Father figures wanted…

I am delighted to welcome our latest guest, Mendy, who blogs at The Grafted Tree about her experiences as a single mum bringing up her sister’s kids. Definitely worth a read, as is her first article for us on an important subject…

One of the most sensitive areas of reality for me and my kids (as with many) is the absence of a father figure in our already grafted family. I’m a pretty independent woman, but by no means a raging feminist (no offence) who can’t accept help or who doesn’t want what I call the traditional family structure, which includes 2 parents. I am determined however not to settle, whatever that means.

I have been single for a long time now, and raising two kids who didn’t come out of my own body may be a turn off for some who otherwise might be a good fit for me. Although my stalwart position on this is that I will not marry, or let anyone into my life who does not think…”these kids of hers are the greatest living beings on earth, who make my heart race with joy and excitement every single time I see them”. That criterion is mandatory, even though I know that this person may never love my kids as much as I do. Who really could, but it better be pretty damn close.

I have been on a few dates since becoming the full time mom of my kids, and it is a laborious process, especially when I have made the vow to not introduce my kids to every Sam, Dick, or Harry who may ask me out, or in whom I might see potential. They have already been through enough hell with their biological parents who, to say it in the kindest of words, did not think about their needs or wants at all.

I’ve known moms who have said no to potentially wonderful life-long relationships because of one red flag with their kids. I’ve also seen mothers who have said yes so many times that their kids still have no clue what a real father figure is to a family, and are pushed to the outer margins of importance when it comes to the mothers needs.

There is not much middle ground here folks. So I am anxious to hear your thoughts and beliefs on this critical family issue.