Father figures wanted…

I am delighted to welcome our latest guest, Mendy, who blogs at The Grafted Tree about her experiences as a single mum bringing up her sister’s kids. Definitely worth a read, as is her first article for us on an important subject…

One of the most sensitive areas of reality for me and my kids (as with many) is the absence of a father figure in our already grafted family. I’m a pretty independent woman, but by no means a raging feminist (no offence) who can’t accept help or who doesn’t want what I call the traditional family structure, which includes 2 parents. I am determined however not to settle, whatever that means.

I have been single for a long time now, and raising two kids who didn’t come out of my own body may be a turn off for some who otherwise might be a good fit for me. Although my stalwart position on this is that I will not marry, or let anyone into my life who does not think…”these kids of hers are the greatest living beings on earth, who make my heart race with joy and excitement every single time I see them”. That criterion is mandatory, even though I know that this person may never love my kids as much as I do. Who really could, but it better be pretty damn close.

I have been on a few dates since becoming the full time mom of my kids, and it is a laborious process, especially when I have made the vow to not introduce my kids to every Sam, Dick, or Harry who may ask me out, or in whom I might see potential. They have already been through enough hell with their biological parents who, to say it in the kindest of words, did not think about their needs or wants at all.

I’ve known moms who have said no to potentially wonderful life-long relationships because of one red flag with their kids. I’ve also seen mothers who have said yes so many times that their kids still have no clue what a real father figure is to a family, and are pushed to the outer margins of importance when it comes to the mothers needs.

There is not much middle ground here folks. So I am anxious to hear your thoughts and beliefs on this critical family issue.

Female age affects fertility, but doesn’t rule out pregnancy

Age and fertility

In the last couple of days, two news stories have appeared that, at first glance, might seem to contradict one another.

One warns women of age 35 and over not to stop taking contraception, with the Family Planning Association launching its “Conceivable?” campaign that reminds women to remain vigilant.

The other cites fertility doctors who suggest that age is still the most critical factor in whether couples can conceive, despite the wealth of new reproductive techniques emerging each year.

Contraception until menopause

The abortion rate for women aged 40-44 is now the same as for under-16s — four per 1,000 women — in England and Wales.

This suggests there is a real issue with women who believe that, past 35, they have next to no chance of becoming pregnant.

There are many reasons why some women opt for an abortion – including birth abnormalities in the baby, which are more common when the mothers are older.

But FPA says its anecdotal evidence suggests some of the abortions are because women wrongly assumed they could not get pregnant because they were too old.

The FPA’s chief executive, Julie Bentley, said, “Whilst the message about fertility declining with age is an important one, it is often overplayed, alongside disproportionate messaging about unplanned teenage pregnancies.

“It sends an inaccurate message to women and society that only the young fall pregnant and is leading older women to believe their fertility has gone long before it actually has.”

The advice for older women who don’t wish to fall pregnant is simple: continue taking contraception until after the menopause.

Fertility anxiety

Fertility doctors suggest that there are no more people needing fertility treatment than a decade ago.

What’s changed is the anxiety levels surrounding having a family.

Fertility clinics are full of patients who have delayed starting a family and believe that assisted reproductive treatments such as IVF offer them a guaranteed insurance policy of becoming parents.

Unfortunately, these expectations may not be realised, and a quick glance at the latest HFEA national data in the UK shows that only 24% of all IVF cycles resulted in a birth. This drops to 12% for women aged 40-42, and a heart breaking 3% for women age 43-44.

These cold statistics hide an emotional rollercoaster of stress, anxiety and often enormous financial strain.

They do, however, very effectively demonstrate the huge impact of female age on the chance of conceiving.

Unfair?

It does seem unfair, and you can bet there are plenty of women experiencing the “wrong” thing.

There will be those who fall pregnant unexpectedly who are aghast at the prospect, while others desperate for a family watch the years tick by without children coming.

It proves that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to fertility.

Fertility treatments aren’t guaranteed, and while age plays a factor it’s not conclusive.

Via and Via

The secret life of sperm: may aid contraception and male fertility

Swimming Sperm

Scientists have discovered something about sperm that makes perfect sense: they don’t start swimming until they are closer to the egg.

Because sperm only have limited resources, they need to maximise their chances of fertilising the egg.

Internal pH

University of California researchers have found that sperm increases its internal pH — its acidity or alkalinity — due to pores on its surface that allow it to jettison protons.

Dr Yuriy Kirichok, who led the research, said: “The concentration of protons inside the sperm cell is 1,000 times higher than outside.

“If you just open a pore, protons will go outside – we identify the molecule that lets them out.”

A substance called anandamide, present in the female reproductive tract and in particularly high levels near the egg, seems to be the trigger for this release, which in turn allows the sperm’s tail to begin moving, and the vigorous swimming to begin.

Cannabis

This may also explain why men who regularly use cannabis/marijuana experience greater levels of infertility.

Contraception and Fertility

It seems fair that, as scientists learn more about sperm, it could aid in two ways.

Firstly, it could be used to create effective male contraceptives.

Secondly, it could be another explanation for male infertility. Sperm’s motility is already measured. Research such as this could help to improve motility, or to ensure that sperm doesn’t use up its resources too early.

Dr Allan Pacey, senior lecturer in andrology at the University of Sheffield, said: “Although it seems obvious that sperm have to swim in order to find and fertilise an egg inside the female body, or in the dish during IVF, we are only just uncovering some of the molecular details that the sperm use when swimming”

Via

Improved marriage counselling can cut divorce rate

That headline sounds almost obvious, right?

We know that you can prove most things with statistics, but having said that, some interesting new figures have come from the UK’s Office of National Statistics…

The number of divorces in England and Wales decreased 5% in 2008 compared to the previous year, while in Scotland it was a 10% drop, and 4.8% in Northern Ireland.

Though the figures can’t paint the whole picture, experts believe that better counselling may have improved the figures.

It’s worth bearing in mind that these statistics don’t include couples that are living together unmarried, and there could be a range of other factors involved. However, it would be good to think that struggling couples are seeking advice and help, and that in an increased number of cases it’s working.

What we don’t know is how the economic crisis will affect rates in subsequent years. There have also been suggestions of a two per cent rise in the UK divorce rate this year.

Business leaders shun fathers’ rights to longer paternity leave

In statements which only seek to reinforce the ridiculous lack of work-life balance prevalent in British society, and that continues to erode the rights of fathers, top business leaders have described new paternity leave proposals as “madness”.

Citing yawn-inducing reasons such as “Britain is only just crawling out of recession”, bigwigs such as David Frost, director general of the British Chambers of Commerce venomously laid into the government proposals.

These leaders are completely fixated on profit and business growth, making no mention of the rights of fathers or the importance of families growing strongly.

Perhaps Mr Frost doesn’t have a family, or was an absent father?

Granted, giving new fathers extra paternity leave doesn’t in itself make for stronger families, and it isn’t a complete answer to allowing a family unit to bond with its new member, but it certainly shouldn’t be sniffed at.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s another snub to the role of the father.

Is it any wonder that we are an increasingly fatherless society? I think not. Yet the role of a good father is vital to the successful upbringing of children.

I’m not suggesting that other family units can’t or don’t work, but when a family unit has stayed together, for heaven’s sake allow it to grow.

It’s clear from a recent survey that many fathers are pressurised into not taking even the pittance of leave they’re entitled to now.

Yes, more regulation could add to the burden on companies, but we need to balance the needs of society with the need to grow strong businesses.