Young people still want to live “happily ever after” but lack skills for marriage

If you believe everything the media says, you’d be forgiven for thinking that marriage is on the way out, with commitment a dirty word.

However, research from the Healthy Marriage Resource Centre amongst 18-30 year-olds suggests that four in five do still want to get married and stay married.

At one level that’s encouraging because it means that a large number of people want to commit to a long-term relationship. However, the Centre suggests that there’s often a wide reality gap between the perception of marriage and the reality.

“Once married, conflicts may arise over money, parenting, and other important issues,” said project director Mary Myrick.

“We want to get people talking about the complexity of healthy marriages and provide tools and tips for making relationships work during challenging times,” says Myrick. “We are targeting young adults because they are the group most likely to be considering marriage for the first time and are most likely to access an online resource like TwoOfUs.org.”

Though it’s so easy to get married, it’s most definitely worth investing time in some form of pre-marriage course or counselling.

Though there’s some evidence to suggest that people in a good marriage can have better health, financial stability and life expectancy, no-one wants to be trapped in a bad marriage that was ill-conceived.

Taking time to sit down, ideally with a more experienced couple, and discuss aspirations and expectations, may seem unromantic in the excitement of planning a wedding and new life together, but I believe it’s vital. I certainly value the course I attended with my wife before we married.

Bigoted parents campaign for disabled presenter to be taken off CBeebies

According to a report on independent entertainment web site Digital Spy, parents have started a campaign against a new CBeebies presenter.

She must have done something really terrible to warrant that, eh? Sworn or cursed in a programme, perhaps? Advocated the use of illegal drugs? Attacked and killed someone in the street?

Wrong.

Cerrie Burnell’s “crime” is that she has only one arm.

Yes, the BBC has dared to employ someone with a physical disability to front a programme for young children who (according to one angry father) might “suffer nightmares” because of it.

Right… so it’s OK for four and five year olds to have computers and TVs in their bedrooms (according to recent statistics, a significant proportion do) and thus not be monitored by their parents, and yet it’s somehow not OK for a young child to see someone who may be slightly different to them?

Presumably these parents don’t take their children out to the shops (for fear of meeting someone who might walk, talk or look slightly different from their idealised model of human perfection) or to the local nursery (stop the press: some children have disabilities too!)

One (supposed) parent wrote on the CBeebies message boards: “”Is it just me, or does anyone else think the new woman presenter on CBeebies may scare the kids because of her disability?”

Well, it obviously isn’t just you, but it darn well should be.

Goodness knows what these parents think their kids have to be protected from.

At what age will they deem that it’s acceptable to introduce the subject of disability (and discrimination, for that matter) to their kids?

Perhaps they’ll just let their children grow up until one day their cottonwool-wrapped darlings see someone a bit different in the street and, not having been educated or informed any differently, shout out “Mummy, what’s wrong with that woman?”

If only the child had pointed at their parents and asked the question.

(Via Digital Spy)

Parents: help is at hand from the Digital Nanny!

The Internet isn’t the be-all-and-end-all of information and advice, but it isn’t a bad place to turn.

The Digital Nanny comes from a source that you can most definitely trust to have the best interests of parents and children at heart: the NSPCC.

Though parents can often feel isolated, stressed and without anyone to turn to when bringing up young children, YourFamily.org.uk comes to the rescue with the new Digital Nanny service.

It provides professional advice and support which includes such issues as discipline, communication, tantrums, nutrition and sleep.

Entering the child’s sex and age brings up bespoke information from experts at the NSPCC, including personalised responses.

Of course, it’s not a substitute for getting caring friends and family members around in real life, but sometimes that’s not always possible. At least some fundamentals are covered using this service, and it’s free.

New CD aims to boost confidence and understanding of breastfeeding to UK mums

We’ve already reported on the UK government’s initiative to encourage UK mums to breastfeed their babies, due to the low proportion of UK mums who start or stick with it for the minimum recommended 13 weeks (and ideally six months).

A new resource has come on to the market that might be helpful for some mums. The Breastfeeding Companion CD has been created by Natal Hypnotherapy and includes both practical guidance and relaxation and visualisation techniques to increase confidence and ability to breastfeed successfully.

Positive testimonials suggest that the techniques work. To promote the CD, Natal Hypnotherapy has also published ten top tips for successful breastfeeding:

1. Pick up on and respond to your baby’s cues to feed. Ignore the clock!

2. Accept that your baby’s need to breastfeed may not always be connected to being hungry – it may be for comfort, because they are tired or they simply want to have a snuggle.

3. Feed regularly during the night. Successful feeding is based on a healthy supply and demand cycle. If your baby does not feed for many hours your body does not get all the signals it needs to get ready for the next feed and so production decreases.

4. DO NOT expect your baby to be guzzling milk in the first few days. Babies do not need anything other than a tiny amount of colostrum (first milk) so do not need “topping” up.

5. Give yourself time to get to know your baby and to trust your baby’s needs.

6. Babies have growth spurts – sometimes they need more feeding than other times – that is OK and normal.

7. Trust! Trust your baby – no baby was ever born with a pre-planned desire to upset or annoy. They simply feel what they feel and alert you in the only way they know how. Trust your body – milk production has nothing
to do with the size of your breasts but is all to do with the cycle of suckling and milk production. If your baby suckles often and frequently, you will make the right amount of milk.

8. Look after yourself – drink loads of water and eat really well. It is one of the few times in your life that you can eat loads (of the right stuff!) and know that it is all good for your baby.

9. Enjoy this time – it is for such a short time. Even if you are tired and worn out, think of every feed as a blessing and one to be cherished and enjoyed.

10. Get help and support. Accept any offers from others to help with the daily cooking and chores! If you are having any difficulties or simply want to talk, contact your local breastfeeding advisors from La Leche League or the NCT.

The CD can be picked up from Amazon.co.uk or via NatalHypnotherapy.co.uk.

Couples candlelit takeaway at home over expensive dining out on Valentine’s Day

Couples ditched going out to an expensive restaurant by dining in with a takeaway instead according to research by Just-Eat.co.uk.

One in three couples had a takeaway meal on Saturday night instead of going out.

When asked “Did you go out to a meal last year with your partner for Valentine’s Day?” just a quarter did this year, compared to over half last year.

The Credit Crunch has had a huge impact on the custom – when asked “If you didn’t go out for a meal this year, what is the main reason?” 68% of participants claimed ‘Expense’ was the deciding factor. Other answers included ‘Didn’t want to’ (14%) and ‘Booked too late’ (10%).

Most (over half) had a curry, while around a quarter of couples had Chinese food.

“You can have just as great a time with your partner at home sharing a takeaway meal as you can at restaurants, especially when the purse-strings are tight but you still want a meal cooked for you,” said Just Eat’s CEO, David Buttress.

Tots to Travel child-friendly holiday home website launches in UK

Tots to Travel, the company providing genuinely child-friendly properties in France and Italy, has launched its award-winning formula in the UK. The new website that combines all three countries and a new online travel shop is now live.

Initially concentrated in Anglesey, Cheshire, Yorkshire and Shropshire, Tots to the UK properties offer a mix of good old-fashioned bucket and spade holidays, countryside escapes, eco retreats and farm stays, typically off the beaten track. The company will also be expanding to other parts of the country soon.

The Tots to Travel team personally visit and vet every property with a strong focus on safety features. All properties are fully kitted out with all the baby and child equipment families need, from cots and highchairs, to sterilisers, blenders, toys, potties and more. Babysitting is available at most properties and some also offer pampering treatments, spa facilities and home cooked meals.

“With the current economic climate, many people are looking to cut travel costs by holidaying locally. Most families aren’t willing to sacrifice their annual holiday entirely, but it’s more important than ever that the holiday they pay for is the best it can be,” explains Wendy Shand, founder of Tots to Travel.

“Having spent the last three years building successful operations in France and Italy, we’re now applying the same philosophy to the UK, making holidays with young children easier, so parents get the real break they need.”

An example of the type of property available is Owl Barn in Angelsey, a four bedroomed barn conversion sleeping up to 12 people, featuring slate, oak and stone throughout. It has a great games room, mountain bikes available and is situated just a mile from sandy beaches. Prices start from £695 per week.

The new website TotsToTravel.co.uk also includes an online travel shop for a range of great holiday accessories, swimwear and travel goodies.

Sex on the first date: liberated or easy?

I’m not particularly surprised that, when it comes to attitudes about sex and dating, there’s still quite a gap between the genders.

A new survey by the free online dating site Smooch of its 37,000-strong member base found that, while 65% of men think that a woman who has sex on a first date is liberated, the same proportion of women think it’s unacceptable.

Female respondents were cautious and judgemental with comments such as:

• If he wants to do that with you, he’s probably tried it with
  everyone
• He won’t respect you if you do
• I don’t want to be another notch in the bedpost

Conversely male respondents were eager to see such actions in the best possible light:

• Most of my long term relationships have started with first date sex – the chemistry was irresistible!
• Women who think it’s ‘easy’ are living in the dark ages and
  that’s what I’d find offputting
• If it feels right do it! I wouldn’t date a woman who let
  calculations override her emotions

So, liberated or easy? What do you think?

Do prisoners have a human right to be fathers? I don’t think so

Forgive me if I’m a little cold-hearted towards a convicted murderer who believes it’s his human right to father a child.

Six British prisoners believe that the Human Rights Act grants them the privilege of donating sperm and artificially inseminating partners who they say will be too old to conceive once they are released from their lengthy prison sentences.

Take Kirk Dickson, 34, who is serving a 15-year minimum sentence for kicking a man to death because he wouldn’t give up a packet of cigarettes.

Should this violent man have the right to father a child?

No parent is perfect, granted, but (at the risk of sounding like a Daily Mail journalist) why on earth should we be encouraging violent men to bring new life into the world?

Perhaps Dickson and the other prisoners going to the courts should have thought about their victims’ human rights before crying that their incarceration prevents procreation.

This has been rumbling on for eight years. The then Home Secretary, David Blunkett, blocked the decision, as did The High Court, Court of Appeal and European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg.

Unfortunately. Strasbourg’s final appeal court, the Grand Chamber, then concluded that blocking the request was a denial of the couple’s right to become parents.

There are thousands of law-abiding couples for whom the ability to conceive is a real issue, and yet these miscreants believe they have a right, despite their failure to behave properly in a civilised society, to become parents. It’s sickening, quite frankly, and it no judge should even be entertaining the idea.

What do you think? Am I being too harsh? Does anyone have the right to parenthood regardless of their history?

(Via The Telegraph)

Dating pet owners: don’t neglect the animals

Do you remember that research which suggests having a pet can reduce the chances of finding love by 40%?

Well, assuming you can find someone who’ll put up with your pampered pooch or kitty, there’s some advice on how to handle the pet when you’re embarking on a new relationship.

“In the old days, you had to meet the mother. Now you have to meet the dog and get the dog’s approval,” said Stephanie LaFarge, director of counseling services for the ASPCA and an expert on the human-animal bond.

She suggests that a bad first meeting with the animals can be as bad as getting the first meeting with human relatives wrong.

Both sides in a new human relationship need to make an effort.

The pet owner needs to forewarn their new partner of any foibles the animal might have. Getting a cat’s claws sunk into your lover’s arm because you forgot to mention that puss doesn’t like being picked up is not likely to aid a blossoming relationship.

Similarly, though, it’s worth being prepared if you’re starting to date someone with animals. Even if you think you know animals, every creature is different, just as we humans are.

Stephanie also notes that, as and when a human relationship develops, issues over hygiene and physical intimacy (between pet and humans, that is) are likely to surface. These need to be dealt with as they come up, and in fact can be quite telling about a person’s character overall.

“How a person handles these conflicts can be very revealing, said Joel Gavriele-Gold, a clinical psychologist and author of “When Pets Come Between Partners.” “You learn a lot about the other person and how they deal with relationships,” he said. “Is it based on control or cooperation?”

Got any tips for dating when there are pets involved?

Kym Marsh loses baby Archie, born 18 weeks early

Actress Kym Marsh and partner Jamie Lomas have lost their baby son, named Archie Jay, when he died moments after his 18-week premature birth.

Kym said, “Archie is our beautiful angel and we will miss him so much.”

There’s little more that one can say in a situation like this. The couple must surely be devastated at the loss. Our thoughts and good wishes are with them, as indeed with any parents who have lost a child in these circumstances.

Guy Ritchie hits at out Madonna’s half-naked photo shoot

Ritchie is worried that Madonna’s latest pictures may embarrass their children.

Guy Ritchie is reported to have told Madonna that he thinks her recent intimate photo shoot will embarrass their three kids.

The 50-year-old singer has been shown posing with model Jesus Luz. Ritchie is said to be “shocked”, saying that their kids could get a hard time at school.

According to a source close to the separated couple “Madonna had a total meltdown about it, not only because she’s strict on what kind of media and external influences the children should be exposed to but because she hates Guy commenting on what she does as an artist.”

Interestingly, though, Ritchie is also concerned that the children aren’t better prepared for the real world because of Madonna’s strict rules that don’t allow them to watch TV.

Ritchie doesn’t want Lourdes, Rocco and David to grow up in a “bubble”, according to the source. Letting them watch TV would then allow Ritchie to discuss and help them understand what they see.

What do you think? Is Ritchie right to be upset?

(Via ABS CBN)

Blog Watch: Play money, Valentine’s crafts, learning time, the new word

Welcome to a new feature celebrating the wealth of interesting articles, features, hints and tips in the world of parenting, family and relationships blogs.

We want to highlight the best stuff that’s out there. If you’ve written a brilliant article, or you know someone who has, why not send it in to us by emailing us.

Create your own play money

Parent Hacks has come up with a great way to create new toy money using your own home printer and old gift cards.

The idea is that you simply print out your own money designs, including family photos if you wish, and then tape them to the gift cards. The money is much stronger than the flimsy stuff that often comes with the toy register in the first place, and can even be used as play credit cards.

Last minute Valentine’s crafts

Goodyblog has posted up some last minute crafts for Valentine’s Day on Saturday, so if you’re feeling both arty and romantic and have a bit of time over the next day or so, head over and check it out.

Learning to tell time

Daring Young Mom writes a great piece at the Parenting forums about her daughter Laylee learning to tell the time.

Laylee now follows mum around reporting on the time and making sure everyone knows when she’s running late:

She’s also always ready to call me on my inconsistencies. “But Mom! You said you’d be ready to do story time in five minutes and it’s already been six minutes and you’re still not ready.”

And to this, as I frantically work to get dinner ready, I want to respond, “Yeah? Yeah? Well you didn’t even know that Spider-Man was a good guy until yesterday when I told you that I did not, in fact, buy Magoo Valentine cards covered with pictures of an evil villain mastermind so I don’t think you have any room to criticize. Besides, this food I’m making is for you.”

But that would be immature and very un-mom-like. And by the time I spit it all out, I would probably be at least three minutes late for story time and she’d know it, and then she’d pass that knowledge on to me.

“Yar” should do it

Dad About the Boy tells a delightful story of his son “P” who is very good with the word “Yeah”.

Not only does is signify agreement, but it’s also used repeatedly to beg for food.

Teaching him to say “Ta” when he’s given a piece of food has resulted in his “word economy” kicking in and the generation of a new word: Yar

He says this new word as if he’s an Australian – with a hopeful, pleading rising intonation at the end. So now, stood on the settee, hand on shoulder, he repeats “Yar. Yar. Yar” in your ear until you finally give in and a raisin is deposited into his mouth.

What a clever little boy he is.

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