Calls to end maternity and paternity division, as Labour propose sharing

Mother to Father

The UK government has announced proposals to allow mothers to transfer the second half of their annual maternity leave entitlement to the father, should they so which.

It would mean that the dad could take six months off work, being paid the £123.06 per week entitlement for three of those months.

Labour pledge

Labour’s Minister for Women and Equality, Harriet Harman, suggested that it gave families “radically more choice and flexibility in how they balance work and care of children, and enables fathers to play a bigger part in bringing up their children”, but the Conservatives said that it lagged behind their own proposals.

The Tories have said that they would double the amount of paid paternity leave and let parents take leave simultaneously.

Scrap Maternity and Paternity leave

While Working Families has already called for greater awareness of paternity leave, the Families Need Fathers campaign group has called for an ultimate end to paternity and maternity leave discrimination.

“This should be replaced with an allocation of parental leave to be divided between parents as they see fit, allowing them to choose how they work and parent,” they said.

What do you think of these proposals?

Paternity leave campaign launched by British charity

Fathers denied paternity leave

A recent online survey found that many fathers-to-be aren’t taking full advantage of paternity leave, with 40% of men not taking it at all.

Three out of four of those men said that they couldn’t afford to take the leave, while 14% said they didn’t have enough length of service with their employer, and 13% were self-employed and so weren’t entitled to official leave.

It also found that, because the statutory payout was so low, many men chose to take a portion of their holiday entitlement instead.

Employers to blame?

Others spoke of possible bullying tactics by employers.

“My husband’s company made it difficult for him to take the time off – he’s a manager and even though he was entitled to it, it’s a case of if he did take two weeks off, someone else would have basically replaced him,” said one respondent.

Working Families Chief Executive, Sarah Jackson, said that many companies weren’t aware of the rules and were denying paternity leave even to those who were entitled to it.

“Take Up Top Up” Campaign

“We’re launching the campaign to raise awareness about fathers’ rights. But we also need adequate levels of pay if fathers are to be encouraged to take leave. That’s where employers can come in,” she said.

“Many good employers offer contractual pay on top of statutory maternity pay. We want many more employers to “top up” statutory paternity pay to full pay for the two weeks. Time with a new baby is a great gift to a new family and employers will reap the benefit of motivated employees.”

With the UK slowly struggling out of recession, now is not the time many employers want to hear about offering additional pay for fathers, but when so many companies pay at least lip-service to “work life balance”, offering new fathers an opportunity to build a bond with their newborn child is one of the greatest things a company can do.

Paternity rights: the facts

• Statutory Paternity Pay is currently £123.06 a week.
• Notice period – an employee should inform his employer of his intention to take paternity leave by the 15th week before the baby is due.
• Eligibility – an employee must have worked continuously for an employer for 26 weeks by the end of the 15th week before the baby is due to be eligible for statutory paternity leave and must also meet an earnings requirement to be eligible for statutory paternity pay.
• Advice on paternity rights is available via www.workingfamilies.org.uk or by calling the Working Families helpline on 0800 013 0313.

Are you a dad who has taken, or been denied, paternity leave? Share your experience in the comments below.

English schools’ revised sex education curriculum to focus on family

The Evolution of Sex Education

I’m no expert on how sex and relationships education in schools has changed over the years, but stereotypically things have become more liberal of late, with a focus much more on the process and physical repercussions of sex than on moral and societal issues surrounding the subject.

I can’t say that this is absolutely true, because schools can teach things in different ways, with more or less emphasis placed on issues beyond “how sex works”.

However, thanks in part to the way society has changed, particularly over the last decade or so, in its attitudes to sex and its portrayal in the media, the UK government on both sides is now looking at promoting familial and stable relationships.

Yesterday, the standard curriculum for sex education in English schools was updated to place more value on the moral and relational aspects of sex.

Delaying Sex

In an age-appropriate way, children will now be taught that it’s OK to delay having sex, and that they shouldn’t feel pressured by friends or the media into becoming sexually active as the “normal” thing to do.

Stability

Marriage and other stable relationships will be heralded as the “bedrock of family life”, with education on “the challenges and responsibilities of parenthood”.

Bullying and Pressure

Sexually-motivated bullying is sadly becoming more common. Mobile phone technology can be used to send compromising photographs which, apart from being illegal in the eyes of the law, could cause great distress to those victims caught on camera.

Other advice will warn about overtly sexualised imagery now prevalent in most types of media, including television, magazines, advertising and the Internet.

Comment

Children’s Secretary Ed Balls said, “Young people today grow up in a very different world to the one their parents knew as children.

“New technologies and a 24-hour media mean that young people are increasingly exposed to images and content that can make them feel pressure to be sexually active before they are ready and can give them misleading information about relationships and growing up.

“We also want young people to understand the importance of marriage and other stable relationships – these are the bedrock of family life, the best way to bring up children and the kind of relationships we want young people to develop as they get older.”

What do you think of the changes?

Photo credit: Made Underground

Via

Study: Infertility negatively affects self-esteem

With results that probably won’t surprise any couple experiencing fertility issues, a new study suggests that infertility seriously affects positive self-esteem.

“Flawed”

In a national survey carried out in the United States, seven out of ten women said that infertility made them feel flawed, while half of all men said they felt inadequate.

Sharing

Six out of ten couples said that they try to hide their fertility troubles from family and friends, while a third admitted their ability to confide in others has decreased since they began trying to get pregnant.

Over half said that it was easier to tell people that they weren’t planning to have children rather than to share the struggles they faced.

Disbelief and Delay

Disbelief is also a common issue, for despite one in eight couples of childbearing age do struggle with fertility problems, two-thirds of those surveyed said that they never thought they’d have difficulty in conceiving.

Over half of the couples said they wish they had started trying sooner, with a staggering nine out of ten respondents already seeking fertility treatment saying this.

Advice

Relationships with family and friends can also suffer, with six out of ten couples admitting to becoming tired of people asking them how the process is going or offering suggestions on how to conceive.

Unsolicited advice — such as being told to “relax”, get more exercise, sleep or a different diet — aggravated many couples.

Intimacy & Sex

Infertility issues seemed to affect intimacy in different ways, though more couples (58%) said it had brought them closer together than hurt (36%). Having said that, men suggested time arguing had increased, while both sexes said stress and tension had increased.

Added to this, 55% said that fertility issues had made sex a physically and emotionally anxious time, while a similar number (53%) said fun and spontaneity had gone, and four out of ten said they felt sexually unattractive.

The survey interviewed 585 people in relationships where conception had been an issue for two or more years. Full results are available at the Plan For Some Day web site.

I can certainly vouch for a lot of the results in this survey. What has been your experience?

Photo by mrhayata

Mancunian men spend most time on phone to mum

With Mothers’ Day fast approaching, a mobile phone comparison web site decided to carry out some research to see how often men ‘phoned their mums.

The results: Six out of every ten hours spent on the telephone by men from Manchester were to their mothers.

The top ten cities are:

1. Manchester, 58% of all time spent on phone is calls to mum
2. Leeds, 54%
3. Newcastle Upon Tyne, 52%
4. Portsmouth, 51%
5. Birmingham, 46%
6. Liverpool, 46%
7. Swindon, 42%
8. Grimsby, 41%
9. Aberdeen, 39%
10. Bradford, 38%

While the bottom five are:

1. Glasgow, 4%
2. Luton, 5%
3. Coventry, 5%
4. Oxford, 6%
5. Cardiff, 7%

Of course the results aren’t conclusive. Maybe men in the lower-ranked cities spend a lot more time on their phones overall, thus reducing the proportion of time spent talking to any one person (including their mum).

Perhaps some men spend more time in face-to-face communication with their family.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that this is a subjective result, with the men who took part in the study being asked to calculate the average time spent on the phone to their mum as a proportion of the entire time spent using their phone over a one month period.

Managing Director of rightmobilephone.co.uk, Neil McHugh said, “As someone based in the South I was amazed at the results but maybe it could be because us southerners spend more time face to face with our mums than on the phone to them.”

Photo by DavidDennisPhotos.com

Mummy Coach: 10 essential skills to becoming a great mum

Do you feel guilty about trying to juggle work and a family? Or find yourself shouting at your children more than you want to? Well you are far from alone…

• 9/10 Mums say they find combining work and family ‘very stressful’
• 9/10 Mums say they shout at their children more than they want to
• 9/10 Mums say they would describe themselves as ‘frantic’ and not being the mum they want to be
• 8/10 Mums say they ‘often’ feel ‘guilty’
• 10/10 Mums say they want to feel calmer

(PCA SURVEY RESULTS 2009 based on 300 mums)

Children don’t come with a set of instructions and being a mum, although rewarding, can be an unpredictable and challenging adventure, so to help guide you though the uncharted waters of parenthood is an invaluable new book: Mummy Coach – a practical and empowering guide that will help you to become the mum you truly want to be.

Written by one of the UK’s leading parenting experts, Lorraine Thomas, Mummy Coach focuses on the top 10 essential parenting skills and provides a practical and positive programme to develop parental expertise via three simple step skill builder strategies. From learning how to turn family life from frantic to fun to how to be great at discipline, by taking a just a few minutes each day on the exercises you can take your parenting skills to another level and see results from day one.

“As Chief Executive of The Parent Coaching Academy, I’ve worked with hundreds of mums who all know that being a parent is the most important job they’ll ever do and are passionate about getting it right,” said Lorraine. “But it’s tough, especially if you’re combining family with a demanding career.  As a working Mum myself, I know just how challenging and stressful it can be. There’s always too much to do … and never enough Mum to go round.”

What do men want for Valentine’s Day?

If you’re a woman stuck for an idea as to what your man might want for Valentine’s Day, take some tips from UK relationship expert Martin Riley, who offers up the following advice with the three “Ts” — Tease, Tantalise, Treat

• “Valentine’s Day has somehow become seen as a day when a man has to make a big romantic gesture to this wife or girlfriend. Try turning the tables. Send him flowers, take him out for dinner, or buy him something that fulfils your fantasies (be warned though, it’ll need to be something that makes him feel sexy, not stupid. He may never talk to you again if you buy him a mankini). Most men will be delighted by you taking the lead and making him feel appreciated and desired.”
• “When was the last time you asked your partner what he wanted from your relationship? A lot of men struggle to articulate what they want and need from a relationship so will try to let their presents do the talking. Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to actually ask him what he wants, both from you and from your life together. Pillow talk is a great opportunity to get him to open up!”
• “Don’t rely on ‘bought experiences’ like meals out or presents to make this Valentine’s Day the romantic day of your dreams. A home cooked meal can be far more romantic than a restaurant full of other couples trying to be romantic. How about a meal in bed together? Or a meal he can lick off those usually hard to reach places? Use your imagination to have the Valentine’s Day that suits the two of you, not what the shops tell you should be having.”
• “If your man isn’t that interested in sex (and a surprising number of men aren’t as obsessed as you might think) then the key would be to think about what he loves doing that you could surprise him with. Is there anything he loves to do that you’re normally reluctant to do with him? He’ll be thrilled if you suggest or organise it so perhaps go to a football match together, see a band or go for a romantic walk around his favourite places.”

How to Grow Great Kids: the instruction manual for parents?

I’ve just been told about a new book (released last November) by Allison Lee.

How To Grow Great Kids: The Good Parents Guide to Rearing Sociable, Confident and Healthy Children might be thought of as the missing instruction manual for parents seeking to raise their kids the best way possible.

With over fifteen years of experience working with kids, Allison has a great deal of knowledge to share. She comments, “There is not and never will be a quick and easy way to getting your kids to eat a healthy diet and stay active. However, what I would say is that children copy their parents` attitudes to life and therefore the onus is on us to help our children to lead a fit, active and healthy lifestyle.”

The book is split into two sections. Part One will help you to:

• Encourage your child’s social and self-help skills
• Manage your child’s behaviour successfully
• Promote your child’s emotional wellbeing

The second part starts with the stages of development from birth through to adolescence and shows you how to:

• Produce healthy balanced meals
• Minimise the risks of allergies and intolerances
• Avoid unhealthy foods

Full of information to guide you as your baby grows into a young adult, this book provides informal, friendly advice to be read cover to cover, or dipped into for support when needed.

Available for a RRP of £10.99 from all good bookstores including Amazon (click here to buy online)

Kylie Minogue patrons StudyVox Foundation: bursary support for UK undergraduates

Superstar Kylie Minogue has agreed to become patron of the newly formed StudyVox Foundation, a charity launched today to support British undergraduates seeking help with tuition fees.

Kylie, who has spent time at StudyVox’s headquarters, said, “Studyvox is such a fantastic site for students. It helps them to be connected with one another wherever they may be across the country. I would have loved to have access to this kind of thing when I was studying!”

An initial injection of £16,000 comes from StudyVox, with the first £10k award and three £2,000 awards being presented by Kylie this spring.

Joint CEO of StudyVox, Kevin Martin, commented, “Kylie’s support is a fantastic way of raising the StudyVox Foundation’s profile and getting the word out to students across the UK. Her patronage of The Foundation will add tremendously to its ability to make a difference to the lives of young people.”

The StudyVox Foundation’s aims are to:

• Advance education, and relieve poverty by providing or assisting in the provision of financial or other assistance to poor students;
• Relieve persons who are in need – by reason of youth, ill health, disability, financial hardship or other disadvantage; and
• Advance citizenship by assisting, encouraging or facilitating volunteering by young people to take part in projects, purposes or events that are carried out for the public benefit.

Porn star calls parents to protect their kids online

It’s easy for parents to listen to the hype surrounding what’s on the Internet and fall into one of two traps.

Either the Web consists solely of pornography and other nasty stuff that they don’t want their kids to see, or it’s safe enough to let their children roam unmoderated.

Neither situation is true.

In an interesting, and welcome, twist, US adult film star Ron Jeremy has called for parents to install filtering software onto their computers to stop children gaining access to porn.

“Porn is definitely not for kids. Take it from someone who has worked in the industry for years,” he said at this year’s Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas.

Leaving aside for the moment the rights or wrongs of pornography — something that was debated last Friday in the Mommy Tech area of the show — it’s extremely important that parents are vigilant when it comes to what their kids can access online.

This goes far beyond simply installing software, but also means that parents must talk to their kids, rationally and clearly explaining how to stay safe online.

The fact is, most kids these days are more web and tech-savvy than their parents, and many know how to circumvent filtering software. That’s why dialogue is also vitally important.

We’ve covered the issue of Internet safety in the past. Here’s a selection of articles you might find useful:

• Stranger Danger in the 21st Century: Internet dos and don’ts for parents and children
• UK parents worry about but don’t monitor kids’ online activities
• Kids doing stuff online their parents wouldn’t approve of
• Young children using online social networks, three-quarters of parents “spying” on them
• Parents failing to monitor children’s Internet usage
• Unique family-oriented broadband service offers peace of mind to schools and parents
• Computer sellers partner with NSPCC to guide families in safe practices
• “Mum Says No” software allows parental control over children’s online time, reduces confrontation
• Children’s advocacy group launches NetSmartz411 online safety programme for kids

Family Bloggers: Who are you watching in 2010?

Inspired by Darren’s Bloggers to Watch List, I thought I’d ask Family Relationships Magazine readers which family bloggers they’ll be watching this year.

They could be mummy or daddy bloggers, or those blogging about education, childcare, marriage, pregnancy, health, family finances, or anything else of interest to families.

Leave a comment below with either a list of your favourite family/parent bloggers, or a link to your own blog post that lists them.

Over to you.

Top Tips for Birthing Partners

Following our five prenatal yoga positions for labour feature yesterday, here’s a follow-up feature offering some tips for a partner on assisting mum-to-be during labour.

Birthing partners and mums-to-be often explain how they find the idea of both pregnancy and labour an exciting and sometimes daunting experience, whether it’s their first time, or their fourth.

However, global yoga specialist, Jiivana UK has listed its top partner assisted yoga positions to help both partners bond through the pregnancy and prepare for the birth.

Partner Assisted Position 1 – Childs Pose

Assistant draws shoulders back, rotates armpits outwards, presses on sacrum and spreads spine by gently pressing on upper back.

Partner Assisted Position 2 – Swan

Pregnant woman kneels hip width on blanket. Assistant places foot on bolster behind her and then places knee into the mid back, between the shoulder blades. Pregnant woman then raises her arms up to about 45 degrees from her head and the assistant takes hold of her wrists and gently and evenly draws them back to open her chest.

Partner Assisted Position 3 – Sukhasana and Upavista Forward

Sit in crossed legs and lock forearms with your partner. Your partner then leans back being mindful not to curve their lower spine and to drop the shoulders. At the same time the pregnant woman leans forward and gets lengthened along the spine and the underside of the legs. Then change the cross of your legs and repeat.

Bliss from Within has been endorsed as the most comprehensive prenatal Yoga DVD on the market by The National Association of Childbirth Educators as it features two 45-minute yoga programmes, alongside advice on positions and massage for labour, pelvic floor techniques, partner assisted yoga, breathing techniques, home prop for yoga and baby bonding techniques.

The complete package guides pregnant women through a happy and healthy pregnancy, giving them a positive approach to birth.

Zoe Mongey, Managing Director of Jiivana and star of Bliss From Within, said, “Partner assisted yoga is a fabulous way for expecting parents to spend time together considering the journey they are on and the changes they are experiencing. It also has the added bonus of making the mother feel relief from common pregnancy related discomforts whilst making the partner feel involved and helpful.”

Mongey continues, “Within the DVD there is an extremely helpful section on ‘Partner-Assisted Yoga’. This segment coaches both mums-to-be and a partner of their choice through a number of positions that can help during pregnancy. There is also a positions for labour section that provides breathing, massage and support techniques for the birthing partner to use during pregnancy and labour to help assist and relax both mum and baby.

“Understanding and learning these poses will empower pregnant and their birthing partners by giving them the knowledge and understanding of active birth positions.”

For more information on Jiivana please visit www.jiivana.co.uk.

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