Cheating online? Facebook will catch you out

If you’re being unfaithful to your partner but haven’t been extremely careful about your Facebook profile, you are very likely to be caught out.

And rightly so.

Divorce lawyers are ditching the old-fashioned methods — private detectives and the like — in favour of snooping the social networks to catch out cheating spouses.

A careless status update or a series of compromising photographs could be all that’s needed to catch someone out, making them look less favourable in court.

Not only can social networks be used to catch cheaters, but they may also be responsible for extra-marital affairs in the first place.

Some of the recent privacy concerns surrounding Facebook in particular have meant that people are often unaware just how far-reaching their information may be shared, or easily found by those specifically searching for it.

It’s not just you who needs to be careful, either. If anyone else — the person you might be having a liaison with, or mutual friends — publishes something online about you, it could still land you in hot water.

That is, if you’ve got something you want to hide, of course.

“Attorneys advise users of Facebook and other social media who are headed toward a divorce or custody battle to edit their profiles, be cautious about updating statuses and double check to see who is really a “friend.”

Or to make things easier — at least until the trial is over or a settlement is reached — just get off Facebook completely.”

Via (Photo credit)

Larry King ready to divorce seventh wife

Brits may not recognise the name Larry King, unless they are avid fans of American chat shows, but the talking point here is just how many wives he has got through.

News today suggests that he is ready to divorce his seventh wife (and in fact has filed for divorce eight times).

In fact, with his seventh wife Shawn Southwick he’s done rather well as (celebrity) marriages go — managing 13 years and having two sons with her.

However, it all sounds pretty acrimonious now, with reports that King is petitioning a judge not to award 50-year-old Southwick spousal support or transfer of property to her.

He’s also seeking joint custody of the kids, while his wife wants sole custody.

The guy is getting on a bit, though, and as Southwick was only 28 years his junior, perhaps he’s looking for a younger model to take him into his octogenarian years.

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren divorce ‘imminent’

You don’t have to look far in celebrity world to find the next divorce statistic, and you’d probably be assured of a dead cert where Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are concerned.

Woods may have returned to golf, but the notable absence of his wife must’ve sent the alarm bells into overdrive.

US news show Entertainment Tonight has reported that Nordegren is close to filing for divorce.

“For weeks now there have been rumours that Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren might reconcile and save their marriage,” reported correspondent Kevin Frazier.

“It was believed by going to sex rehab that Tiger had done just enough to keep his family together. But sources have told me that the marriage is indeed over.”

Via

Sandra Bullock: Cheat on her, you get nothing

It turns out that the near-ubiquitous prenuptial agreement that every celebrity couple now arranges before the wedding day has worked in savvy Sandra Bullock’s favour.

Perhaps you’d expect the potential breakup of Sandra and husband Jesse James to net him a handsome chunk of her fortune, but the fact is that he messed about with another woman (women) — something expressly forbidden not only by the marriage vows but also by the pre-nup.

When you can’t stay faithful — five times — to your wife and still expect something in return, you’re deluding yourself.

Via

Grandparents take on influential role when couples separate

The imminent separation of a couple, particularly those with children, can be painful for friends and extended family as well as for those directly involved, yet those surrounding a couple often play a significant role in working things through.

A YouGov survey of one thousand separated parents (with children under the age of 18) found that only a quarter turned to a solicitor while three in five sought the advice of parents, siblings and friends.

The notable statistic is that almost one in three said that they turned to their parents (i.e. their kids’ grandparents) for help.

With such significance placed upon grandparents, Child Maintenance Options has launched its Grandparents’ Guide to Child Maintenance that aims to give all the information needed to ensure their grandchildren are properly provided for.

The guide includes sections outlining what child maintenance is and how it can be arranged, how it is calculated and what to do if the couple involved are not on speaking terms or a parent stops paying.

“More and more grandparents and other members of the family and friends of separating couples are calling our helpline, seeking guidance on their behalf,” says Janet Paraskeva, Chair of the Child Maintenance Options.

“A quarter of those using our website are 55 and over and many are grandparents. As a result we have decided to prepare this simple guide to child maintenance. We hope it will provide grandparents with the facts they need to offer the practical support that should lead to more children benefiting from effective child maintenance arrangements.”

The guide can be downloaded for free from CMOptions.org. Alternatively, call the Child Maintenance Options helpline on 0800 988 0988 to request a copy.

Improved marriage counselling can cut divorce rate

That headline sounds almost obvious, right?

We know that you can prove most things with statistics, but having said that, some interesting new figures have come from the UK’s Office of National Statistics…

The number of divorces in England and Wales decreased 5% in 2008 compared to the previous year, while in Scotland it was a 10% drop, and 4.8% in Northern Ireland.

Though the figures can’t paint the whole picture, experts believe that better counselling may have improved the figures.

It’s worth bearing in mind that these statistics don’t include couples that are living together unmarried, and there could be a range of other factors involved. However, it would be good to think that struggling couples are seeking advice and help, and that in an increased number of cases it’s working.

What we don’t know is how the economic crisis will affect rates in subsequent years. There have also been suggestions of a two per cent rise in the UK divorce rate this year.

UK divorce rate could rise 2% in 2010

According to the same online agency that told us Facebook is bad for marriage, the UK’s divorce rate could rise for the first time in a decade.

MD of Divorce-Online, Mark Keenan, expects to see at least a two per cent rise in divorce in 2010, with the recession generally to blame for much of this.

Britain’s annual divorce rate, at around 12 per 1,000 based on current figures, is still one of the world’s highest despite the fact that the rate has dropped over the past ten years.

Interestingly, some reports from last year thought that couples might stay together because of the poor financial climate, yet Keenan reckons a rise in property prices means couples can sell a house and move on without large debts.

Facebook bad for marriage says new research

Social networking phenomenon Facebook is at least partly responsible for one in five marriage breakups, if you believe the latest research from a British online divorce service.

By scanning their divorce petition database, they found that the word “Facebook” was used in 989 out of 5,000 cases sampled.

It seems that virtual infidelity, often starting with “inappropriate sexual chats”, have caused the most upset.

Of course, the research isn’t perfect by any means.

Firstly, this is from a scan of their own database, and therefore implies that their clients are technologically savvy.

Secondly, it only scans for one term, and doesn’t imply that use of such Internet services are wholly responsible for people filing for divorce.

Perhaps if there are already problems in a marriage, one or both partners may make problems worse by their online behaviour, but generally I think this would be a byproduct rather than the initial cause.

Having said that, it’s interesting that seven in ten Brits say online flirting is acceptable.

We also have interesting, albeit sensationalist, stories like that of a couple driven apart by online games.

So, I’m not surprised that Facebook and other online activity can play a part in marriage breakdowns, but it’s certainly not the sole cause in most cases.

Bad economy: divorce down, domestic violence up

Last year, when the scale of the economic crisis was still dawning upon us, the UK’s Office of National Statistics found that the slowing property market could be reducing the divorce rate.

That doesn’t mean that relationships have suddenly got significantly better. In fact, financial turmoil places a real strain on relationships, and new statistics from US-based LegalMatch paint a much more worrying picture.

While this year’s divorce rate increase of 12% was much less than in previous years (28%), cases of domestic violence had increased over previous years.

Added to this, in November 2008, the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, headquartered in Austin, Texas, reported a 21 percent increase in calls compared to last year.

While I’m a strong believer in marriage, the numbers suggest a sad story: that many in relationships where one partner has violent tendencies are even less able to leave now that the financial situation is so dire, and yet that same predicament is obviously leading some people to higher levels of aggression.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can provide a greater sense of security.

What’s really important is to talk to your partner straight away when it comes to dealing with financial problems.

Get that computer out of our bed! Virtual reality drives wedge between couple

There’s nothing like a bit of tech sex to sell tabloid newspapers, so the recent report that a wife wants to divorce her husband because he took part in virtual gay sex in the online game Second Life isn’t much of a surprise.

I reported on the threat of virtual adultery over three years ago, with some counsellors agreeing.

It’s easy to blame the Internet for all sorts of relationship problems, but as far as I’m concerned the reality is that anything can come between a husband and wife if the communication channels become blocked.

The trouble is that, while a husband’s uncontrollable urges for football or fishing or snooker or cars – or whatever other pastimes may take his fancy – can still be limited to some extent, computers and the Internet are available 24/7 and offer access to a huge range of things that could help to undermine a less-than-happy marriage.

Take the case of Lisa Best, as reported in the News of the World (not the most reliable of sources, granted, but let’s use this as a case study).

Lisa woke up in the middle of the night to find her “computer-mad husband … having virtual sex with another man on his laptop while he was in bed with her.”

For the uninitiated, Second Life is a type of virtual world where you adopt a character (called an avatar) and embark on adventures and relationships with other people. It’s escapism. It’s a fantasy, and one that many people find themselves increasingly hooked on.

John, her husband, said that there was no issue because it wasn’t real life.

She said “As far as I am concerned, having virtual sex with a man is the same as having sex with him in real life.”

He said “Second Life is just an escape and my avatar was just exploring things that I’d never sample – or want to sample – in real life.”

So who’s right?

Well, though I have my own views on this, I’ll attempt to sit on the fence and say that there’s no absolute right or wrong answer.

However…

If a wife (or husband) is unhappy with how their spouse is behaving, then there’s a problem.

It’s not for me to say whether John Best fantasises about being with other men, though it seems strange to me that you’d entertain such things – even in a virtual world – for so long without having some desire for them.

For me, that’s not the main point of the story, though I can sympathise with Lisa that it must be causing her a great deal of stress, confusion and inner turmoil.

The main point is why is one member of the marriage so attached to something that their marriage is suffering?

Granted, John may not have realised that his marriage was in trouble until that fateful night – he seemed keen enough to brush off the incident when confronted. However, anyone with such an obsession is in real trouble of messing up significant real-life relationships.

The article notes:

[Lisa] blames John’s computer obsession for destroying their sex life and any social interaction they had.

“Sex became less and less until in the end he just didn’t want it any more. In the past six months we only had it once-and that was after I pestered him for it,” she said.

Houston, we definitely have a problem.

“Over the course of 18 months I basically turned into a computer widow. He was more interested in his Facebook and MySpace friends than in me.”

Think this is extreme?

At one level, perhaps, but don’t believe that you could never fall into such a trap.

I know that, in my own marriage, we’ve put in boundaries and safeguards so that neither of us ends up neglecting the other.

For me, it’s ensuring that I don’t continue to work late into the evenings.

It’s also about maintaining communication. Spending time on Facebook, MySpace, Second Life, or indeed anything else in itself isn’t a problem. What is a problem is when it becomes obsessive or secretive.

What do you think?

Four tips for dealing with Christmas after divorce

Holidays are often a happy, but stressful time for most families. Add a divorce into that mix, and things can become infinitely more complicated. The experts at GreatDad.com, a leading source of experience, recommendations, inspiration and advice for dads, have some advice and suggestions to make the adjustment after a divorce as easy as possible for your family.

Communication and planning are critical elements to making the holidays stress-free and more enjoyable. Paul Banas, founder and CEO of GreatDad.com explains, “Dealing with holidays can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially the first few years after the separation. Working together with your ex-wife and planning well in advance will help eliminate some of the last-minute pressure and uncertainty that is sure to come up during the holidays.”

Sage Advice:

• Develop a Parenting Plan: Experts suggest developing a “parenting agreement” with your ex- after the divorce, which should include how and where the kids will spend holidays. With an agreement in place, you can avoid arguing about plans every time the holidays roll around.
• Remain Flexible and Patient: Even with a plan in place, changes will undoubtedly happen–flexibility and patience will go a long way to keeping everything running smoothly. “It’s definitely important to remain flexible during the holidays. Being extra-sensitive and ready for the inevitable schedule changes will help you and your kids have a great holiday together,” added Banas.
• Coordinate Gift Giving: It’s also important that you and your ex-spouse talk about what you are getting your kids as gifts. This way, you don’t end up giving the same things (iPhone, doll, Wii console, etc.), and you also set rules in place on what’s acceptable.
• Create New Traditions: With time and forethought, you and your children can create new traditions together and make the holidays joyous again. This is a wonderful opportunity to get the kids involved and show them how important their input is.

For more tips and advice for celebrating the holidays after a divorce, go to www.greatdad.com/holidays.

Celeb Watch: Madonna and Ritchie to divorce

After months of speculation, it has been confirmed that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are to divorce.

Their seven-and-a-half marriage came under media scrutiny when it was alleged that Madonna was having an affair with New York Yankees baseball player Alex Rodriguez. The couple has asked that the media respect their privacy at this time.

No other official details are available.

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