Do as I say, not as I do….

Dennis Charles is the CEO of the Fourth Wave Institute in Boston, Massachusetts. He is the father of five beautiful children.

As parents, there are certain things that we can agree on. We want happy, fulfilled kids who are good citizens. We know that children learn this by modeling the behaviour of the most important people in their lives. And for the first few years, this is the behaviour of their parents.

I was at a party last week and I had a fascinating conversation with a single mother about her teenage son. She told me that she hopes that he only does the things she allows him to see. She alluded to a number of things that she does in private that she hopes that he will never find out about. When I told her that kids are very perceptive and that her son probably knows on some level that she does those things, she gave me a resigned smile. “I know” she said, “but I can hope that he doesn’t can’t I?”. Hmm, hope. I think there is more that we can do as parents, than hope.

Your kids come with built in mirror-neurons. They are biological modeling machines and they are going to pick up on everything that you do, on every micro-muscular movement you make. And that includes the things you do when they are not around you.

I constantly get asked what are the three parenting essentials. I reply without any hesitation:

1. Ensure that your kids eat well.
2. Ensure that they get enough sleep.
3. Model for them the behaviours that you want them to express in the outside world.

Is this easy? Of course not, especially in a culture that promotes binge drinking, eating fast food, violence, gossiping, and apathy. But sometimes you have to act counter-culturally. There is a great business book called “Strategy And The Fat Smoker” by a guy called David Maister. In it, Maister says that people get that eating a lot of fast food and smoking cigarettes will make you ill, yet until something drastic happens, they do it anyway. The secret to parenting success is to pick a strategy that you believe in, and do the work it takes to stick to it.

So as parents can we be perfect? Of course not. One of the great traits of humans is our imperfection. However, we can strive to be the best we can, to model for our kids what is important. It takes courage and bravery to to step outside of the cultural norms and stand up for what we believe in. But, I believe that our kids deserve courageous behaviour to model.

Photo credit: D Sharon Pruitt

Bed sharing accounts for half of all cot deaths, study suggests

Over half of infant cot deaths are linked to babies sharing a bed with their parents, according to a new study by Bristol University.

However, other factors were also found to be linked and harmful, such as when a parent smokes, drinks alcohol or uses sedating drugs before bedtime.

Researchers suggest that further education is still required to reduce the risk of cot deaths, despite the success of the “Back to Sleep” campaign from the early ’90s.

“Parents need to be advised never to put themselves in a situation where they might fall asleep with a young infant on a sofa,” said researchers, adding that parents should never sleep with an infant in any environment after consuming alcohol or drugs.

Young single parents have been targeted as the most likely to ignore safe sleep advice, and for this reason the web site Bubbalicious.co.uk has been launched to provide support.

Via

Fussy eating kids drive their parents mad, survey finds

While it may not be as serious as those we’ve watched on Freaky Eaters, fussy eating kids are driving parents mad.

A survey of over 3,000 parents by Green Giant found that one in three children have been described as fussy eaters by their parents.

Added to this, two out of three parents say that their kids are fussier than they themselves were when growing up.

One in twenty children hide food they don’t want to eat (one mother reported that her six-year-old son is regularly caught flushing peas down the toilet), while others sneak food onto other plates or feed it to the dog.

Of course, sulking, tantrums and claiming to be full also make an appearance ion the list of tactics used by children trying to avoid eating unappetising food.

To appease the kids, one in five parents say they have to cook different meals for each family member, while a similar number buy special “reward” puddings.

General Mills nutritionist Vanessa McConkey RNutri says: “These findings reinforce the importance of getting back to the table – sitting down together as a family to enjoy mealtimes, without the many distractions revealed by this survey. Kids can be very fussy and encouraging them to eat a proper, nutritious meal can be difficult for parents.

“Instilling healthy eating habits early on in life will help ensure children eat a healthy, balanced meal, rich in vegetables and fruit and get more of the nutrients they need. It will also increase the likelihood of these healthy habits being carried on throughout life. Choosing vegetables like canned sweet corn can make it much easier to ensure children get one of their recommended five a day.”

Healthy eating is a real marketing buzzword at present, as you’ll see if you watch a few food adverts on TV, but it can be a difficult balancing act to find food that kids will eat and that’s reasonably good for them.

Do you consider your kids to be fussy eaters? How have you tried to resolve the issue, or have you found yourself giving in to their pressure?

Share your thoughts, tips and tricks in the comments below.

Survey: Flexible working still the number one priority for mums

The economic recession has not dented women’s desire for flexible working, with almost all working mums rating flexible working as “very important” to them, according to the annual survey by WorkingMums the UK’s leading jobs site for working mums.

Although significantly more women had been made redundant over the last year – up from 14% last year to 27% this year — over three-quarters [79%] of the 1,677 women surveyed said they needed flexible jobs.

When asked what they thought made for a family friendly employer, offering flexible hours for full time jobs came out top at 85%, just ahead of offering some homeworking for full time jobs. Offering part time work and flexibility around emergency cover or school holidays came next, followed by support for childcare. Way down the list came extended maternity pay, with just under a third [31%] considering this a sign of a family friendly employer.

The survey comes as Workingmums.co.uk launches its Top Employers platform, which showcases the organisations which are already benefitting from the skills and experience working mums have to offer because they are forward thinking in offering the kind of family friendly policies which mums are demanding.

Carole Willsher, recruitment and diversity specialist at British Gas, said, “British Gas is delighted to sponsor the WorkingMums survey. We are very interested to note the high value placed on flexible working by employees. This is something we have made great strides to reflect in our own award-winning family friendly working practices. British Gas offers flexible working to all employees at all levels and 60% work flexibly, over half of these being men.”

The survey ranks the kind of flexible working which working mums favour:

• Flexi-time was the most popular form of flexible working, with 80% rating this as important to them
• Over half [54%] wanted some homeworking.

Despite their overwhelming desire for flexible work, there was little change from last year in the number of women saying they had been forced to take a career break due to problems around finding work that fit with their family life. Thirteen per cent had taken time out of their career because they couldn’t juggle work and family life or felt their job lacked the flexibility they needed.

Although three quarters of women [76%] said their employers were supportive, the number who said their employer was not supportive has stuck at 24%.

Many women said they had considered setting up their own business as a way around the flexibility problem, showing that employers who miss out on the experience and skills of working mums could risk losing them or, even, facing them as competition. Some 45% said they had looked into this option.

There were far fewer working mums working full time this year. Only 24% worked full time and 60% did part-time jobs. The number earning less pro rata than when they went on maternity leave remained the same at 53%, suggesting many women had taken less challenging jobs in order to get the flexibility they required. Moreover, more than half [54%] would accept a less well paid job in return for flexibility with 40% prepared to consider this option.

There were still significant numbers of women who didn’t know about the extension of flexible working to parents of children under 16 – 32% said they didn’t have any idea about this – and 64% didn’t know that they are entitled to up to 10 Keeping In Touch Days [KIT Days] during their maternity leave so they can go into the office and get updated on developments. Just over a fifth [11%] actually used KIT Days.

There also appeared to be a reluctance on women’s part to discuss flexible working options before going on maternity leave with nearly half [48%] saying they hadn’t had a conversation with their employer about returning to work flexibly prior to taking their maternity leave.

Nevertheless, 83% said having some flexibility in their job would help them to return. Forty-nine per cent said they would favour a staggered return, with their hours increasing gradually as they settled back into work. Around four fifths [79%] said having some degree of homeworking would help them to work full time.

Of those mums who were not working, 73% perceived lack of appropriate flexible jobs as a barrier to them going back to work. This was a rise of 10% on last year’s figure.

• 72% felt lack of available flexible jobs was a problem
• Over half [55%] found childcare costs an impediment
• 30% rated lack of confidence as a big issue.

However, 71% of those in work felt their work was fairly or very flexible. The overwhelming reason for going back to work was money with 93% citing this as a reason, but 72% wanted to work for their own self esteem and 83% enjoyed their job.

Gillian Nissim, founder of WorkingMums.co.uk, said, “This year’s survey shows that flexible working is top of working mums’ agenda and will not go away. It is the key issue that employers must grapple with if they want to retain the kind of skills offered by working mums. Many of our candidates have over 15 years’ experience in their career fields and a significant number have management experience. The recession has not reduced the urgency of this issue for working parents and employers who want to be prepared for the eventual upturn in the economy would do well to listen to their voices rather than risk losing them to more forward-thinking rivals.”

Bullying Prevention Skills and Techniques for Children

This is a guest post by Mark Lakewood, CEO, a distinguished bullying prevention expert, author, and speaker with over 20 years of clinical experience as a family therapist. He provided clinical and consultation services to school personnel and students on issues of bullying and behavior management. He facilitates the “Standing Up To Bullying” Conference.

Child bullying is a big problem in our schools today. The main difference between child bullying today from the past is the nature of the bullying and the violence that occurs in the aftermath. Cyberbullying is becoming a popular and more destructive form of bullying than traditional bullying. More children today are bringing guns to school to seek revenge on others. Child bullying has been around and will probably remain for years to come.

Unfortunately, we do not have the power to rid the world of bullying. The answer to the issue of child bullying rests within us, especially the victims of bullying. Victims of bullying are never responsible for being bullied. On the contrary, victims of child bullying have the power in themselves to think, behave, and react in ways that limits or eradicates bullying.

As a society, we spend much of our energy identifying and punishing the bully that we fail to spend adequate time empowering the victims of child bullying. We should spend more of our energy on the things that we can control rather than the things that we have limited or no control over.

We need to teach children about the power that they already possess. Let me elaborate on a few issues that parents should teach their children regarding bullying prevention.

Let’s first talk about the characteristics of child bullying.

Typically, bullies and their victims share the same characteristic – low self-esteem. It just depends on whether they internalize or externalize their feelings that will determine if they will become a bully or a victim of bullying. Typically, negative situations and events in the child’s life can trigger low self-esteem. Externalizing feelings can cause some children to become bullies as they attempt to control their environment to compensate for their lack of control in their family.

For instance, if the parents of a child are divorcing and the child is very upset about the divorce, he/she might feel powerless in his/her ability to keep his/her parents together. As a result, the child might take out his/her rage on others for purposes of seeking control to compensate for his/her lack of control over their parents’ impending divorce.

Given the same scenario (parental divorce), some children internalize their feelings by not talking or acting out how they feel. Instead, they become depressed and withdrawn feeling like a failure. Often, they develop a negative image of themselves and their physical appearance. They look at others and the world around them with shaded lens. When a bully validates this child’s feelings about him/herself, this child often reacts negatively to the validation because he/she feels the bully is correct in their interpretation.

Often times, children with high self-esteem do not respond negatively to bullies because they already know that negative personal statements made by the bully are untrue and therefore are unworthy of attention.

As human beings, our behavior, thoughts, and feelings are never dictated or controlled by others, situations, and events unless we allow this to occur. Simply said, others, situations, and events can trigger a reaction based on what we think. For example, if I do not want to go to work today and my car has a flat tire, I might experience happiness because I do not want to go to work. On the other hand given the same event (flat tire), I might want to go to work today to take care of some unfinished business. Because the flat tire might delay or eliminate my chances of getting to work, this situation might cause me anger.

How could the same event in both situations cause two different feelings? It was not the event at all that triggered the feelings. It was what I thought about the event that triggered my feelings. Therefore, manipulating the way we think can alter how we feel.

We have the power to take ownership and control over our thoughts. We however have limited or no control over specific events, situations, and the behavior of others. Sometimes, we attempt to control events, situations, and others but become frustrated when our attempts fail.

Now, how does the paragraph above apply to the issue of bullying prevention?

The main goal of bullies is to get their victims to experience fear, anger, or sadness. Once their victim demonstrates signs of these emotions via the words he/she says, body language, or actions, the bully has complete and total control over him/her.

The bullying will continue until the victim no longer verbally and/or physically displays fear, anger, or sadness in response to the bullying. The bullying will end once the victim responds the opposite of what the bully expects.

How do we get children to react the opposite of what the bully expects?

This is where role-playing comes in handy. Parents should regularly sit down with their children helping them learn to react the opposite of what bullies expect. Often times, this task is much easier when the parent knows what hurtful words or phrases bullies say that makes their children feel fearful, angry, or sad. Using these hurtful words and/or phrases in role-plays will emotionally prepare children when they are approached by bullies.

It is also important to teach children that they have the power to change or affect the agenda of bullies by the words they use. For instance, if a bully calls a child ‘stupid’, the child could defuse the bullying by stating to the bully, “That’s nice”, “How about that”, “Oh, well”, and so forth. The worst thing that the child could do is respond by telling the bully that he/she is stupid or make other negative statements. A negative response will only inflame the situation encouraging further bullying.

In addition, parents should teach and role-play with their children specific forms of body language that differentiates a child with high self-esteem from a child with low self-esteem.

Body language communicates feelings more so than spoken words.

If a child yells at a bully stating that he/she is not bothered by the bully’s behavior, the bully knows that the child is bothered because of the yelling. Lack of eye contact, looking down, slouched posture, lack of hygiene, and low tone of voice can be viewed as symptoms of low self-esteem.

Parents need to teach their children that bullies rarely get angry at them. Bullies are typically angry at themselves and/or events that occurred or are occurring in their own life for which they have limited or no control. Bullies indirectly take out their anger on the ones they could easily control.

Parents should never teach their children to physically fight back when approached by a bully. The problem with fighting back is that children can get themselves into trouble for engaging in physically assaultive behavior.

Think of it this way – bullies rarely throw the first punch. They always entice their victim into throwing the first punch. This way when they are asked who started the fight, the bully could easily and truthfully state that their victim started it. In addition, there are significant legal ramifications that can arise as a result of physically assaultive behavior.

It is important to remember that physical violence typically occurs after a negative verbal interaction. Violence typically is provoked and rarely unprovoked. Therefore to avoid violence, the conflict can and should be defused during the verbal exchange. This is why the words victims say and their body language are so significant and detrimental to the outcome of bullying.

Recent school shootings suggest that the shooters were bullied by their classmates. The bullying subsequently provoked the school violence.

Parents should be cautious when teaching their children to ignore bullies. The problem with ignoring is that the bully knows that his/her behavior is irritating, annoying, and controlling his/her victim. Therefore, the bullying will continue.

Parents should be cautious when teaching their children to report bullying to an adult without first attempting to resolve the conflict on their own. Parents should encourage their children to first attempt to resolve the bullying on their own with the skills taught above. If their children are unsuccessful resolving these issues on their own, they should be encouraged to report the bullying. If their children automatically report the bullying without attempting to defuse the situation on their own, they will be perceived and labeled as a tattle-tale which will encourage the bullying to continue.

Parents need to teach their children the correct definition of the word ‘tattling’. Some children think that reporting child misbehavior to adults is considered tattling. Parents need to teach their children that reporting on others just to see them get into trouble is considered tattling.

A child that reports to his/her parents that his/her brother is picking his nose is considered tattling. Children always need to report to an adult if they were physically, sexually, or verbally harmed by others or if they witnessed others engaging in destructive or illegal behaviors.

It is very easy to feel sympathetic toward victims of child bullying. However, it would be more helpful to the victim if we are more empathic to their needs by empowering them to diffuse bullying on their own. As a result, their ability to defuse the bullying would ultimately raise their level of self-esteem and self-worth.

Author’s Biography

Mark Lakewood, CEO, is a distinguished bullying prevention expert, author, and speaker with over 20 years of clinical experience as a family therapist. He provided clinical and consultation services to school personnel and students on issues of bullying and behavior management. He facilitates the “Standing Up To Bullying” Conference.

Internet Watch: Such A Smart Mom

A new web site has launched — SuchASmartMom.com — which lets parents pool resources by asking questions of other parents.

Shrinking school budgets, crowded classrooms and fiercer-than-ever competition to get into college make it more important than ever for parents to be involved in their children’s education.

“As a mom, I understand all too well that parents have just 13 precious years to get their kids from kindergarten to college,” said site creator Ruth McKinnie Braun. “Such A Smart Mom will be there every step of the way as a trusted resource.”

Braun started Such A Smart Mom after more than two decades as a reporter and editor at The San Diego Union-Tribune. She’s a mother of two teens and a former parent group president with more than a decade of school volunteer experience.

Her extensive background in journalism shows through in the caliber of her reporting and writing. Her instincts as a mom and parent volunteer guide her story choices and bring a unique voice to her first-person blog that also appears on Such A Smart Mom.

“Our children can’t put their education on hold until the economy turns around,” Braun said. “Their time to learn is now. Fortunately, smart moms and dads can turn to Such A Smart Mom to help their kids get where they need to go.”

UK TV Watch: 1st-7th May 2009

Welcome to the Family Relationships Magazine weekly roundup of family/relationships TV highlights for the coming week.

Please be aware that these are generally programmes about families and relationships, and are not necessarily suitable for all-age/family viewing.

Friday 1st May

If spying on celebrity couples is your thing, and you’re not sick of them yet, then Katie & Peter: Stateside (ITV2, 10pm) is for you. This week, Katie meets her new horse which has just come out of quarantine after being flown over to America.

Alternatively, there’s sure to be some cringeworthy material in Celebrity Wife Swap (10.05pm, E4) as eighties pop star Sinitta trades places with Sandra, the wife of actor Bruce Jones.

Saturday 2nd May

Take on the Takeaway (11.30am, BBC1) sees Ken Hom trying to convince a busy couple that it is possible to cook quick and healthy food instead of relying on the local Chinese takeaway.

Family quizzes your thing? Try the new series of All Star Mr & Mrs (6.20pm ITV1) which sees Boyzone’s Keith Duffy and his wife Lisa, Brigitte Nielsen and Mattia, and Peter Shilton and Sue battle it out to see who knows the most about their other half.

Tuesday 5th May

The second part of the fourth series of Born to be Different (9pm, Channel 4) follows six disabled children who have features in the series since birth. This time, we see them aged nine. Each child has their own particular battle to fight; some face major operations, some require constant support and medication; and for one it’s a battle just to stay alive.

More celebrity following in Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding (9pm, BBC3). The former Steps singer sets out to shed some pounds from her size 20 frame in time for her wedding, a task which sees her face off with the paparazzi.

Wednesday 6th May

The World’s Strictest Parents (8pm, BBC3) continues as teenagers Lizzie Pol and Stefan Alvarez travel to Ghana to live with a middle-class Christian couple who prioritise chores and ban the pair from romantic relationships.

Thursday 7th May

A new four-part documentary series, Keep it in the Family (9pm, BBC2), follows the family of Gary Don, who has dedicated his career to the family auction house and has persuaded his 28-year-old son Jamie to pick up the mantle.

On Channel 4 at 9pm, Madeleine Was Here looks at how parents Kate and Gerry are dealing with the lack of knowledge about their daughter’s whereabouts, two years on from her disappearance.

Real-life wedding preps, under the camera of course, in Don’t Tell the Bride (8pm, BBC3).

Parents guide to bereavement published by Positive Parents Confident Kids

When someone important dies it is a distressing event to which people react differently. Some may be shocked, some seem numb, whilst others get very upset and tearful. Coping with personal feelings can be especially difficult if children need to be supported too. It may be difficult for a parent to do the ‘normal’ things and keep to the same routines as their whole perspective changes when they are in shock.

“How you handle death and grief is a blueprint for how your children handle death and grief in their emotional lives,” advises parent coach and author, Sue Atkins, of Positive Parents Confident Kids. “As a parent you are a real-life role model for your children.”

Parents often try to protect their children by not talking about illness or death. This is, of course, understandable as not everyone is comfortable talking about their emotions or knows what to say. However, Sue Atkins believes that, “children are sensitive, intelligent people who need to be listened to and asked how they feel. They have their own personal unique relationship with the person who has died and need to be allowed to express their grief.”

Children handle death and loss in a number of different ways, as do adults, and it is important to understand that children of differing ages react in different ways, and not always as an adult may react or behave.

Children’s understanding of death comes gradually:

Under five years:

• children of this age have little abstract sense of time or distance, so final and forever means very little to them
• dead means less alive
• death is a sleep or a journey
• death and life are interchangeable

From five to eight years:

• death is a frightening person
• death is final
• death is often seen as the end result of violence and aggression
• and often there’s an intense interest in the rituals surrounding death

From around nine years onwards:

• children understand that death is the end of bodily life
• death is inevitable, final and happens to everyone eventually

From around nine years of age most children will have an adult view of death although this will depend on their development, maturity and past experiences of death. “The best way of understanding what children think and feel about death is to listen carefully, talk gently with them, and be guided by them.”

Many parents feel that childhood is a time free from difficulties and challenging events but in reality this just isn’t the case. It is how the parent handles the challenges that makes their children grow up well balanced, resilient and strong, able to handle the blows life deals them.

“Don’t be afraid to be completely natural in your own grief – don’t hide it away from your children. Grief is a natural emotion. Sadness is part of life and by talking it through together your child can experience the healing process first hand,” advises Sue Atkins.

Organisations to help:

Winston’s Wish – The Clara Burgess Centre, Bayshill Road, Cheltenham GL51 3WH
Tel: 01242 515157
Helpline: 0845 203 0405 (Mon-Fri 9-5pm)
Website: www.winstonswish.org.uk

Childline – Freepost NATN1111, London E1 6BR
Tel: 020 7239 1000; 0800 1111 (24-hour helpline)
Website: www.childline.org.uk

Childhood Bereavement Network
Tel: 0115 911 8070
Website: www.ncb.org.uk/cbn

Child Bereavement Trust
Tel: 01494 446648 (general inquiries); 0845 357 1000 (information and support line)
Website: www.childbereavement.org.uk

Parents and kids struggle to communicate about school

A new study shows that kids aren’t keen to share the details of their day at school with parents.

Most parents surveyed by Becta said that they didn’t know as much about their child’s day at school as they’d like to, with nearly half saying that they find it difficult or very difficult to extract information from their child.

On the other side of the coin, about the same proportion of children don’t like to share information with their parents, preferring to keep their school day private.

Professor Tanya Byron compiled the report which investigates the after-school communication challenge and provides guidelines to help parents improve interaction with both children and schools by using technology in addition to more traditional methods.

According to Professor Byron, this inability or unwillingness for parent and child to communicate might have implications which will hamper a child’s progress, creating stress between the parent-child relationship and creating tension between parent and school as the packed school itinerary gets ‘lost in translation’.

The report shows that while more than 90% of children say their parents are interested in their education, the majority of parents are struggling to get involved with their child’s learning, with many finding it difficult to get information on what is actually happening once their child is at school.

Despite packed lesson plans and innovative use of technologies, the research reveals that just 16% of children proactively communicate with their parents about their school day.

Becta’s Next Generation Learning campaign is urging parents to talk to their child’s school to find out how technology is already being used and also discuss ways it can help improve day-to-day communications between them and the school in the future.

Professor Tanya Byron comments, “This report highlights how fundamental positive communication within and after school can help raise attainment and build children’s sense of self worth. By creating a collaborative, three-way dialogue between parents, schools and children; by harnessing the new and exciting technologies that enable seamless communication between school and home; and – most importantly – by engaging children in after school communication that is fun, relaxed, open and well timed, we can all enable them to maximise their academic potential and enjoy their school and further education years.”

More information about this initiative is available at the Next Generation Learning web site.

What Are We Doing To Our Kids?: BBC Wales fortnight of programmes begins

BBC Cymru Wales is to begin a fortnight of programmes looking at the changing nature of childhood through the generations, beginning with What Are We Doing To Our Kids? on Monday 16th March.

As part of the project, the Institute of Welsh Affairs (IWA) surveyed a number of Welsh parents, grandparents and children to find out more about their experiences of growing up.

Highlights of the research included:

• Today’s children are more confident and relaxed about speaking with adults
• Parents are concerned about the safety of their children and on letting them have freedom outside the home
• The media paints an unrealistic, fatalistic picture of the dangers facing children that could mean they fail to develop a realistic view of the risks of everyday life
• Parents are also concerned that their rushed lives means that quality time with their kids is lost
• Parents would not swap their own childhood for one today

It’s not all bad news. IWA director John Osmond noted that, “despite many concerns that were voiced, especially around children’s freedom to play unsupervised, it was striking how optimistic many of the parents we interviewed were about their children’s development.

“They thought that children today had more opportunities to develop themselves and, with their greater confidence, should be able to take advantage of these opportunities in later life.”

More information about the report and the programmes coming up in March are available at the BBC Wales childhood web site. If you live somewhere else in the UK, you can probably catch up with a lot of the programmes on the BBC iPlayer service.

Should you talk to your children about the economy?

One of the big responsibilities of any parent is how much to talk to their children about serious, complicated and potentially worrying issues.

On one hand, most parents want to allow children to maintain some degree of innocence, and to be shielded from the worst the world has to offer.

On the other hand, innocence is so quickly lost these days, and children need to be aware of certain issues so that they can be kept safe.

The current economic climate is causing many families to reassess what they spend their money on and how they live their lives. For many, it may mean a change in lifestyle because the mortgage costs more or the cost of living has increased.

Children aren’t stupid, and they’ll know something’s going on. How much should you tell them about the credit crunch and all that jazz?

Honesty, simplicity, and relevance is the best policy.

It may be that a child asks you what “the credit crunch” is. It may be that you don’t fully understand the intricacies of the global problem yourself (I certainly don’t) but by simplifying the situation and making it relevant to your family, it’s more likely to mean something to your child.

It’s probably best not to force the issue. If your child is showing no interest in the subject at all, it’s not worth making a big issue out of it – that could backfire and cause the child to become anxious about the situation.

It will depend on the age of the child as to if, when and how you tell them. Very young children are ultimately looking to you for their security, and no doubt you’re doing your very best to see that their needs are met. Why confuse them?

On the other hand, older children and teenagers may be much more inquisitive, possibly asking more demanding questions.

You might also find yourself being asked why you can’t afford those new trainers, mobile phone or games console. This is a good time to explain that, as a family, you have to look after your money and spend it more wisely.

Don’t make them feel guilty for wanting new things. Instead, suggest that, at least for the next few months, you’ll all have to find other less expensive ways of having fun and entertaining yourselves.

Your kids might get upset or stroppy, but often they do appreciate being included in things that affect the family. You could even begin introducing them to budgeting – though you’ll probably want to make sure you’re doing this yourself, first – as this will stand them in good stead for adulthood.

Every family is different, and you know your children the best, but these are some guidelines that you might want to adapt so that your family continues to feel secure and informed even in these more difficult times.

• What do you think?
• Have you talked to your kids about money and the current economic situation?
• How did they react?
• What advice would you give to other parents?

Family on TV: UK guide 2nd-8th March 2009

Welcome to a new feature at Family Relationships Magazine, where we highlight the pick of family-related British TV for the week.

Note that not all programmes are suitable for the whole family to watch, but rather is programming on the subject of families and relationships.

So, we kick off with the final part of this series of Who Do You Think You Are (Monday 2nd March, 9pm, BBC1; 10pm, BBC HD). This week, Kevin Whateley discovers that his family had significant business acumen, with his great-grandfather running a fishing empire and 18th-century relatives being turkey traders.

These documentaries are generally fascinating insights into the lives of celebrities and can often inspire us to research our own family history.

Baby Borrowers USA (Thursday 5th March, 9pm, BBC Three) follows the teenagers who have to deal with tantrums, disciplining and potty training when they are given toddlers to care for.

A new three-part series, Rocket Science, begins on Friday 6th March at 9pm on BBC2. With the number of youngsters studying science declining fast, teacher Andy Smith hopes to convince pupils at Woodchurch High School in the Wirral that the subject can be fun by showing them how fireworks are linked to chemistry and physics.

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