Do as I say, not as I do….

Dennis Charles is the CEO of the Fourth Wave Institute in Boston, Massachusetts. He is the father of five beautiful children.

As parents, there are certain things that we can agree on. We want happy, fulfilled kids who are good citizens. We know that children learn this by modeling the behaviour of the most important people in their lives. And for the first few years, this is the behaviour of their parents.

I was at a party last week and I had a fascinating conversation with a single mother about her teenage son. She told me that she hopes that he only does the things she allows him to see. She alluded to a number of things that she does in private that she hopes that he will never find out about. When I told her that kids are very perceptive and that her son probably knows on some level that she does those things, she gave me a resigned smile. “I know” she said, “but I can hope that he doesn’t can’t I?”. Hmm, hope. I think there is more that we can do as parents, than hope.

Your kids come with built in mirror-neurons. They are biological modeling machines and they are going to pick up on everything that you do, on every micro-muscular movement you make. And that includes the things you do when they are not around you.

I constantly get asked what are the three parenting essentials. I reply without any hesitation:

1. Ensure that your kids eat well.
2. Ensure that they get enough sleep.
3. Model for them the behaviours that you want them to express in the outside world.

Is this easy? Of course not, especially in a culture that promotes binge drinking, eating fast food, violence, gossiping, and apathy. But sometimes you have to act counter-culturally. There is a great business book called “Strategy And The Fat Smoker” by a guy called David Maister. In it, Maister says that people get that eating a lot of fast food and smoking cigarettes will make you ill, yet until something drastic happens, they do it anyway. The secret to parenting success is to pick a strategy that you believe in, and do the work it takes to stick to it.

So as parents can we be perfect? Of course not. One of the great traits of humans is our imperfection. However, we can strive to be the best we can, to model for our kids what is important. It takes courage and bravery to to step outside of the cultural norms and stand up for what we believe in. But, I believe that our kids deserve courageous behaviour to model.

Photo credit: D Sharon Pruitt

Are over-the-counter DNA paternity tests ethical?

Hackney, in East London, is one of the first areas in the United Kingdom to allow chemists to sell over-the-counter DNA paternity testing kits.

A short but interesting piece on BBC London News raises the inevitable ethical questions of allowing such easy access to these tests.

Ian Meekins from International Biosciences, manufacturer of the test, is unsurprisingly in favour of the kit which provides “indisputable answers to emotive questions”, claiming that “people have the right to be able to get those answers.”

He may well be right. There is a certain level of choice involved here, although the finances required to receive test results could be a barrier in themselves — the kit costs £30 but a further payment of £119 is required in order to have the test processed.

The method for collecting the DNA samples is simple. Use a separate mouth swab for the mother, the child, and the man who is testing for paternity, and then send the swabs away to be analysed.

That’s the finances and the procedure taken care of, but what about the rights and emotional wellbeing of the child?

Josephine Quintavalle from the ethics organisation Comment on Reproductive Ethics is convinced that children are not being protected.

She said that, most often, the tests are not done for the benefit of the child, and are taken without their consent. It’s disputing, warring couples where the male involved is effectively deciding whether to accept or reject the child.

“We have a duty to protect children and their rights in this instance,” she said.

However, the Hackney chemist selling the kits said that he will provide counselling to those families who need it.

Sadly, in these days, the issue of paternity comes up a lot, and while a kit like this makes it physically easy to determine who the biological father is, we surely have to question whether it’s always the best thing to do.

I am sure there are plenty of situations where men who are not biological fathers are doing a fine job of bringing up children. Granted, there are other issues such as the right for a child, at the appropriate time, to know who their biological parents are, but particularly when very young children are involved, is there potential to do more harm than good in making these sorts of tests so readily available?

Presumably, if trials are successful in Hackney, the test could be rolled out nationwide.

An emotive subject, surely, but I’d be interested to hear your views.

Read the original news story at BBC News Online

Should “Grandparents Law” be introduced in Britain?

Many people believe in the important role that grandparents play in the upbringing of children, despite the fact that Western society has changed significantly over the past few decades, and that the idea of a connected family is quite different to that in many Eastern countries.

That being the case, there are still cases where grandparents are unable to see their grandchildren due to familial breakdown and a lack of communication, and it seems to be for this reason that the Conservatives have suggested that grandparents will be given greater recognition under a Tory government.

In cases where parents split and divorce, new laws could ensure that grandparents are still granted access to their grandchildren, or even be given priority in custody cases, depending on the circumstances.

David Shields, from the Grandparents’ Association, said that the current law means grandparents have no voice or say at all. “They have no more rights than a stranger. They don’t even have a right to stay in touch with their grandchildren,” he told the Daily Mail.

We hear stories of grandparents who, after sharing many happy times with their grandkids, and helping out their children and inlays, are told they can no longer see them because of acrimonious divorce and custody battles.

It seems a great shame that the only way for generations of a family to see one another is through the legal system, but perhaps that’s better than nothing.

In the ideal world, even in split families, children would naturally be able to see their grandparents on both the maternal and paternal side without the need for people to fight over them.

Children so often get used as pawns in messy separations, and grandparents could even provide some much needed stability in times of turmoil.

No separation is totally without mess. Perhaps a change in the law would help all those involved in particularly messy scenarios, while more amicable (or, at least, accommodating) families can sort things out for themselves.

What do you think? Does Britain need a change in the law to boost grandparents’ rights?

Twelve toys of Christmas: under £50 toys a hit this year

Last month’s industry research found that British kids are hankering for sub-£50 toys and games this Christmas.

That’s probably good news for cash-strapped parents.

A few old favourites get makeovers, including LEGO, Monopoly and Transformers.

The Toy Retailers Association found that the average price of a toy on the top dozen list was around £26. That’s £6 less than two years ago.

“With licensed toys combining the fun and familiarity of popular characters as well as collectable, pocket money priced toys making a big comeback this year, we are in for an affordable, family orientated Christmas,” said the association’s chairman Gary Grant.

“The list also reveals a trend towards nostalgic characters and brands which have been updated with a modern twist. Consumers are reverting back to heritage brands which will last longer than the Christmas season.”

The dozen is:

1. Bakugan Battle Pack
2. Battle Strikers Starter Set
3. Ben 10 Alien Force Kevin’s DX Action Cruiser
4. Bendaroos Mega Pack
5. Go Go Pets Hamster
6. GX Racers Tightrope Terror
7. Kidizoom Multimedia Digital Camera
8. LEGO Games 3841 Minotaurus
9. Monopoly City
10. Princess Peppa’s Palace
11. Sylvanian Families Caravan
12. Transformers Movie 2 Voyagers Figures

Bullying Prevention Skills and Techniques for Children

This is a guest post by Mark Lakewood, CEO, a distinguished bullying prevention expert, author, and speaker with over 20 years of clinical experience as a family therapist. He provided clinical and consultation services to school personnel and students on issues of bullying and behavior management. He facilitates the “Standing Up To Bullying” Conference.

Child bullying is a big problem in our schools today. The main difference between child bullying today from the past is the nature of the bullying and the violence that occurs in the aftermath. Cyberbullying is becoming a popular and more destructive form of bullying than traditional bullying. More children today are bringing guns to school to seek revenge on others. Child bullying has been around and will probably remain for years to come.

Unfortunately, we do not have the power to rid the world of bullying. The answer to the issue of child bullying rests within us, especially the victims of bullying. Victims of bullying are never responsible for being bullied. On the contrary, victims of child bullying have the power in themselves to think, behave, and react in ways that limits or eradicates bullying.

As a society, we spend much of our energy identifying and punishing the bully that we fail to spend adequate time empowering the victims of child bullying. We should spend more of our energy on the things that we can control rather than the things that we have limited or no control over.

We need to teach children about the power that they already possess. Let me elaborate on a few issues that parents should teach their children regarding bullying prevention.

Let’s first talk about the characteristics of child bullying.

Typically, bullies and their victims share the same characteristic – low self-esteem. It just depends on whether they internalize or externalize their feelings that will determine if they will become a bully or a victim of bullying. Typically, negative situations and events in the child’s life can trigger low self-esteem. Externalizing feelings can cause some children to become bullies as they attempt to control their environment to compensate for their lack of control in their family.

For instance, if the parents of a child are divorcing and the child is very upset about the divorce, he/she might feel powerless in his/her ability to keep his/her parents together. As a result, the child might take out his/her rage on others for purposes of seeking control to compensate for his/her lack of control over their parents’ impending divorce.

Given the same scenario (parental divorce), some children internalize their feelings by not talking or acting out how they feel. Instead, they become depressed and withdrawn feeling like a failure. Often, they develop a negative image of themselves and their physical appearance. They look at others and the world around them with shaded lens. When a bully validates this child’s feelings about him/herself, this child often reacts negatively to the validation because he/she feels the bully is correct in their interpretation.

Often times, children with high self-esteem do not respond negatively to bullies because they already know that negative personal statements made by the bully are untrue and therefore are unworthy of attention.

As human beings, our behavior, thoughts, and feelings are never dictated or controlled by others, situations, and events unless we allow this to occur. Simply said, others, situations, and events can trigger a reaction based on what we think. For example, if I do not want to go to work today and my car has a flat tire, I might experience happiness because I do not want to go to work. On the other hand given the same event (flat tire), I might want to go to work today to take care of some unfinished business. Because the flat tire might delay or eliminate my chances of getting to work, this situation might cause me anger.

How could the same event in both situations cause two different feelings? It was not the event at all that triggered the feelings. It was what I thought about the event that triggered my feelings. Therefore, manipulating the way we think can alter how we feel.

We have the power to take ownership and control over our thoughts. We however have limited or no control over specific events, situations, and the behavior of others. Sometimes, we attempt to control events, situations, and others but become frustrated when our attempts fail.

Now, how does the paragraph above apply to the issue of bullying prevention?

The main goal of bullies is to get their victims to experience fear, anger, or sadness. Once their victim demonstrates signs of these emotions via the words he/she says, body language, or actions, the bully has complete and total control over him/her.

The bullying will continue until the victim no longer verbally and/or physically displays fear, anger, or sadness in response to the bullying. The bullying will end once the victim responds the opposite of what the bully expects.

How do we get children to react the opposite of what the bully expects?

This is where role-playing comes in handy. Parents should regularly sit down with their children helping them learn to react the opposite of what bullies expect. Often times, this task is much easier when the parent knows what hurtful words or phrases bullies say that makes their children feel fearful, angry, or sad. Using these hurtful words and/or phrases in role-plays will emotionally prepare children when they are approached by bullies.

It is also important to teach children that they have the power to change or affect the agenda of bullies by the words they use. For instance, if a bully calls a child ‘stupid’, the child could defuse the bullying by stating to the bully, “That’s nice”, “How about that”, “Oh, well”, and so forth. The worst thing that the child could do is respond by telling the bully that he/she is stupid or make other negative statements. A negative response will only inflame the situation encouraging further bullying.

In addition, parents should teach and role-play with their children specific forms of body language that differentiates a child with high self-esteem from a child with low self-esteem.

Body language communicates feelings more so than spoken words.

If a child yells at a bully stating that he/she is not bothered by the bully’s behavior, the bully knows that the child is bothered because of the yelling. Lack of eye contact, looking down, slouched posture, lack of hygiene, and low tone of voice can be viewed as symptoms of low self-esteem.

Parents need to teach their children that bullies rarely get angry at them. Bullies are typically angry at themselves and/or events that occurred or are occurring in their own life for which they have limited or no control. Bullies indirectly take out their anger on the ones they could easily control.

Parents should never teach their children to physically fight back when approached by a bully. The problem with fighting back is that children can get themselves into trouble for engaging in physically assaultive behavior.

Think of it this way – bullies rarely throw the first punch. They always entice their victim into throwing the first punch. This way when they are asked who started the fight, the bully could easily and truthfully state that their victim started it. In addition, there are significant legal ramifications that can arise as a result of physically assaultive behavior.

It is important to remember that physical violence typically occurs after a negative verbal interaction. Violence typically is provoked and rarely unprovoked. Therefore to avoid violence, the conflict can and should be defused during the verbal exchange. This is why the words victims say and their body language are so significant and detrimental to the outcome of bullying.

Recent school shootings suggest that the shooters were bullied by their classmates. The bullying subsequently provoked the school violence.

Parents should be cautious when teaching their children to ignore bullies. The problem with ignoring is that the bully knows that his/her behavior is irritating, annoying, and controlling his/her victim. Therefore, the bullying will continue.

Parents should be cautious when teaching their children to report bullying to an adult without first attempting to resolve the conflict on their own. Parents should encourage their children to first attempt to resolve the bullying on their own with the skills taught above. If their children are unsuccessful resolving these issues on their own, they should be encouraged to report the bullying. If their children automatically report the bullying without attempting to defuse the situation on their own, they will be perceived and labeled as a tattle-tale which will encourage the bullying to continue.

Parents need to teach their children the correct definition of the word ‘tattling’. Some children think that reporting child misbehavior to adults is considered tattling. Parents need to teach their children that reporting on others just to see them get into trouble is considered tattling.

A child that reports to his/her parents that his/her brother is picking his nose is considered tattling. Children always need to report to an adult if they were physically, sexually, or verbally harmed by others or if they witnessed others engaging in destructive or illegal behaviors.

It is very easy to feel sympathetic toward victims of child bullying. However, it would be more helpful to the victim if we are more empathic to their needs by empowering them to diffuse bullying on their own. As a result, their ability to defuse the bullying would ultimately raise their level of self-esteem and self-worth.

Author’s Biography

Mark Lakewood, CEO, is a distinguished bullying prevention expert, author, and speaker with over 20 years of clinical experience as a family therapist. He provided clinical and consultation services to school personnel and students on issues of bullying and behavior management. He facilitates the “Standing Up To Bullying” Conference.

Dad’s the taxi: kids driven 56,000 miles by dedicated parent

Did your dad used to ferry you about in the car when you were a child or teenager? If so, you’re not alone.

New research from Motors.co.uk suggests that dads will travel over 56,000 miles and spend six months of their life as a free taxi cab service to their children.

The poll of 973 fathers’ driving habits found that the average driving dad travels over 60 miles and spends an average of 3 hours every week ferrying their children to school, sports
clubs and social events.

Of course, the poll also decided to inject some sex appeal into proceedings by asking who dad’s ideal passenger would be. Joanna Lumley was voted the most desirable passenger by a quarter of driving dads, with Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole second most popular (16%).

UK fathers are secretly dreaming of being James Bond whilst on the school run, with most dads listing an Aston Martin as their ideal car.

With all this going on, it’s not surprising that a third of the kids interviewed said that they were embarrassed by their dad’s car (or is that just “dad”?) on the school run. Goes with the job, doesn’t it?

“The results of this survey show that the UK’s driving dads are spending more time than ever driving their children around with the average father spending six months of their lives on the school run. This Father’s Day, motors.co.uk is calling for all dads to have the day off to spend some quality time at home with their families without a car in sight,” said Katie Armitage, marketing manager for motors.co.uk.

Live web chat: Get Your Kids Eating Good Food Without the Fuss

Tomorrow (Friday 24th April) at 1.30pm (BST) there’s a live web chat entitled Get Your Kids Eating Good Food… Without The Fuss!.

Parent Coach Lorraine Thomas joins us live online to answer questions about encouraging your children to eat more healthily.

When you ask your little ones what they’d like for dinner, it’s usually a resounding chorus of chicken nuggets and chips! Most of us would fall off our chair if our kids asked for anything that was good for them. Instead mums are often forced to resort to ’stealth tactics’ to get our kids to eat good food and therefore get the nutrients they need.

Research by Hovis Best of Both shows that crucial fibrous foods such as vegetables, brown or wholemeal bread and fruit are among the top things that mums struggle to get their kids eating – the very foods that help make up part of a balanced diet for growing bodies. Some of us have smuggled vegetables into foods they will eat, while others will play fun games at the dinner table or bribe them with pudding just to finish their plate. As a result, breakfast time, preparing lunchboxes and actually getting the kids of the door in the morning prove the most stressful times of day for mums.

The study shows many of us are so fed up with the constant dinner table battles that we’ve given up trying to feed our kids food they don’t like altogether. Whilst letting them pick and choose what they eat might lead to a quieter life, this often means foods like vegetables and brown bread are left to one side, in favour of unhealthy and nutritionally poor food.

Whether you’re at your wits end, or just after some tips on giving your family the best of both worlds at mealtimes, help is at hand! Chief Executive of The Parent Coaching Academy, Lorraine Thomas will be joining us in the studio to talk about giving your family a healthy diet without the fuss… Send your questions in now!

You can watch the show and send in your questions by visiting the webchats portal.

Parents guide to bereavement published by Positive Parents Confident Kids

When someone important dies it is a distressing event to which people react differently. Some may be shocked, some seem numb, whilst others get very upset and tearful. Coping with personal feelings can be especially difficult if children need to be supported too. It may be difficult for a parent to do the ‘normal’ things and keep to the same routines as their whole perspective changes when they are in shock.

“How you handle death and grief is a blueprint for how your children handle death and grief in their emotional lives,” advises parent coach and author, Sue Atkins, of Positive Parents Confident Kids. “As a parent you are a real-life role model for your children.”

Parents often try to protect their children by not talking about illness or death. This is, of course, understandable as not everyone is comfortable talking about their emotions or knows what to say. However, Sue Atkins believes that, “children are sensitive, intelligent people who need to be listened to and asked how they feel. They have their own personal unique relationship with the person who has died and need to be allowed to express their grief.”

Children handle death and loss in a number of different ways, as do adults, and it is important to understand that children of differing ages react in different ways, and not always as an adult may react or behave.

Children’s understanding of death comes gradually:

Under five years:

• children of this age have little abstract sense of time or distance, so final and forever means very little to them
• dead means less alive
• death is a sleep or a journey
• death and life are interchangeable

From five to eight years:

• death is a frightening person
• death is final
• death is often seen as the end result of violence and aggression
• and often there’s an intense interest in the rituals surrounding death

From around nine years onwards:

• children understand that death is the end of bodily life
• death is inevitable, final and happens to everyone eventually

From around nine years of age most children will have an adult view of death although this will depend on their development, maturity and past experiences of death. “The best way of understanding what children think and feel about death is to listen carefully, talk gently with them, and be guided by them.”

Many parents feel that childhood is a time free from difficulties and challenging events but in reality this just isn’t the case. It is how the parent handles the challenges that makes their children grow up well balanced, resilient and strong, able to handle the blows life deals them.

“Don’t be afraid to be completely natural in your own grief – don’t hide it away from your children. Grief is a natural emotion. Sadness is part of life and by talking it through together your child can experience the healing process first hand,” advises Sue Atkins.

Organisations to help:

Winston’s Wish – The Clara Burgess Centre, Bayshill Road, Cheltenham GL51 3WH
Tel: 01242 515157
Helpline: 0845 203 0405 (Mon-Fri 9-5pm)
Website: www.winstonswish.org.uk

Childline – Freepost NATN1111, London E1 6BR
Tel: 020 7239 1000; 0800 1111 (24-hour helpline)
Website: www.childline.org.uk

Childhood Bereavement Network
Tel: 0115 911 8070
Website: www.ncb.org.uk/cbn

Child Bereavement Trust
Tel: 01494 446648 (general inquiries); 0845 357 1000 (information and support line)
Website: www.childbereavement.org.uk

BBC announces new drama and animation for children

There’s an exciting line up of programming for children coming from the BBC including historical drama, animation, and the return of Tracy Beaker.

Horrible Histories

An all-star cast of well-known British comedy actors have come together to record a series of dramatisation of Terry Deary’s books.

Sarah Hadland, Steve Punt and Meera Syal have brought to life strange facts, rotten rulers, gory battles, crazy inventions and weird and wonderful moments from the past, with stars including Jim Howick, Simon Farnaby and Ben Ward.

Starting out in the Savage Stone Age, Horrible Histories progresses through the Awful Egyptians, Rotten Romans, Vicious Vikings, Measly Middle Ages, Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians and Vile Victorians, right up to the Woeful Second World War.

Each episode features a mixture of sketches from different ages, played by the talented ensemble cast, and commentary from the show’s host Rattus Rattus – the talking rat.

Liberally splattered with guts, blood and poo, Horrible Histories romps through the ages in a collection of sketches, cartoons and quizzes.

Including pastiches of some familiar TV formats such as Historical Wife Swap, Historical Hospital and Ready Steady Feast, the series also features numerous songs including the Four Georges song – a musical journey through 18th Century British history in the style of a Westlife ballad.

OOglies

What do you get when you add a pair of eyes to everyday household objects and foods? The OOglies of course!

Commissioned by BBC Scotland for CBBC, OOglies is a fast-paced sketch show which sees everyday household objects come alive with a simple pair of googly eyes.

The OOglies world will “be home” to more than 70 characters such as The Scramblers, a trio of motorbike riding stunt eggs, Lonely Sprout, a cheery little sprout who just wants to make friends, and Devious Blender, an evil blender who deceives fruit into getting into him, and many more!

The series will be made using cutting edge technology – digital animatics in fact – which speeds up the animation process by about four times. The aim is for each animator to produce 20 to 25 seconds a day.

“Through the success of Wallace & Gromit, people have become familiar with stop-frame animation and characters made with modelling clay, but OOglies will be a new spin with actual everyday real objects – for the most part – coming to life, having fun, sometimes misbehaving, and communicating with their googly eyes. The pace of the series will be fast, furious and funny,” said series producer Nick Hopkin.

Tracy Beaker

Finally, Jacqueline Wilson’s Tracy Beaker will return to our screens in 2010 in a new original 13-part series.

This new drama will see teenage Tracy back at the Dumping Ground, but this time as a carer.

Welcoming the return of Tracy, Jacqueline said, “So many children ask me what happened to her when she got older, now we can finally find out.”

The show picks up as Tracy is now living with Cam, something she has dreamt of for years. She is writing a book – The Story of Tracy Beaker – which gives an account of her sometimes outrageous actions when she was a youngster in care herself.

She is convinced that the book will be an instant hit that will make her rich and famous in the process. However, after a series of disasters, she realises she needs to earn some cash, and despite her better instincts, her experiences make her perfect for working in a care home, and she is drawn back to the Dumping Ground.

Although she no longer lives there, she quickly becomes embroiled in to the lives of the current residents, meeting a gang of new kids and trying to help them with their problems. Tracy Beaker is back!

What Are We Doing To Our Kids?: BBC Wales fortnight of programmes begins

BBC Cymru Wales is to begin a fortnight of programmes looking at the changing nature of childhood through the generations, beginning with What Are We Doing To Our Kids? on Monday 16th March.

As part of the project, the Institute of Welsh Affairs (IWA) surveyed a number of Welsh parents, grandparents and children to find out more about their experiences of growing up.

Highlights of the research included:

• Today’s children are more confident and relaxed about speaking with adults
• Parents are concerned about the safety of their children and on letting them have freedom outside the home
• The media paints an unrealistic, fatalistic picture of the dangers facing children that could mean they fail to develop a realistic view of the risks of everyday life
• Parents are also concerned that their rushed lives means that quality time with their kids is lost
• Parents would not swap their own childhood for one today

It’s not all bad news. IWA director John Osmond noted that, “despite many concerns that were voiced, especially around children’s freedom to play unsupervised, it was striking how optimistic many of the parents we interviewed were about their children’s development.

“They thought that children today had more opportunities to develop themselves and, with their greater confidence, should be able to take advantage of these opportunities in later life.”

More information about the report and the programmes coming up in March are available at the BBC Wales childhood web site. If you live somewhere else in the UK, you can probably catch up with a lot of the programmes on the BBC iPlayer service.

Should you talk to your children about the economy?

One of the big responsibilities of any parent is how much to talk to their children about serious, complicated and potentially worrying issues.

On one hand, most parents want to allow children to maintain some degree of innocence, and to be shielded from the worst the world has to offer.

On the other hand, innocence is so quickly lost these days, and children need to be aware of certain issues so that they can be kept safe.

The current economic climate is causing many families to reassess what they spend their money on and how they live their lives. For many, it may mean a change in lifestyle because the mortgage costs more or the cost of living has increased.

Children aren’t stupid, and they’ll know something’s going on. How much should you tell them about the credit crunch and all that jazz?

Honesty, simplicity, and relevance is the best policy.

It may be that a child asks you what “the credit crunch” is. It may be that you don’t fully understand the intricacies of the global problem yourself (I certainly don’t) but by simplifying the situation and making it relevant to your family, it’s more likely to mean something to your child.

It’s probably best not to force the issue. If your child is showing no interest in the subject at all, it’s not worth making a big issue out of it – that could backfire and cause the child to become anxious about the situation.

It will depend on the age of the child as to if, when and how you tell them. Very young children are ultimately looking to you for their security, and no doubt you’re doing your very best to see that their needs are met. Why confuse them?

On the other hand, older children and teenagers may be much more inquisitive, possibly asking more demanding questions.

You might also find yourself being asked why you can’t afford those new trainers, mobile phone or games console. This is a good time to explain that, as a family, you have to look after your money and spend it more wisely.

Don’t make them feel guilty for wanting new things. Instead, suggest that, at least for the next few months, you’ll all have to find other less expensive ways of having fun and entertaining yourselves.

Your kids might get upset or stroppy, but often they do appreciate being included in things that affect the family. You could even begin introducing them to budgeting – though you’ll probably want to make sure you’re doing this yourself, first – as this will stand them in good stead for adulthood.

Every family is different, and you know your children the best, but these are some guidelines that you might want to adapt so that your family continues to feel secure and informed even in these more difficult times.

• What do you think?
• Have you talked to your kids about money and the current economic situation?
• How did they react?
• What advice would you give to other parents?

Guy Ritchie hits at out Madonna’s half-naked photo shoot

Ritchie is worried that Madonna’s latest pictures may embarrass their children.

Guy Ritchie is reported to have told Madonna that he thinks her recent intimate photo shoot will embarrass their three kids.

The 50-year-old singer has been shown posing with model Jesus Luz. Ritchie is said to be “shocked”, saying that their kids could get a hard time at school.

According to a source close to the separated couple “Madonna had a total meltdown about it, not only because she’s strict on what kind of media and external influences the children should be exposed to but because she hates Guy commenting on what she does as an artist.”

Interestingly, though, Ritchie is also concerned that the children aren’t better prepared for the real world because of Madonna’s strict rules that don’t allow them to watch TV.

Ritchie doesn’t want Lourdes, Rocco and David to grow up in a “bubble”, according to the source. Letting them watch TV would then allow Ritchie to discuss and help them understand what they see.

What do you think? Is Ritchie right to be upset?

(Via ABS CBN)

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