Having children is ninth most important thing in a marriage, US survey finds

A new poll by the Pew Research Centre suggests that “having children” is the ninth most important thing out of ten markers of what makes a successful marriage.

Above them lie factors such as healthy sexual relationships, faithfulness, sharing of household chores, economic and religious factors, and shared tastes and interests.

Only 41% say that children are “very important” to a successful marriage, compared to 65% in a similar poll conducted in 1990.

Parents say relationships with their kids are still among the most fulfilling aspects of their lives — even more fulfilling than marriage in many cases. But experts say these poll numbers reflect the times, as fewer adults marry and more children are born out of wedlock.

In her column, Bonnie Erbe makes some interesting points about the survey.

Is it good or bad? Potentially, it’s both.

She argues that taking a more analytical approach to relationships is a good thing, but that if it’s as reality that having children together is now totally separate from marriage - which implies that a suitable life partner has been found - then it’s a bad thing.

I have never understood the thinking of women who surmise, “He’s not good enough to marry, but I’ll have kids with him anyway.” Shouldn’t women be just as selective, if not more so, about choosing a father for their children than they are about choosing someone to marry? Marriages can terminate in divorce. But a child’s gene pool is forever. If he’s not smart enough, hard-working enough, dependable enough, etc., to marry, why subject your children to his defective genes? I know others see things differently, but I’ve never understood that.

I can agree with that.

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