Mancunian men spend most time on phone to mum

With Mothers’ Day fast approaching, a mobile phone comparison web site decided to carry out some research to see how often men ‘phoned their mums.

The results: Six out of every ten hours spent on the telephone by men from Manchester were to their mothers.

The top ten cities are:

1. Manchester, 58% of all time spent on phone is calls to mum
2. Leeds, 54%
3. Newcastle Upon Tyne, 52%
4. Portsmouth, 51%
5. Birmingham, 46%
6. Liverpool, 46%
7. Swindon, 42%
8. Grimsby, 41%
9. Aberdeen, 39%
10. Bradford, 38%

While the bottom five are:

1. Glasgow, 4%
2. Luton, 5%
3. Coventry, 5%
4. Oxford, 6%
5. Cardiff, 7%

Of course the results aren’t conclusive. Maybe men in the lower-ranked cities spend a lot more time on their phones overall, thus reducing the proportion of time spent talking to any one person (including their mum).

Perhaps some men spend more time in face-to-face communication with their family.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that this is a subjective result, with the men who took part in the study being asked to calculate the average time spent on the phone to their mum as a proportion of the entire time spent using their phone over a one month period.

Managing Director of rightmobilephone.co.uk, Neil McHugh said, “As someone based in the South I was amazed at the results but maybe it could be because us southerners spend more time face to face with our mums than on the phone to them.”

Photo by DavidDennisPhotos.com

Parents and kids struggle to communicate about school

A new study shows that kids aren’t keen to share the details of their day at school with parents.

Most parents surveyed by Becta said that they didn’t know as much about their child’s day at school as they’d like to, with nearly half saying that they find it difficult or very difficult to extract information from their child.

On the other side of the coin, about the same proportion of children don’t like to share information with their parents, preferring to keep their school day private.

Professor Tanya Byron compiled the report which investigates the after-school communication challenge and provides guidelines to help parents improve interaction with both children and schools by using technology in addition to more traditional methods.

According to Professor Byron, this inability or unwillingness for parent and child to communicate might have implications which will hamper a child’s progress, creating stress between the parent-child relationship and creating tension between parent and school as the packed school itinerary gets ‘lost in translation’.

The report shows that while more than 90% of children say their parents are interested in their education, the majority of parents are struggling to get involved with their child’s learning, with many finding it difficult to get information on what is actually happening once their child is at school.

Despite packed lesson plans and innovative use of technologies, the research reveals that just 16% of children proactively communicate with their parents about their school day.

Becta’s Next Generation Learning campaign is urging parents to talk to their child’s school to find out how technology is already being used and also discuss ways it can help improve day-to-day communications between them and the school in the future.

Professor Tanya Byron comments, “This report highlights how fundamental positive communication within and after school can help raise attainment and build children’s sense of self worth. By creating a collaborative, three-way dialogue between parents, schools and children; by harnessing the new and exciting technologies that enable seamless communication between school and home; and – most importantly – by engaging children in after school communication that is fun, relaxed, open and well timed, we can all enable them to maximise their academic potential and enjoy their school and further education years.”

More information about this initiative is available at the Next Generation Learning web site.

Gestures can improve early speech development, scientists find

Using signs and gestures with babies can enhance their communication skills and allow them to learn to talk more quickly, according to research by scientists at the University of Chicago.

The research confirms previous studies that show a strong link between gestures and spoken language, finding that babies who use gestures to communicate, at an early age, have large spoken vocabularies compared to their non-gesturing peers by the time they reach school age.

“Babies have so much to say- even before they can talk. Babies who sign, usually learn to speak much more quickly and more clearly than babies who don’t,” said Katie Mayne, founder of TinyTalk, an ex-primary school teacher and a mother of two. “Signs are like ‘pictures’ for babies, helping them to understand what is being said to them. The signs also help the children to express themselves much earlier too. Their communication attempts promote growing self-confidence and self-esteem which, in turn, leads to further communication! Importantly, through signing, children also make early attempts at speech.”

TinyTalk offers baby signing classes right across the UK and Ireland and is seeing a significant increase in demand. More and more families are seeking to experience the benefits of early communication with their little ones. Mayne explains, “Contrary to popular belief, sign language encourages spoken language rather than hindering it. Even tantrums are reduced! Signing babies are happy babies, able to understand and be understood, and happy babies mean happy carers! Families who attend our classes tell us that their babies and toddlers are little chatterboxes, full of things to say!”

TinyTalk.co.uk

Get that computer out of our bed! Virtual reality drives wedge between couple

There’s nothing like a bit of tech sex to sell tabloid newspapers, so the recent report that a wife wants to divorce her husband because he took part in virtual gay sex in the online game Second Life isn’t much of a surprise.

I reported on the threat of virtual adultery over three years ago, with some counsellors agreeing.

It’s easy to blame the Internet for all sorts of relationship problems, but as far as I’m concerned the reality is that anything can come between a husband and wife if the communication channels become blocked.

The trouble is that, while a husband’s uncontrollable urges for football or fishing or snooker or cars – or whatever other pastimes may take his fancy – can still be limited to some extent, computers and the Internet are available 24/7 and offer access to a huge range of things that could help to undermine a less-than-happy marriage.

Take the case of Lisa Best, as reported in the News of the World (not the most reliable of sources, granted, but let’s use this as a case study).

Lisa woke up in the middle of the night to find her “computer-mad husband … having virtual sex with another man on his laptop while he was in bed with her.”

For the uninitiated, Second Life is a type of virtual world where you adopt a character (called an avatar) and embark on adventures and relationships with other people. It’s escapism. It’s a fantasy, and one that many people find themselves increasingly hooked on.

John, her husband, said that there was no issue because it wasn’t real life.

She said “As far as I am concerned, having virtual sex with a man is the same as having sex with him in real life.”

He said “Second Life is just an escape and my avatar was just exploring things that I’d never sample – or want to sample – in real life.”

So who’s right?

Well, though I have my own views on this, I’ll attempt to sit on the fence and say that there’s no absolute right or wrong answer.

However…

If a wife (or husband) is unhappy with how their spouse is behaving, then there’s a problem.

It’s not for me to say whether John Best fantasises about being with other men, though it seems strange to me that you’d entertain such things – even in a virtual world – for so long without having some desire for them.

For me, that’s not the main point of the story, though I can sympathise with Lisa that it must be causing her a great deal of stress, confusion and inner turmoil.

The main point is why is one member of the marriage so attached to something that their marriage is suffering?

Granted, John may not have realised that his marriage was in trouble until that fateful night – he seemed keen enough to brush off the incident when confronted. However, anyone with such an obsession is in real trouble of messing up significant real-life relationships.

The article notes:

[Lisa] blames John’s computer obsession for destroying their sex life and any social interaction they had.

“Sex became less and less until in the end he just didn’t want it any more. In the past six months we only had it once-and that was after I pestered him for it,” she said.

Houston, we definitely have a problem.

“Over the course of 18 months I basically turned into a computer widow. He was more interested in his Facebook and MySpace friends than in me.”

Think this is extreme?

At one level, perhaps, but don’t believe that you could never fall into such a trap.

I know that, in my own marriage, we’ve put in boundaries and safeguards so that neither of us ends up neglecting the other.

For me, it’s ensuring that I don’t continue to work late into the evenings.

It’s also about maintaining communication. Spending time on Facebook, MySpace, Second Life, or indeed anything else in itself isn’t a problem. What is a problem is when it becomes obsessive or secretive.

What do you think?

Do you Twitter about family? Let us know, get connected

Once almost exclusively the domain of “techies”, particularly in Silicon Valley, Twitter is now getting quite a fan base across the world and with “ordinary” people.

Even Phillip Schofield tweets, as he announced to thousands of viewers on This Morning during the week.

We know that plenty of parents blog, as do a number of organisations and companies that are concerned about parenting and children’s issues. So we thought we’d try to build up a collection of Twitterers here at Family Relationships Magazine.

If you’re a mum, dad, carer, family- or children-oriented charity, or a company offering relevant products, and you have a Twitter account, why not let us know? Either follow our own Twitter stream at http://twitter.com/familyrelations and we’ll follow back, or email us at family@familyrelationships.org.uk/.

Four tips for dealing with Christmas after divorce

Holidays are often a happy, but stressful time for most families. Add a divorce into that mix, and things can become infinitely more complicated. The experts at GreatDad.com, a leading source of experience, recommendations, inspiration and advice for dads, have some advice and suggestions to make the adjustment after a divorce as easy as possible for your family.

Communication and planning are critical elements to making the holidays stress-free and more enjoyable. Paul Banas, founder and CEO of GreatDad.com explains, “Dealing with holidays can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially the first few years after the separation. Working together with your ex-wife and planning well in advance will help eliminate some of the last-minute pressure and uncertainty that is sure to come up during the holidays.”

Sage Advice:

• Develop a Parenting Plan: Experts suggest developing a “parenting agreement” with your ex- after the divorce, which should include how and where the kids will spend holidays. With an agreement in place, you can avoid arguing about plans every time the holidays roll around.
• Remain Flexible and Patient: Even with a plan in place, changes will undoubtedly happen–flexibility and patience will go a long way to keeping everything running smoothly. “It’s definitely important to remain flexible during the holidays. Being extra-sensitive and ready for the inevitable schedule changes will help you and your kids have a great holiday together,” added Banas.
• Coordinate Gift Giving: It’s also important that you and your ex-spouse talk about what you are getting your kids as gifts. This way, you don’t end up giving the same things (iPhone, doll, Wii console, etc.), and you also set rules in place on what’s acceptable.
• Create New Traditions: With time and forethought, you and your children can create new traditions together and make the holidays joyous again. This is a wonderful opportunity to get the kids involved and show them how important their input is.

For more tips and advice for celebrating the holidays after a divorce, go to www.greatdad.com/holidays.

Fifth of UK families liken themselves to the Royles?

According to a recent survey by Vodafone, one in five British families liken themselves to the Royle Family, while just over one in six saw a likeness between their own family and The Simpsons.

TV soap families like the Battersbys, Mitchells, Gallaghers and Trotters were among the families Brits thought they were the least like.

The strong traditional values of the Waltons made it the family that over half of Brits would most like to emulate even though only 16% could say they were actually like them. Only 32% of families say they are part of a family that follows Waltons-like traditional family values, even though 92% of people have a good idea of what makes traditional family values.

The survey reveals the top three most important things for a family to do is to talk regularly (90%), eat dinner together (71%) and celebrate special occasions together (69.%).

Also underlined by the survey was the old adage you can choose your friends but not your family. Two-thirds of the UK population would love to be able to choose their family, with over a third wishing they had a personal friend in their family and 15% even wanting a celebrity to be a relative.

Ian Haynes, Head of Product Marketing for Vodafone UK, said, “What’s clear from our survey is that while there are many different types of families in the UK, everyone wants to keep traditional values alive. Talking regularly to one another is voted as really important. Not everyone can always sit together at the dinner table, so whether by voice or text, family communication is generally made easier with the mobile.”

Of course, that leads nicely onto a plug for Vodafone, who has just introduced the Vodafone Family tariff, where one person pays £5 a month and can nominate three contract or pay as you talk people to join their “Family”. They can then make unlimited calls between each other. There’s also a £7 per month package for up to six people to join.

Financial problems: make your partner your first contact

Professionals who offer advice to people in financial difficulty state how important it is to maintain active and open communication with those with whom you have a financial relationship with.

This is usually taken to mean creditors, your mortgage lender, your bank, and your landlord, but if you are married or in a committed long-term relationship, the person you should have the closest financial relationship with is your partner.

Regardless of how you have decided to run your financial lives together – be it completely joined, completely separate, or somewhere in between – you still have a commitment to one another in every area of your life.

It’s no surprise that money can cause all sorts of relationship problems if not dealt with openly and honestly, and yet a survey last year showed that many people would not share their credit score with their partner.

That’s just one example.

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Parents believe their kids’ mobile phone use is “out of control”. Enter OmegoMobile

This post was first published at Tech Digest

Parents are increasingly concerned about their children’s use of mobile phones.

Research published today suggests that over four in five British parents (81%) are worried about their children being contacted by strangers, of having their mobile phone stolen, or being a victim of cyber-bullying. That’s despite 71% saying that the phone would be vital in the case of an emergency.

Conversely, 58% of children would hate to have their mobile phone taken way.

The research leads nicely to OmegoMobile, the mobile phone for kids which has been designed to address the concerns of parents.

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Teens and pre-teens increase cell phone use during the summer

When school’s out, children and teenagers are increasingly to be found using their mobile phone, according to a new Disney Mobile Cell and Tell survey by Harris Interactive.

Teen and tween cell phone use in the summer jumps to more than 3 hours and 45 minutes a day, an increase of more than an hour a day as compared with a normal school day.

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Building Up Your Marriage with Healthy Communication

Would you like to have a stronger, healthier, more enjoyable marriage? I am sure that you would. And yet we live in a culture where about half of all marriages will shatter and end in a divorce, leaving behind the wreckage of broken adults and broken children.

If we are to build healthy marriages, we much do so “on purpose.” We cannot just hope that it will happen by accident. “Hope,” say the generals, “is not a good strategy.” Planning, work, and the investment of time, are much better strategies for any important endeavor of life. The first characteristic of a healthy marriage for us to consider is the way that we talk to our spouse, and the way that we talk about our spouse.

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