Porn star calls parents to protect their kids online

It’s easy for parents to listen to the hype surrounding what’s on the Internet and fall into one of two traps.

Either the Web consists solely of pornography and other nasty stuff that they don’t want their kids to see, or it’s safe enough to let their children roam unmoderated.

Neither situation is true.

In an interesting, and welcome, twist, US adult film star Ron Jeremy has called for parents to install filtering software onto their computers to stop children gaining access to porn.

“Porn is definitely not for kids. Take it from someone who has worked in the industry for years,” he said at this year’s Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas.

Leaving aside for the moment the rights or wrongs of pornography — something that was debated last Friday in the Mommy Tech area of the show — it’s extremely important that parents are vigilant when it comes to what their kids can access online.

This goes far beyond simply installing software, but also means that parents must talk to their kids, rationally and clearly explaining how to stay safe online.

The fact is, most kids these days are more web and tech-savvy than their parents, and many know how to circumvent filtering software. That’s why dialogue is also vitally important.

We’ve covered the issue of Internet safety in the past. Here’s a selection of articles you might find useful:

• Stranger Danger in the 21st Century: Internet dos and don’ts for parents and children
• UK parents worry about but don’t monitor kids’ online activities
• Kids doing stuff online their parents wouldn’t approve of
• Young children using online social networks, three-quarters of parents “spying” on them
• Parents failing to monitor children’s Internet usage
• Unique family-oriented broadband service offers peace of mind to schools and parents
• Computer sellers partner with NSPCC to guide families in safe practices
• “Mum Says No” software allows parental control over children’s online time, reduces confrontation
• Children’s advocacy group launches NetSmartz411 online safety programme for kids

Facebook bad for marriage says new research

Social networking phenomenon Facebook is at least partly responsible for one in five marriage breakups, if you believe the latest research from a British online divorce service.

By scanning their divorce petition database, they found that the word “Facebook” was used in 989 out of 5,000 cases sampled.

It seems that virtual infidelity, often starting with “inappropriate sexual chats”, have caused the most upset.

Of course, the research isn’t perfect by any means.

Firstly, this is from a scan of their own database, and therefore implies that their clients are technologically savvy.

Secondly, it only scans for one term, and doesn’t imply that use of such Internet services are wholly responsible for people filing for divorce.

Perhaps if there are already problems in a marriage, one or both partners may make problems worse by their online behaviour, but generally I think this would be a byproduct rather than the initial cause.

Having said that, it’s interesting that seven in ten Brits say online flirting is acceptable.

We also have interesting, albeit sensationalist, stories like that of a couple driven apart by online games.

So, I’m not surprised that Facebook and other online activity can play a part in marriage breakdowns, but it’s certainly not the sole cause in most cases.

Seven out of ten Brits in relationships say online flirting is OK

For many, flirting by those already in a romantic / committed relationship isn’t seen as a problem, and even less so when it comes to doing it over the Internet. This is borne out by a new survey which found that seven out of ten Brits don’t believe there’s anything wrong in flirting with people online.

Ironically, the research was carried out by a web site encouraging online flirting. Of the 2,600 who took part, all of whom said they had a spouse or full-time partner, about the same number of men and women answered the question “Would you consider flirting online as cheating?” with a resounding “No!”

Many see this as harmless entertainment, but I’m not convinced.

Several years ago the phenomenon of online flirting was being studied, and Nathan Tabor wrote a great article titled Adultery is killing the American family which touches on how Internet usage can affect a relationship.

And do you remember the recent report of a Second Life affair which split a couple up?

Harmless fun or something more sinister?

I realise that there are such things as “open” relationships, and that flirting and eyeing other people up even when romantically involved with someone is often thought acceptable, but I’m a little concerned that 70% of Brits think absolutely nothing of doing it.

There’s something insidious about doing it online, too, because of the increased perception of anonymity.

Relationships really need all the help they can get, and I’m not at all convinced this developing trend will encourage healthy couples.

What do you think?

Photo by believekevin

UK parents worry about but don’t monitor kids’ online activities, survey finds

Take a look through our articles about the Internet and you’ll already find plenty of examples of parents worried about what their children are up to online.

It’s not surprising, therefore, that another survey has raised similar concerns.

The computer security firm Trend Micro interviewed over 1,000 British parents and teenagers and found out:

• that over half of parents claim not to have a clue what their children are doing online.
• only 3% of parents are actively monitoring their child’s Internet activities.
• 55% of parents said they wished their kids would spend more time learning than on social networks.
• Nearly three quarters of those surveyed said they were worried that under-18s would lose essential face-to-face and English language skills as a result.

“The best way for a parent to overcome their fears about technology and what their children are up to online is to take the time to have a look at the technology their children are using,” said Will Gardner, CEO, Childnet. “Better still, get them to guide you through it. A conversation on how to keep safe and look after others online is a must.”

“Social interaction online is evolving at a constant and rapid rate and the digital generation know all the tricks of the trade,” said Rik Ferguson, security expert at Trend Micro. “With the summer holidays fast approaching, parents should put simple but effective measures in place to ensure their kids do not fall victim to unnecessary dangers. Parents need to become more tech savvy first before they can start educating their kids on what’s right and wrong.”

Trend Micro’s ten online safety tips are:

1. Keep all computers in common areas.
2. Agree to time limits for using the Internet and all social devices.
3. Keep software security up-to-date.
4. Talk with your kids about entering personal information online.
5. Run a manual scan with your software security and check browser history.
6. Set profiles on social networking sites to private.
7. Encourage children to be respectful of others.
8. Teach children to have multiple passwords that are NOT associated with names, nicknames or commonly found information over the net.
9. Most importantly, keep informed about the latest outbreaks and dangers on the Internet.
10. Buy Trend Micro internet security 2009. The latest software has enhanced parental controls. This means that parents can better tailor controls depending on the particular family member. New functionalities include the ability to control the date and time each child can go on the Internet and also the option to specify categories of information (such as home addresses, telephone numbers, passwords, etc.) they do not wish to be sent from a computer.

Internet Watch: Such A Smart Mom

A new web site has launched — SuchASmartMom.com — which lets parents pool resources by asking questions of other parents.

Shrinking school budgets, crowded classrooms and fiercer-than-ever competition to get into college make it more important than ever for parents to be involved in their children’s education.

“As a mom, I understand all too well that parents have just 13 precious years to get their kids from kindergarten to college,” said site creator Ruth McKinnie Braun. “Such A Smart Mom will be there every step of the way as a trusted resource.”

Braun started Such A Smart Mom after more than two decades as a reporter and editor at The San Diego Union-Tribune. She’s a mother of two teens and a former parent group president with more than a decade of school volunteer experience.

Her extensive background in journalism shows through in the caliber of her reporting and writing. Her instincts as a mom and parent volunteer guide her story choices and bring a unique voice to her first-person blog that also appears on Such A Smart Mom.

“Our children can’t put their education on hold until the economy turns around,” Braun said. “Their time to learn is now. Fortunately, smart moms and dads can turn to Such A Smart Mom to help their kids get where they need to go.”

Internet Watch: CBeebies iPlayer, Kidlandia

CBeebies iPlayer

The BBC has expanded the reach of its incredibly popular online TV catchup service, BBC iPlayer, by creating a special version made specially for under-6s.

Though children’s content is readily available on the standard iPlayer, this version is not only more colourful and accessible for younger computer users, but will only show CBeebies content. This makes it much easier for parents to control what their children are viewing, particularly as it’s possible to add parental locks to various programmes.

As per the main iPlayer, most shows are available to watch for a week after broadcast, with series being available to catchup on for up to 13 weeks.

CBBC iPlayer, aimed at 6-12s, launched last year.

Kidlandia

There’s a new online destination where kids and parents can connect in their very own virtual kingdom.

Kidlandia allows every child to be king or queen in their own fantasy kingdom with whimsical characters as companions, from horned Uniquills and scowling Grumps to long-trunked Yuhoos cavorting in Peppermint Meadows.

The child’s unique fantasyland online becomes home decor as a wall art map that displays islands, cities, mountains, and other features named after family and friends. The map is a legacy gift that can be presented as a family heirloom to decorate a child’s room, or ordered as a canvas scroll for sharing on a play date or at family reunions.

Kidlandia is the inspiration of Brian Backus, who started drawing the fascinating, illustrated characters that populate Kidlandia when he was just 4 years old, after being inspired by the stories of family neighbour Dr Seuss.

“Every child is enthusiastic about being the king or queen of their very own kingdom, with places named after a parent, brother, or best friend,” he said. “Kidlandia provides a personalized and safe way for parents and children to spend quality time online together, learning about and recording their own family stories in a kid-friendly way that then becomes a legacy. I wish my grandmother had one!”

Internet Watch: adult games sold to kids, Internet addiction, Twitter challenge benefits UNICEF

Welcome to Family Relationships Magazine’s weekly roundup of news about the Internet, particularly as it relates to children and families

Adult games sold to British kids

Trading Standards recently discovered that a number of online retailers are selling “mature” video games to children.

“The teenage volunteer visited 16 separate outlets and found that a dozen of them sold games. Only U.K stores Gamestation, Game, PC World and WH Smith refused to sell the titles.”

Read more

Children dependent on Internet

A new survey has discovered that Taiwanese children are more dependent on the Internet than ever before.

“Cartoon Network, from Feb 24 to March 23, interviewed a total of 1,001 children (aged between 7 and 14 years old) and 1,001 parents in Taipei, Taichung, and Kaohsiung in order to find out more about the local children’s lifestyle habits. It released its survey results yesterday and found that more than 90 percent of child respondents use the Internet frequently, with nearly 50 percent of children whose age falls between 13 and 14 years old using the Internet to play online games, download music, write blogs, send e-mail or use instant message services on a daily basis.”

It’s inevitable and a trend that’s likely to be reflected in other industrialised countries across the world.

It reinforces the need for parents to remain vigilant when it comes to their children’s Internet usage, including setting rules and boundaries.

Read more

Twitter challenge raises money for UNICEF

Whether you’d heard of the “Twitter challenge” between Ashton Kutcher and CNN, or even cared, the real winners appear to have been children, as UNICEF announced on Friday that it has received $100,000 from CNN designated for the provision of insecticide-treated nets (ITNs) meant to stem the spread of malaria.

Kids doing stuff online their parents wouldn’t approve of, survey finds

We’ve covered the subject of children’s usage of the Internet quite a bit already, as understandably it’s a subject of concern to parents.

Last year, a survey found that three-quarters of parents are spying on their kids online activities, despite another report suggesting that parents are failing to monitor their kids’ online habits.

Well, if the latest survey is to be believed, kids are still running rife on the Internet with their parents nearly clueless about what’s going on.

Bit black and white, eh, but then this was commissioned by a security software company (Symantec) so you might expect them to be pushing the virtues of their PC monitoring software.

In any case, their survey found that although three-quarters of parents are talking to their children about staying safe online, kids may still be bending the rules.

When questioned on how much time their children were spending online, parents answered with an average of 18.8 hours per month. In fact, the data suggests that kids are online for over twice that amount – 43.5 hours per month.

More worrying than simply how much time kids were spending online was that, when questioned, one in five said that they had looked at content on the Internet they knew their parents wouldn’t approve of.

“Having an open discussion with your children is something we really encourage,” said Marian Merritt, Symantec’s Internet Safety Advocate. “It’s not about coming down hard on them when they encounter inappropriate content, as the Internet is a great place to learn and to play, but there have to be boundaries. Kids in the UK are pretty Internet savvy, and parents need to keep up. We are encouraged by what we’re seeing, but there’s still work to be done by parents.”

Other interesting statistics from the survey included:

• 93% agree it’s their responsibility to protect kids online.
• 54% have set parental controls on web usage – the highest percentage globally bar India at 55%.
• 81% are confident they know what their children are looking at online.
• 31% of UK kids say their parents don’t know what they view online.
• 65% of UK parents feel very or extremely knowledgeable about discussing whether and when to share personal information on the Internet with their children.
• 16% of parents prefer to chat about sensitive subjects online rather than face-to-face.

There’s a load more information at the Norton Online Living web site.

Get that computer out of our bed! Virtual reality drives wedge between couple

There’s nothing like a bit of tech sex to sell tabloid newspapers, so the recent report that a wife wants to divorce her husband because he took part in virtual gay sex in the online game Second Life isn’t much of a surprise.

I reported on the threat of virtual adultery over three years ago, with some counsellors agreeing.

It’s easy to blame the Internet for all sorts of relationship problems, but as far as I’m concerned the reality is that anything can come between a husband and wife if the communication channels become blocked.

The trouble is that, while a husband’s uncontrollable urges for football or fishing or snooker or cars – or whatever other pastimes may take his fancy – can still be limited to some extent, computers and the Internet are available 24/7 and offer access to a huge range of things that could help to undermine a less-than-happy marriage.

Take the case of Lisa Best, as reported in the News of the World (not the most reliable of sources, granted, but let’s use this as a case study).

Lisa woke up in the middle of the night to find her “computer-mad husband … having virtual sex with another man on his laptop while he was in bed with her.”

For the uninitiated, Second Life is a type of virtual world where you adopt a character (called an avatar) and embark on adventures and relationships with other people. It’s escapism. It’s a fantasy, and one that many people find themselves increasingly hooked on.

John, her husband, said that there was no issue because it wasn’t real life.

She said “As far as I am concerned, having virtual sex with a man is the same as having sex with him in real life.”

He said “Second Life is just an escape and my avatar was just exploring things that I’d never sample – or want to sample – in real life.”

So who’s right?

Well, though I have my own views on this, I’ll attempt to sit on the fence and say that there’s no absolute right or wrong answer.

However…

If a wife (or husband) is unhappy with how their spouse is behaving, then there’s a problem.

It’s not for me to say whether John Best fantasises about being with other men, though it seems strange to me that you’d entertain such things – even in a virtual world – for so long without having some desire for them.

For me, that’s not the main point of the story, though I can sympathise with Lisa that it must be causing her a great deal of stress, confusion and inner turmoil.

The main point is why is one member of the marriage so attached to something that their marriage is suffering?

Granted, John may not have realised that his marriage was in trouble until that fateful night – he seemed keen enough to brush off the incident when confronted. However, anyone with such an obsession is in real trouble of messing up significant real-life relationships.

The article notes:

[Lisa] blames John’s computer obsession for destroying their sex life and any social interaction they had.

“Sex became less and less until in the end he just didn’t want it any more. In the past six months we only had it once-and that was after I pestered him for it,” she said.

Houston, we definitely have a problem.

“Over the course of 18 months I basically turned into a computer widow. He was more interested in his Facebook and MySpace friends than in me.”

Think this is extreme?

At one level, perhaps, but don’t believe that you could never fall into such a trap.

I know that, in my own marriage, we’ve put in boundaries and safeguards so that neither of us ends up neglecting the other.

For me, it’s ensuring that I don’t continue to work late into the evenings.

It’s also about maintaining communication. Spending time on Facebook, MySpace, Second Life, or indeed anything else in itself isn’t a problem. What is a problem is when it becomes obsessive or secretive.

What do you think?

Do you Twitter about family? Let us know, get connected

Once almost exclusively the domain of “techies”, particularly in Silicon Valley, Twitter is now getting quite a fan base across the world and with “ordinary” people.

Even Phillip Schofield tweets, as he announced to thousands of viewers on This Morning during the week.

We know that plenty of parents blog, as do a number of organisations and companies that are concerned about parenting and children’s issues. So we thought we’d try to build up a collection of Twitterers here at Family Relationships Magazine.

If you’re a mum, dad, carer, family- or children-oriented charity, or a company offering relevant products, and you have a Twitter account, why not let us know? Either follow our own Twitter stream at http://twitter.com/familyrelations and we’ll follow back, or email us at family@familyrelationships.org.uk/.

Mums: Get daily pregnancy tips via Twitter

Do you know what Twitter is?

It’s an online service which allows anyone to share 140-character snippets of information about themselves, what they’re doing, and what’s important to them. It’s a bit like text messaging on the Internet.

March of Dimes has announced that it’s providing daily pregnancy tips – or “tweets” – for mums via the service.

It’s available in both English and Spanish.

“We’re using all the new technology that’s available to us to help women make sense of the latest medical and scientific research,” said Beverly Robertson, national director of the Pregnancy & Newborn Health Education Center at the March of Dimes. “This service is in whatever format you want it. You can get it on your cell phone via text message, through instant messaging and online. The March of Dimes already has almost 1,000 Twitter followers around the country.”

Talking of Twitter, you can get updates from the Family Relationships Magazine here

Hispanic community gets new online safety resources for kids

Stop Internet Predators has announced its new Spanish website, designed to raise awareness of the new Internet technologies that can pose a threat to children.

October is both National Hispanic Heritage Month and Cyber Security Awareness Month, so it’s a fitting time to launch the resource.

Many of the fifteen advocacy groups that have joined the campaign are happy about the opportunity Stop Internet Predators has to discuss child safety issues specifically with the Hispanic community.

Alma Morales Riojas, President and CEO of MANA, A National Latina Organization, is featured in a video on the site explaining how important it is for the Hispanic community to be informed, to fully understand the new threats and to take the necessary action. “MANA welcomes the opportunity to utilize this new website as a platform to empower Latinas to alert themselves and their families of the possible threats brought by new technologies like Google ‘Street View’.”

More information about the campaign and a complete list of partners is available at www.StopInternetPredators.org.

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