Holidays and Split Up Parents

The holidays are among the most difficult times for parents who are divorced or separated. Each one wants to see the children and spend time with them during the holidays. This isn’t usually much of an issue for those were both sides are responsible for the upkeep of the kids. They can act civilly toward each other for the sake of the kids.

The problem often comes up when one parent gives nothing to help raise the kids and yet expects to be given this very special time with the children. He or she isn’t there through the rough times but suddenly come Christmas and New Year, they appear, like Santa, to try and fulfill your child’s wish. You as the sole provider of the children will be considered the bad guy if you don’t allow them to go.

Read more

Rules When Exchanging Custody of Your Child

Sad though it is, there are many separated and divorced couples all over the world. It is a painful fact that teh estranged partners have to deal with. It is often worse for the children who are left with a situation commonly called a broken home.

It is unfair to the children to be deprived of their mother or father’s presence simply because the parents no longer get along. It actually stresses the children to suddenly find themselves deprived of a loving relationship with whichever parent does not have custody of their lives. This being the case, we as civilized people try to give our children time with their other parent.

Here are some ground rules for parents in this situation to keep conflict to a minimum and keep the peace between all of you.

1. No matter what your differences, treat each other with respect. Talk politely with each other. Avoid swearing, cursing or raising your voice. Your childwill appreciate it and it will be easier on both of you.
2. Make sure the schedule is clear. Give the other parent the benefit of knowing exactly what time the child or children will be picked up and what time they will be returned. This courtesy allows your ex to manage her schedule and your kids to be ready for your arrival.
3. When you pick up your child, stay out of your ex’s home. Pick them up at the door. Don’t strain your ex’s ability to be courteous. Just be glad that he or she is being agreeable.
4. Even if it’s a short visit with your kid, don’t hang out at your ex’s home. Take your kid out to to the park or for a quick meal. No lazing on the couch or rough housing on the floor.
5. Please bring your child back on time. In the opposite situation, you’d be panicking if your child soesn’t arrive when expected.

Most importantly, keep your child’s needs in mind. Your disagreements are between you and should not be made in front of your children. Allow your kids to enjoy having their loved ones near (no matter how your dislike your ex).

Who Takes Care Of The Children?

Once we become parents, providing for our kids needs takes priority over everything in our lives. We work harder because of them. We discover hidden strengths in our efforts to find ways to raise them right.

Sometimes it happens that the demands of work will require you to leave your child in someone else’s care while you attend to making a living. If you will only be gone a few hours hiring a baby sitter is usually the way to go.

Some parents prefer to have family around. There is nothing as reassuring as knowing that your treasures are guarded by family. Your parents or siblings make ideal temporary guardians. The only problem lies in the fact that your parents may not be young enough to handle your kids for long while your siblings may be busy with their own kids or work load.

The dilemma for single parents increases if there is a need to be away for a few days. Most families will willingly take in their kin but what if your family isn’t around? If it isn’t possible to bring the kids, do you cancel your trip?

It can be even more confusing for families that are non-traditional. A committed pair with children from previous relationships can have the loving interference of family to figure in as well. Take for example if the mom has to go on a trip. Her life partner may be perfectly willing to take care of all the children but her parents may prefer to have their grandchildren with them instead of in his care. Leaving the kids in your LP’s care is a sign of trust that your parents may take against you. Moving the kids to your parents on the other hand may strain the relationship between you and your LP.

The ideal solution would be to leave the children in your life partner’s care and allow your parents and other family members to keep any eye and ear open for any assistance they might require while you’re gone. It truly comes down to how strong the relationship between the various family elements is. Each one has to be able to trust that the others will indeed take care of the children.

Grandparents Are For Spoiling

Since my parents live near enough, we try to make time for the kids to go over and hang out with them every week. I have very fond memories of my grandfather and I hope that my kids will get to have a relationship as special as mine had with me.

It often happens when we go to visit that my kids will try to sweet talk their way into something they want, whether its a trip to their favorite restaurant or just a bag of junk food. I wait for my mom or dad to scold but not a word do I hear. I was waiting for them to at least gently reprimand the kids for shameless wheedling but if anything, my parents give in and go beyond.

I sat down with my mom and dad and talked with them about it. How can I tell my kids to behave if they will turn around and say it is okay. My mom points out, parents you are the disciplinarians. We the grandparents are the indulgers. Different roles to play in the lives of our loved ones.

We did come to a clear agreement though of where the limit of the treats lies and that is definitely a necessity or the kids would be spoiled rotten.

I have to admit though that it is wonderful that they care to be so generous. Not all grandparents are.

Not At The Dining Table!

For most families, the only time they really get to spend time together in a day is during the evening meal. Breakfast is usually a hurried affair as everyone rushes of to school or work. Nobody is home for lunch but mom and the baby. Basically, the house stands vacant until afternoon.

By the tie everyone comes home, they have had a full day. Everyone is tired. Some may be excited. There are disagreements. If you have a teenager in the house, there is probably loud music banging away somewhere overhead. The kids are noisy and all trying to get your attention.

Usually, the time to catch up on what’s been happening with each other is over dinner. Unfortunately this also opens the door for some arguments as each child tries to speak first or disagrees with what another is saying. There is the factor of you are training them in proper table manners. Oh, and don’t forget the tension of adults - you may be in the middle of a disagreement about something.

Make it a family agreement to keep dinnertime a peaceful time. Arguments and disagreements make for bad digestion. Leave them outside the dining room. You can always take them up again after the dishes are cleaned, right? Often, it will fade by the time dinner is done. You’ll also find that you’ll also be better able to handle any problems when you are full rather than when you’re hungry.

Try it for yourself. You may be amazed at how much it can improve your family relationships.

Kids and the Internet

Everyday we thank goodness for the internet. It has made searching for information a lot faster. It is also great to be able to easily keep in touch with family and friends who have moved away. It is a blessing to be able to order things online when the day is just so busy there is no time to go out.

However, it does scare me as a parent. My children have begun asking to access the websites of certain shows. Though their chosen sites seem perfectly ok, when we went to see the site, there was an age restriction on it. Typical child, the more my daughter was told she couldn’t access the site, the more she wanted to go to it.

So how to deal with it:

• Install parental control software like net nanny to help keep access to porn sites down to zero.
• Monitor your kids internet time just as you would if they were at play outside
• Get to know their online friends just as you would their actual friends
• Teach them that it is a very bad idea to disclose personal information online
• Don’t stop being vigilant just because your kid turns 15. Be aware that 72% of missing children are around the ages 15 and older.
• Keep abreast of technology. The kids may absorb it faster but that is no reason for us to be lazy and stop learning. Your kid may be less likely to get into internet trouble if they know that you are also tech savvy and are taking all the necessary precautions to keep them safe.

There’s Nothing Like Siblings

Having siblings can be both delightful and a pain in the rear end. When we’re kids, the older ones tend to bully or boss, while the younger ones tend to take over everything they can using their being the youngest as reason to get away with bloody murder…or so it seems.

It can be annoying if you’re close in age. You not only have to deal with them at home, you have to deal with them in school. You often get compared to each other and the expectations are either high or low depending on the performance of your older kin.

It can also be a great thing. You have readily available playmates. You have instant protectors should the need arise and you never really go to a party alone because your sibs will make sure that you either get to tag along or have a date or something; sometimes whether you want to or not.

They can also be your best friends. Nobody will truly understand you the way your siblings do. When the chips are down, you can normally expect that one of them will be on the phone, or on the way to where you are to help you get back on your feet. Yes, they may lecture and scold but that comes with wanting the best for you.

Often we desperately look for friendship and acceptance in classmates and officemates. We try to become part of the cool crowd and belong to the most popular or active groups. What we often fail to realize is that the group that accepts us as we are is already there. We belonged the day we were born and nothing takes away the membership to this club.

So take a day off. Get to know your siblings. It actually gets easier as you grow older if you’ll just give each other a chance.

Mommy, Can I Help?

We were all so excited. We had a costume party coming up and everyone was talking about what we would wear and any necessary props. Since our group also had a booth at the event, the agenda for the night also included preparing the backdrop for our area.

As soon as my daughter saw the brushes she was excited as well. She has a love for art and was eager to help. Unfortunately, her aunt who was in charge of the set didn’t want her to take part because they feared that she might be more a hindrance than a help.

I saw my daughter watching forlornly from the side. She really wanted to be part of what was going on. She knew she could help, but no one would let her.

I bet this is true of all children. They want to be part, they are capable of accomplishing the task (with a little guidance) but very few adults will let them help. They feel left out and sad.

I am thankful that we finally managed to find her something to do. It gave her a sense of importance to be able to help.  We assigned her a task that she could do by herself, without our supervision and she did it well. She glowed at the praise she got.

What about your kids? Have you been ignoring their need to be part of your activities? Find a way to let them be part. It will bring you closer together and create memories that they will treasure. Who knows? They may just amaze you with their skills.

Kids, Toys and Games

My friends and I were talking about what would make great gifts for kids. There were suggestions of play houses, slides and toy robots. Building blocks and balls were also recommended along with cars, trucks and various vehicles of all shapes and sizes. Some were truly expensive toys that I would love to have myself.

You could tell who of us actually grew up with kids around or were already parents because of the kind of gifts we suggested. Experience has shown me that sometimes the one we think they will love the least is what they like the most.

Take for example the slide. I managed to save up for one and gave it to my kids a couple of years ago for christmas. They loved the size of the gift and were excitedly tearing the wrapper. As soon as we had it out of the box, you know what they did? They ignored the slide and played house with the box it came in!

Kids have simple tastes when they are young. We are the ones who teach them to have a desire for the toys that flash and whirl and go bang. There are many simple toys that are fun and educational and absolutely perfect for them.

Among toys that my kids loved as babies are soft blocks, assorted buckets, swim balls, a basketball set (the kind that was adjustable) and for my girl - a rag doll.
Now, they play with many kinds of toys but we have added game boards that we can play as a family. We play Uno, Scrabble, Cranium, Sorry and Monopoly together. Of course, living with computers, we each have a neopet which helps teach the kids responsibility as well.

Toys are meant to be fun as well as educational. There are many toys to choose from. Keep in mind that the kinds of toys they play with help shape their character and their safety is always of paramount importance.

Living with Epilepsy

When our child is sick, we get frantic. No matter if it is just a cough or cold or a fever, we find ourselves constantly checking to see if our kid is okay. I know I was one kid who loved sick days because it meant more time with my mom. I carry with me a lot of loving memories of my mom and her chicken shell sopas - that’s a family recipe for chicken soup.

I remember the look in my mom and dad’s eyes when my sister had to be rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night. She was having convulsions and none of us knew what to do. All we could do was pray and trust that the doctors would be able to treat her quickly.

Now that I am a parent myself, I have felt that heart clutching moment when you know something is wrong with your child and you are helpless. It all comes down to acting quickly to get proper medical attention, trusting your doctors and a whole lot of prayer.

My heart goes out to those parents who have a child with a long term sickness. The daughter of my friend has been admitted to the hospital. After more than a week, her daughter will be coming home tomorrow. The epilepsy though is still there though quieted for the moment.

The National Society of Epilepsy defines epilepsy as the tendency to have repeated seizures that begin in the brain. Anyone can develop, at any age. It is not limited to any sex, gender or age and zeizures happen for various reasons.
There isn’t much that can be done about epilepsy. There is no cure at this time. All that can be done is to make sure that your child is taking the proper medicines and has a first class doctor.

What do you do if your child or a member of your family is having a seizure:

• clear the area of anything that can harm him or her, such as possible falling objects or sharp items.
• Call for medical assistance immediately.

If your loved one has epilepsy, thay can live a normal full life. It is best though to make sure that they have a medical alert bracelt or necklace that lists the diagnosis they were given, medication, doctor and an emergency number to call. This will allow the team to give your child exactly what he needs more quickly and that can make all the difference.

Manners, Manners, Manners

We hear it all the time as we grow up. “Say the magic word”, “Don’t forget to say please and thank you”, “let the ladies go first”. From the way we walk, stand, sit, eat, talk, and just about everything else, our parents insisted we learn manners. The phrase my sisters and I heard most growing up from my mom was, “ladies, poise!”

Manners are a sign of good breeding. They are what marks us as individuals of class. Good manners never go out of fashion and it is to the benefit of every individual to have them.

So I try to raise my kids as well as my mom taught me. They get lessons on table manners as we eat together and we all get lessons constantly (myself included) on courtesy and respect. And yes, someday soon I will tell my daughters, “ladies, poise please.”

Money, Anger and Your Child

Whether you’re a single parent or a loving pair, everyone has some sort of financial problems. It can be really tough to make ends meet, especially when you’re not just feeding yourself. Sometimes it can feel like you hang on with the tip of your fingernails and just pray that you make it til the next paycheck comes in.

So here you are carefully watching your budget, trying to make sure that you have enough to buy all your basic needs then your son or daughter loses the brand new shirt you just bought for his or her use. It seems like partial amnesia has set in and they can’t even retrace their steps so that you could try to look for it.

Anger takes over most people at this point. Before you lose your temper, please take deep breaths. Breath until you can speak calmly. Yes, it is annoying and drives you crazy that they can’t seem to grasp the value of money but here’s the thing. They will not be able to understand you if you talk with them while you’re angry.

Children can tune into your emotions very easily. The more they love you, the quicker they do it. When you rage they rarely listen. They just get overcome by fear.

For some parents, it won’t be easy to wait and keep your voice low and even. You’ll be amazed to find that the effect on your child lasts their lifetime. If you yell everytime they make mistakes, they learn to hide and never come to you when they need help for fear of judgement, both as children and as adults. On the other hand, if you treat them with respect and try to explain to them the root of your concern, you may be surprised at how deep your relationship will grow.

Take the opportunity to teach your kids the value of money right then and there. Don’t let the anger overwhelm you. Let your child know that you value them more than the money.

Next Page »