glasgow, 4%
2. Luton, 5%
3. Coventry, 5%
4. Oxford, 6%
5. Cardiff, 7%

Of course the results aren’t conclusive. Maybe men in the lower-ranked cities spend a lot more time on their phones overall, thus reducing the proportion of time spent talking to any one person (including their mum).

Perhaps some men spend more time in face-to-face communication with their family.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that this is a subjective result, with the men who took part in the study being asked to calculate the average time spent on the phone to their mum as a proportion of the entire time spent using their phone over a one month period.

Managing Director of rightmobilephone.co.uk, Neil McHugh said, “As someone based in the South I was amazed at the results but maybe it could be because us southerners spend more time face to face with our mums than on the phone to them.”

Photo by DavidDennisPhotos.com

Economy driving mums to buy second-hand for their babies. Is that so bad?

The state of the economy and the need to watch the pennies means that more new and expectant mums than ever before are buying baby goods second-hand.

A survey found that nine out of ten mums had bought three or more second hand items to save money, with 300% more parents buying seconds this year compared to last year.

Prams, pushchairs and cots topped the list. A quarter of mums said everything they’d bought was second hand.

One couple surveyed had saved up £1,500 which they estimated would just about cover the cost of pushchair, cot, car seat, clothing, a month’s worth of nappies and feeding equipment. By buying second hand, the couple managed to reduce this amount to only £575.

Is there still a stigma attached to buying baby essentials second hand? Presumably it’s not putting anyone off actually doing it.

Given the relatively short lifespan many products have, even though they get a lot of use during that time, it makes sense to hand or sell on goods to others who can make use of them. So long as they’re still in good working order and are clean, safe and hygienic, it’s a good thing.

It’s great to buy new things, or have them bought for you, but parents with extended family and friend networks may also find generosity offers them free hand-me-downs.

Reusing equipment is also a lot greener, too.

Photo by Comsic Kitty

Seven out of ten Brits in relationships say online flirting is OK

For many, flirting by those already in a romantic / committed relationship isn’t seen as a problem, and even less so when it comes to doing it over the Internet. This is borne out by a new survey which found that seven out of ten Brits don’t believe there’s anything wrong in flirting with people online.

Ironically, the research was carried out by a web site encouraging online flirting. Of the 2,600 who took part, all of whom said they had a spouse or full-time partner, about the same number of men and women answered the question “Would you consider flirting online as cheating?” with a resounding “No!”

Many see this as harmless entertainment, but I’m not convinced.

Several years ago the phenomenon of online flirting was being studied, and Nathan Tabor wrote a great article titled Adultery is killing the American family which touches on how Internet usage can affect a relationship.

And do you remember the recent report of a Second Life affair which split a couple up?

Harmless fun or something more sinister?

I realise that there are such things as “open” relationships, and that flirting and eyeing other people up even when romantically involved with someone is often thought acceptable, but I’m a little concerned that 70% of Brits think absolutely nothing of doing it.

There’s something insidious about doing it online, too, because of the increased perception of anonymity.

Relationships really need all the help they can get, and I’m not at all convinced this developing trend will encourage healthy couples.

What do you think?

Photo by believekevin

Dad’s the taxi: kids driven 56,000 miles by dedicated parent

Did your dad used to ferry you about in the car when you were a child or teenager? If so, you’re not alone.

New research from Motors.co.uk suggests that dads will travel over 56,000 miles and spend six months of their life as a free taxi cab service to their children.

The poll of 973 fathers’ driving habits found that the average driving dad travels over 60 miles and spends an average of 3 hours every week ferrying their children to school, sports
clubs and social events.

Of course, the poll also decided to inject some sex appeal into proceedings by asking who dad’s ideal passenger would be. Joanna Lumley was voted the most desirable passenger by a quarter of driving dads, with Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole second most popular (16%).

UK fathers are secretly dreaming of being James Bond whilst on the school run, with most dads listing an Aston Martin as their ideal car.

With all this going on, it’s not surprising that a third of the kids interviewed said that they were embarrassed by their dad’s car (or is that just “dad”?) on the school run. Goes with the job, doesn’t it?

“The results of this survey show that the UK’s driving dads are spending more time than ever driving their children around with the average father spending six months of their lives on the school run. This Father’s Day, motors.co.uk is calling for all dads to have the day off to spend some quality time at home with their families without a car in sight,” said Katie Armitage, marketing manager for motors.co.uk.

Most British families eating at home, survey finds

Feeding a growing family can be expensive enough without dining out on a regular basis, so it’s perhaps little surprise that a new survey has found that nearly three-quarters of British families are choosing to eat home-cooked meals rather than in restaurants.

Almost three-quarters (73%) of those families asked said that they would opt for home-cooked food over takeaways.

Respondents were also less likely to spend time in the pub, with 40% of family respondents saying that they would spend more time drinking at home, while 11% were more likely to venture out to the pub in the next 12 months than they had done previously.

Families with children were shown to be more cost-conscious across these activities than single people and couples. 57% of couples and 54% of singles agreed that they would be more likely to eat at home rather than dining out.

Roughly the same percentages – 57% of couples and 55% of singles – said they would opt for home-cooked food over a takeaway. Only 31% of couples and 22% of singles said they were more likely to drink alcohol at home rather than going out, while 13% of couples and 24% of single people said they were now more likely to head out to the pub.

Other statistics included:

• 75% of families intend to spend less of their household expenditure on going out to the pub or restaurants, compared to 58% of both couples and single people
• 73% of families said they would spend less on going out to the cinema or theatre, compared to 56% of couples and 57% of singles
• 69% of families intend to cut back on sporting events, compared to 56% of couples and 51% of singles
• 63% of families will cut back on their holidays and travel, compared to 45% of couples and 46% of singles
• 56% of families intend to spend less on in-home entertainment, compared to 47% of couples and 43% of singles

So that’s the figures, but what do you think? Have you altered your food spending patterns in the current economic climate?

In wireless world family still a priority, survey finds

Families most want to talk to each other, a recent survey by a US telecoms company has found.

Verizon Wireless discovered that over three-quarters of its customers would include the phone number of a loved one on its Friends & Family scheme.

Of those, 44% would add their spouse or significant other, with 51% of men wanting to do so compared to 37% of women.

Of course the survey is a way of highlighting the service, of which similar plans exist in the UK, but it’s encouraging that users don’t feel the need to add their boss or a co-worker over their nearest and dearest.

Kids doing stuff online their parents wouldn’t approve of, survey finds

We’ve covered the subject of children’s usage of the Internet quite a bit already, as understandably it’s a subject of concern to parents.

Last year, a survey found that three-quarters of parents are spying on their kids online activities, despite another report suggesting that parents are failing to monitor their kids’ online habits.

Well, if the latest survey is to be believed, kids are still running rife on the Internet with their parents nearly clueless about what’s going on.

Bit black and white, eh, but then this was commissioned by a security software company (Symantec) so you might expect them to be pushing the virtues of their PC monitoring software.

In any case, their survey found that although three-quarters of parents are talking to their children about staying safe online, kids may still be bending the rules.

When questioned on how much time their children were spending online, parents answered with an average of 18.8 hours per month. In fact, the data suggests that kids are online for over twice that amount – 43.5 hours per month.

More worrying than simply how much time kids were spending online was that, when questioned, one in five said that they had looked at content on the Internet they knew their parents wouldn’t approve of.

“Having an open discussion with your children is something we really encourage,” said Marian Merritt, Symantec’s Internet Safety Advocate. “It’s not about coming down hard on them when they encounter inappropriate content, as the Internet is a great place to learn and to play, but there have to be boundaries. Kids in the UK are pretty Internet savvy, and parents need to keep up. We are encouraged by what we’re seeing, but there’s still work to be done by parents.”

Other interesting statistics from the survey included:

• 93% agree it’s their responsibility to protect kids online.
• 54% have set parental controls on web usage – the highest percentage globally bar India at 55%.
• 81% are confident they know what their children are looking at online.
• 31% of UK kids say their parents don’t know what they view online.
• 65% of UK parents feel very or extremely knowledgeable about discussing whether and when to share personal information on the Internet with their children.
• 16% of parents prefer to chat about sensitive subjects online rather than face-to-face.

There’s a load more information at the Norton Online Living web site.

What Are We Doing To Our Kids?: BBC Wales fortnight of programmes begins

BBC Cymru Wales is to begin a fortnight of programmes looking at the changing nature of childhood through the generations, beginning with What Are We Doing To Our Kids? on Monday 16th March.

As part of the project, the Institute of Welsh Affairs (IWA) surveyed a number of Welsh parents, grandparents and children to find out more about their experiences of growing up.

Highlights of the research included:

• Today’s children are more confident and relaxed about speaking with adults
• Parents are concerned about the safety of their children and on letting them have freedom outside the home
• The media paints an unrealistic, fatalistic picture of the dangers facing children that could mean they fail to develop a realistic view of the risks of everyday life
• Parents are also concerned that their rushed lives means that quality time with their kids is lost
• Parents would not swap their own childhood for one today

It’s not all bad news. IWA director John Osmond noted that, “despite many concerns that were voiced, especially around children’s freedom to play unsupervised, it was striking how optimistic many of the parents we interviewed were about their children’s development.

“They thought that children today had more opportunities to develop themselves and, with their greater confidence, should be able to take advantage of these opportunities in later life.”

More information about the report and the programmes coming up in March are available at the BBC Wales childhood web site. If you live somewhere else in the UK, you can probably catch up with a lot of the programmes on the BBC iPlayer service.

Weight is a major relationship issue, survey reveals

Once again it seems that the weight issue is rearing its head, as a new survey suggests that nearly two-thirds of Brits think that their partner should lose some weight and “improve their physique”.

Over half had lied to their partner about their appearance, while four out of five said that they thought their partner did not exercise as often as they should.

Men were more likely to lie about their partner’s weight, at 61% compared to 44% of women, although interestingly, more women were unhappy about their partner’s appearance (68%) compared to men (59%).

Three-quarters of those surveyed cited physical attraction as an important aspect of a relationship.

The correlation between people who had been in relationships the longest and those that were least concerned by their partner’s appearance was evident. Participants who had been in a relationship with their partner for less than a year were twice as likely to be bothered about their partner’s appearance than participants who had been in a relationship for longer than 10 years, 83% compared to 48%.

Oliver Cookson, MD of Myprotein.co.uk, said, “There is clearly a gender difference between the ways we think about our partners, with men much less likely to be bothered about their partner’s appearance, contrary to popular belief. The fact that men are more likely to lie to their partners if they don’t have an issue though can be taken one of two ways – it can either be construed as ‘polite white lies’ or dishonesty. Personally, I think men are far less shallow than given credit for, on the whole!”

What do you think?

Young people still want to live “happily ever after” but lack skills for marriage

If you believe everything the media says, you’d be forgiven for thinking that marriage is on the way out, with commitment a dirty word.

However, research from the Healthy Marriage Resource Centre amongst 18-30 year-olds suggests that four in five do still want to get married and stay married.

At one level that’s encouraging because it means that a large number of people want to commit to a long-term relationship. However, the Centre suggests that there’s often a wide reality gap between the perception of marriage and the reality.

“Once married, conflicts may arise over money, parenting, and other important issues,” said project director Mary Myrick.

“We want to get people talking about the complexity of healthy marriages and provide tools and tips for making relationships work during challenging times,” says Myrick. “We are targeting young adults because they are the group most likely to be considering marriage for the first time and are most likely to access an online resource like TwoOfUs.org.”

Though it’s so easy to get married, it’s most definitely worth investing time in some form of pre-marriage course or counselling.

Though there’s some evidence to suggest that people in a good marriage can have better health, financial stability and life expectancy, no-one wants to be trapped in a bad marriage that was ill-conceived.

Taking time to sit down, ideally with a more experienced couple, and discuss aspirations and expectations, may seem unromantic in the excitement of planning a wedding and new life together, but I believe it’s vital. I certainly value the course I attended with my wife before we married.

Couples candlelit takeaway at home over expensive dining out on Valentine’s Day

Couples ditched going out to an expensive restaurant by dining in with a takeaway instead according to research by Just-Eat.co.uk.

One in three couples had a takeaway meal on Saturday night instead of going out.

When asked “Did you go out to a meal last year with your partner for Valentine’s Day?” just a quarter did this year, compared to over half last year.

The Credit Crunch has had a huge impact on the custom – when asked “If you didn’t go out for a meal this year, what is the main reason?” 68% of participants claimed ‘Expense’ was the deciding factor. Other answers included ‘Didn’t want to’ (14%) and ‘Booked too late’ (10%).

Most (over half) had a curry, while around a quarter of couples had Chinese food.

“You can have just as great a time with your partner at home sharing a takeaway meal as you can at restaurants, especially when the purse-strings are tight but you still want a meal cooked for you,” said Just Eat’s CEO, David Buttress.

Next Page »