“Mummy friends” are best, finds new poll

Eight out of ten mums relied upon the support of “mummy friends” they made while pregnant or as a new mum, while four out of ten are still in contact with those mums up to ten years afterwards, according to a new survey by What’s On 4 Little Ones.

Over half of new mums made friends with others at mother and baby groups, while antenatal classes and introductions from other friends came in joint second place.

“I made some of my best friends when I was pregnant with my daughter Alice. Five years on, many of these are still firm friends and I’m sure we still will be when our children are having children of their own!” said Sam Willoughby, founder of Whats on 4 Little Ones and winner of the Practical Parenting Business Mum of the Year award.

“Taking part in local activities gave me the chance to meet other mums, share tips and advice and make lasting friendships. Plus Alice had the chance to have fun, meet other children and learn new skills too.”

British relationships suffering due to poor sleep

If sleepless nights are causing problems and arguments between you and your partner, you’re not alone.

A recent survey suggests that over a third of British couples argue because of sleep-related issues.

Research shows that two out of five people get less than six hours of sleep each night, leading to both health and relationship problems.

One in ten people are kept awake by their partner every night, while a quarter say they are woken up at least once a month.

The top five health conditions that cause arguments between couples at night are:

1. Back Pain
2. Restless leg syndrome
3. Night terrors
4. Nocturnal cramp
5. Teeth Grinding

One in five Brits have slept in a different room because of a night-time row and one in four of those polled suffers from sleep envy and are jealous of their partners restful nights sleep.

A third of people in the UK say they end up sleeping on the sofa after a night time argument, while one in three choose the spare bedroom. One in twenty Brits have even slept in the children’s bunk beds in order to get a restful sleep!

Other interesting revelations from the survey include:

• Over half of us are regularly too tired for sex, while 1 in 10 would go without sex in order to get a good nights sleep
• Nearly half (44 per cent) would have more sex if we didn’t feel so tired
• Spooning is the UK’s favourite sleeping position – over a third of British couples (38 per cent) doze off with the man spooning the woman
• Nearly 20 per cent of romantic Brits fall asleep holding hands with their partner
• Not everyone likes to snuggle up – nearly half of all couples (48 per cent) regularly sleep turned away from each other, on opposite sides of the bed
• 36 per cent of people admit to sleeping better on their own – one in twenty have separate beds every night

Solving Sleep Problems

If you are having sleep problems which are leading to problems in your relationship, whether you are not able to fall asleep, wake up too often, don’t feel well-rested when you wake up in the morning, or simply want to improve the quality and quantity of your sleep then try the following top tips put together by sleep expert Chris Idzikowski:

Here are the dos and don’ts to help you get better nights sleep

Do:

• Plan your night – follow a set routine each night that gives you time to relax
• Relax – Try having a warm bath or reading a book before bedtime
• De-clutter – Make your bedroom a clutter free, restful place, with soft lighting
• Invest – buy the best bed you can afford – the average person spends 25 years in their bed so it is essential that your bed is right for you and your partner
• Use the 20 minute rule – get up and rest somewhere else and do not return back to your bed until you feel sleepy
• Exercise regularly – just be careful not exercise too close to bed time as this can prevent the brain from relaxing quickly

Don’t:

• Try to fall asleep – Tell yourself to let go of being awake, rest your eyes and visualize yourself slowly sinking into bed
• Drink alcohol – alcohol cab make you restless and is a diuretic which means more trips to the bathroom at night
• Drink caffeine – this will stay in your system for six hours and act as a stimulant – try herbal or fruit tea as an alternative
• Eat a heavy or spicy meal less than 2 hours before bed – your body needs to rest and not be busy digesting
• Watch TV in bed – this will disturb your partner as well as stop your mind from relaxing
• Keep electrical components in your bedroom

For further tips or to complete the first ever interactive sleep personality quiz to identify how good your sleep is, visit www.goodsleepadvice.com

The survey was carried out by Crampex (the only over the counter product for muscle cramp at night) to highlight November’s Sleep Disturbance Month.

Survey: Busyness and lack of time endangering close relationships

64% of people don’t feel that they give their close relationships enough time according to a new survey published today

The busyness of modern life is taking its toll on our relationships, according to a new survey released today. Many of the 1,000 people interviewed for the Great Relationships Survey admitted that lack of time was the greatest threat to their relationships.

• 64% don’t feel that they give their close relationships enough time
• 44% see their best friends only once a month or less
• 63% feel regularly stressed or tired
• 75% agree that there is never enough time to get through the things they need to do each day
• 28% spend more than 45 hours at work each week
• 14% don’t take at least one day off from work
• 97.5% admit their relationships could be improved

These are just some of the comments from respondents asked about the greatest threats to their relationships:

“Time and prioritising who to spend time with. And too much on the “to-do” list.”

“Time (not enough) + children (third on the way) = tiredness and busyness.”

“Trying to fit too many people in. Not seeing friends enough so that we never get past the ‘catching up phase’ and actually just ‘hang out’. I want to live my life with my friends, not just tell them about life when I see them!”

Relationships consultant and former BBC journalist, Sarah Abell, who compiled the survey for her book “Authentic: Relationships from the Inside Out” said, “Long working hours, the demands of parenting, never-ending ‘to-do’ lists, household chores, overflowing inboxes and the pressures to have it all, do it all and look fantastic are causing many of us to feel stressed.”

“The problem is we can’t have great relationships if we are too stressed, tired or busy. We can fool ourselves that a slower day IS coming, that children only need quality time, that busyness is an OK excuse for not seeing our friends, that our spouse (if we have one) will understand if we are too tired (again) to have sex or that we’ll feel better once we’ve had a holiday. But the truth is life is not going to change unless we make the choice to do things differently.”

In her book, Sarah Abell identifies three different attitudes towards time; the engines, the anchors and the sailing boats.

1. The engines – are always busy. Their mantras are ‘I’m so tired’ or ‘Not now – I’m busy’. They are always on the go and hardly ever relax. They feel driven to keep going and believe that if they don’t do whatever needs doing – it won’t get done. If they don’t feel stressed themselves – those close to them often do! Many engines find delegating difficult. Some engines are compelled by circumstance to be so busy but others are driven by some internal motor. They find stillness uncomfortable and feel time is being wasted if they aren’t achieving something. Engines often need help to have fun, relax and to learn how to prioritise their time – separating the urgent from the important. On the plus side engines make things happen and keep the show on the road!
2. The anchors – prefer to take life easy. Perhaps rather too easy! They tend to be much more passive or lazy than your average person. They enjoy relaxing, having fun and try and get away with the minimum work or chores. Their mantras are ‘I’ll do it later’ and ‘Can’t you just chill?’. Some anchors just feel entitled to an easy life and don’t see why they should exert themselves. Others don’t want to push themselves forward because they are worried of failure and believe not trying is better than having a go and getting it wrong. Anchors often need encouragement to take the initiative or lend a hand. However, on the plus side they can help engines learn how to take a more relaxed approach to life.
3. The sailing boats – have a better work/life balance. They understand the times to be busy but also appreciate when to let go and enjoy a slower pace. They have healthier boundaries and are able to say ‘no’ when they have to. However, they are also happy to say ‘yes’ to a demand or request if they think they can do it. Sailing boats are often the people who have looked at their priorities and decided where they will invest their time, energy and money. They make sure their most important relationships get the best of them – not just the dregs left after every thing else. (Jesus was the classic example of a sailing boat!)

Dating pet owners: don’t neglect the animals

Do you remember that research which suggests having a pet can reduce the chances of finding love by 40%?

Well, assuming you can find someone who’ll put up with your pampered pooch or kitty, there’s some advice on how to handle the pet when you’re embarking on a new relationship.

“In the old days, you had to meet the mother. Now you have to meet the dog and get the dog’s approval,” said Stephanie LaFarge, director of counseling services for the ASPCA and an expert on the human-animal bond.

She suggests that a bad first meeting with the animals can be as bad as getting the first meeting with human relatives wrong.

Both sides in a new human relationship need to make an effort.

The pet owner needs to forewarn their new partner of any foibles the animal might have. Getting a cat’s claws sunk into your lover’s arm because you forgot to mention that puss doesn’t like being picked up is not likely to aid a blossoming relationship.

Similarly, though, it’s worth being prepared if you’re starting to date someone with animals. Even if you think you know animals, every creature is different, just as we humans are.

Stephanie also notes that, as and when a human relationship develops, issues over hygiene and physical intimacy (between pet and humans, that is) are likely to surface. These need to be dealt with as they come up, and in fact can be quite telling about a person’s character overall.

“How a person handles these conflicts can be very revealing, said Joel Gavriele-Gold, a clinical psychologist and author of “When Pets Come Between Partners.” “You learn a lot about the other person and how they deal with relationships,” he said. “Is it based on control or cooperation?”

Got any tips for dating when there are pets involved?

UK Government to standardise sex and relationships education for 5-16s

British government ministers have admitted that the provision for sex and relationships education in the UK is “patchy”, and has proposed a revamp of the system which will see five-year-olds learning about relationships.

When the BBC polled one-thousand people, it found that two-thirds supported the concept of sex education lessons in schools from the age of 11.

The Department for Children, Schools and Families said that there was “a need to challenge the perception that sex and relationships education happened in a ‘moral vacuum’ in schools and … that parents and schools can and should work together to decide how best topics should be taught.”

Various issues need to be handled sensitively, such as the right for faith-based schools to modify the programme to include their own moral beliefs, while still providing consistent education.

“We are not suggesting that five and six-year-olds should be taught sex,” said minister for schools, Jim Knight. “What we are saying is we need to improve in particular the relationship education, improve the moral framework and moral understanding around which we then talk about sex later on in a child’s education.”

Though a number of organisations and charities have welcomed the news, the head of the Association of School and College Leaders (ASCL), John Dunford, has raised concerns that a centrally-managed policy of personal, social and health education could take away the rights of an individual school to tailor its education programme in a way that best suits its individuals.

“It is part of the ethos of the school, helping to develop the young person in ways that schools deem most appropriate to their circumstances,” he said. “It should not be the subject to further central prescription and certainly not compulsion.”

The way sex education is taught (or not taught) in schools will always be a contentious issue to some, but hopefully the new proposals will ensure at least a minimum standard of education, not simply confined to biology, that can be tailored according to the needs of each individual school.

What do you think?

(Via BBC News)

Low sex drive in men more common than the stereotype suggests

Men are always thinking about sex and would have sex all the time if possible.

That’s the basic stereotype of a man, always ready to have sex as many times as possible, right?

And yet, it seems that low sex drive amongst men is a far greater issue than that stereotype would have us believe.

According to recent research from the US, one in five men suffer with a very low sex drive, meaning that they find it difficult or impossible to have sex without the aid of medication. The figure for females is thought to be around 33%.

The main causes are attributed to stress, depression, shame, and anger.

Read more

Turn”down time” into “family time”

Down time? What on earth is that?

Yes, I expect we all know what the phrase means, but there seems to be precious little of it around.

Despite this, it’s highly likely that there are small pockets of “down time” in between all of life’s busyness. These are the times that can be turned into “family time”.

We don’t need hours of time to enjoy being with the people we love,” said Lissa Coffey, family and relationships expert for Hasbro games and author of Getting There! 9 Ways to Help Your Kids Learn What Matters Most in Life. “Catching moments here and there, at home or while waiting at the doctors office, helps to create memories and will build strong, lasting relationships.”

She comes up with some ideas for making the most of short pockets of time that could otherwise slip past.

Green Therapy

To avoid “nature deficit disorder”, get outside – even for just a few minutes. Not only does it distract kids from modern entertainment, but it helps them to appreciate both the family, and the natural world around them.

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Financial problems: make your partner your first contact

Professionals who offer advice to people in financial difficulty state how important it is to maintain active and open communication with those with whom you have a financial relationship with.

This is usually taken to mean creditors, your mortgage lender, your bank, and your landlord, but if you are married or in a committed long-term relationship, the person you should have the closest financial relationship with is your partner.

Regardless of how you have decided to run your financial lives together – be it completely joined, completely separate, or somewhere in between – you still have a commitment to one another in every area of your life.

It’s no surprise that money can cause all sorts of relationship problems if not dealt with openly and honestly, and yet a survey last year showed that many people would not share their credit score with their partner.

That’s just one example.

Read more

5 ways to celebrate National Grandparents’ Day

September 9th is “National Grandparents’ Day”, and members of the Los Angeles Jewish Home, the largest group of 90-year-olds in the US, have come up with their top five tips on how people of all ages, with or without grandparents, can mark the day.

1. Visit: If you don’t have one, visit residents of a nearby home and perhaps share a meal or conversation. Sixty percent of nursing home residents never have a visitor. The enriching benefit for young and old of such interaction is incalculable.

2. Write a note: If you can’t visit, send an old-fashioned note or card. Though computer use is on the upswing with seniors, remember that “good writing is clear thinking made visible;” and everyone likes to receive something personal – like a poem or artwork – in the mail.

3. Call: And if you forget to send a note in time, give a call. In a world of text messaging, taking the time to call goes a long way.

4. Ask questions: Grandparents are usually the ultimate repository of family history. Knowing it is being passed down to future generations is often a comfort to everyone in the family.

5. Adopt: People of all ages are willing to make new friends. Many seniors are not fortunate to have a family nearby. There are thousands of seniors who would love to be a foster grandparent.

Singles with pets can reduce your chances of finding love by up to 40%

Pet-owning singletons looking for love may be disappointed, as research from a leading UK dating agency suggesting that chances of finding a successful human love interest is reduced by up to 40%.

Key findings of the research included:

• Nearly half of all singles – 6.1 million – now own a pet.
• Singles spend £5.6 billion each year pampering their pets.
• One in four men wouldn’Â’t date a woman with two or more cats.
• A third of women wonÂ’’t date a man who shares his pillow with a pet.
• If push came to shove 25% of singles would choose their pet over a new partner.
• Nearly two thirds of singles say they really love their pet and think of him/her as a member of the family.
• The main reason for the dating dilemma is purely medical: pet allergies.

Dr Victoria Lukats, psychiatrist and PARSHIP’s dating and relationship expert commented, ““People invest a lot in their pets emotionally, but whilst some singles may see their pets as surrogate partners or children, this research shows that these people are in the small minority. Rather than the stereotype of a spinster with several cats, the reality is that many singles simply enjoy owning a pet but they would probably put their human relationships first.”

UK Law Commission calls for more rights for unwed couples

A report by the Law Commission calls for unwed couples to have more legal rights.

It claims that most couples living together still believe they are protected by a “common law” marriage, when in fact this isn’t true.

The report calls for a financial value to be put on the contribution each person brings to the relationship. This would mean that financial compensation would be given to someone who gives up work to look after children, if the relationship ends.

The Commission denies that their proposals undermine marriage. Earlier this month the Conservative party called for a number of financial incentives for married couples. The two proposals aren’t mutually exclusive.

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Parental divorce is key factor in break-ups amongst their children

This may sound obvious to some, but a new study suggests that the rate of relational and marital breakup was higher amongst those whose parents had divorced.

The study looked at other factors, such as genetics or parental substance abuse, but found that divorce itself was a key factor that lead to the higher rate in children.

Brian D’Onofrio, assistant professor in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at Indiana University Bloomington, said that when a host of variables are taken into consideration, such as genetic risks and socioeconomic factors, the real divorce still accounts for around 66 percent of the increased risk of divorce faced by children of divorced parents. “This means the transmission is not due to psychological or substance abuse problems that are passed from parents to the offspring. It’s something very unique about the separation of one’s parents. The societal implications are very important because divorce is such a painful experience for both adults and children. This further suggests that interventions specifically targeted at the consequences of divorce are important for our society,” D’Onofrio said.

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