Holidays and Split Up Parents

The holidays are among the most difficult times for parents who are divorced or separated. Each one wants to see the children and spend time with them during the holidays. This isn’t usually much of an issue for those were both sides are responsible for the upkeep of the kids. They can act civilly toward each other for the sake of the kids.

The problem often comes up when one parent gives nothing to help raise the kids and yet expects to be given this very special time with the children. He or she isn’t there through the rough times but suddenly come Christmas and New Year, they appear, like Santa, to try and fulfill your child’s wish. You as the sole provider of the children will be considered the bad guy if you don’t allow them to go.

What can you do? No matter how angry you get about the situation, the bottom line is it should be about the happiness of the children. If they are old enough, you may want to ask them what they want to do for the holiday and respect their choice. If their other parent does not tell you of any plans, then it will not matter. If he or she does, present the idea to the children. The important thing is to try and find an amicable compromise so that children can spend time with both of you.

No, it isn’t okay if he or she goes behind your back and tells the kids first but be fair and think about it. If your ex had told you that he’d like to have them for the holidays, would you have let them go? It doesn’t excuse the direspect and you will have to deal with it but do it fairly. It may be the building block of a more civil relationship between you - that is necessary since you have children together.

Don’t be tempted to hide them away. Taking them to another town isn’t the solution. The children may resent you for that. They may not do it now, but they will eventually find out and it will bite you later.

Allow your children to feel loved and wanted by both parents in spite of the fact that you have split up as a couple. It really isn’t easy - especially when you are not even on speaking terms - but it is not about the two of you, it is about the kids. Do it for them. Let them have happy holidays. This might be the best gift you can give them.