Ingredients for good marriages

Marsha Goldstein has written an article about the ingredients that go together to form a good marriage; communication, honesty and trust. She writes:

Unfortunately, some people have unrealistic ideas of what marriage is. Marriage is good times, bad times, horrific times, times of joy and happiness, times of tears, and anything else that can be thrown into the pot. In other words, marriage is life shared with another person. As life doesn’t give anyone any promises, neither does marriage. Marriage needs to be worked on every day.

Marsha uses the analogy of a business meeting, with an agenda, so that both partners in a marriage know what issues need to be discussed: finances, in-laws, children… However, it doesn’t have to be so formal, just so long issues are spoken and worked through early on so resentment or distrust don’t take root.

The issue of children of all ages is covered; an important subject for those entering second marriages:

Fine-tuning to a new family may take from three to five years. Within that time problems will arise including scheduling visits to the other parent or parents, getting along with stepchildren, sharing time with all the children involved and, most importantly, having couple time.

Children, on the whole, don’t mind their parents dating or having a special person in their life. However, when the person fills the roll of mother or father trouble may soon follow.

Children, even adult children, have a fantasy of their parents getting back together after a divorce. They want the unit reunited hoping that the issues of the past can be forgotten and the family composition once again whole and without problems.

Read the full article: Life Matters: Ingredients for a good first, second marriage