“Family values crowd get poked in the eye”

Dave has some interesting reflections on a recent report that states that the majority of US households now exist in a non-married state - in other words more people are choosing to remain single or live unmarried with their partners.

In his article entitled “The Family Values Crowd Get Poked In The Eye”, he takes quite a swipe at those in the ‘religious right’ and their friends in government who would seemingly place all the ills of the country on the breakdown of family values.

The truth is, formalizing a couples relationship with marriage vows has become unattractive to many people. To many it carries with it the underlying theme that what may be an equal partnership will turn into a “traditional” marriage. A good number of people, particularly women, view that as a regressive step.

Many western industrialized countries have experienced a decline in the number of formalized marriages. This has been translated, particularly by the literalist bible interpreting Christian community, as some form of moral decay and a disintegration of the traditional family.

He argues that unmarried couples often work harder and have more successful relationships that married couples due to a greater need for negotiation and compromise. “There is no imperative compelling survival of the relationship on artificial religious grounds or some divine grace ratified by a priest, pastor or other human.”

Indeed he finishes by saying that the only reason he and his partner chose to marry was for practical reasons due to some arcane financial law - it just made sense - but they did it on the proviso that nothing in the relationships changed.

It’s an interesting read. Personally I do place an importance on marriage and family values, but hopefully not in a way that alienates those that choose to live in another way. I have friends who are happy in their singleness, in living together, and in married - and equally I have friends who aren’t so happy in their particular situation.

Marriage and family in themselves do not somehow magically transform society for good, though I do believe there are links. A wider respect and an acknowledgement that the characteristics that make up a successful marriage or family - love, commitment, give and take, compromise, forgiveness, respect, to name but a few - can also help to hold together a successful community or society is more important, however individuals choose to work out their personal relationships.

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