“Family values crowd get poked in the eye”

Dave has some interesting reflections on a recent report that states that the majority of US households now exist in a non-married state - in other words more people are choosing to remain single or live unmarried with their partners.

In his article entitled “The Family Values Crowd Get Poked In The Eye”, he takes quite a swipe at those in the ‘religious right’ and their friends in government who would seemingly place all the ills of the country on the breakdown of family values.

The truth is, formalizing a couples relationship with marriage vows has become unattractive to many people. To many it carries with it the underlying theme that what may be an equal partnership will turn into a “traditional” marriage. A good number of people, particularly women, view that as a regressive step.

Many western industrialized countries have experienced a decline in the number of formalized marriages. This has been translated, particularly by the literalist bible interpreting Christian community, as some form of moral decay and a disintegration of the traditional family.

He argues that unmarried couples often work harder and have more successful relationships that married couples due to a greater need for negotiation and compromise. “There is no imperative compelling survival of the relationship on artificial religious grounds or some divine grace ratified by a priest, pastor or other human.”

Indeed he finishes by saying that the only reason he and his partner chose to marry was for practical reasons due to some arcane financial law - it just made sense - but they did it on the proviso that nothing in the relationships changed.

It’s an interesting read. Personally I do place an importance on marriage and family values, but hopefully not in a way that alienates those that choose to live in another way. I have friends who are happy in their singleness, in living together, and in married - and equally I have friends who aren’t so happy in their particular situation.

Marriage and family in themselves do not somehow magically transform society for good, though I do believe there are links. A wider respect and an acknowledgement that the characteristics that make up a successful marriage or family - love, commitment, give and take, compromise, forgiveness, respect, to name but a few - can also help to hold together a successful community or society is more important, however individuals choose to work out their personal relationships.

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Violence against children ‘widely accepted’ and expected, says UN

The United Nations has issued a worrying report suggesting that violence against children is widely accepted and seen as normal, worldwide. The report from Kofi Annan’s office showed that 147 countries have not banned the punishment of children in other care settings, and that up to 275 million children witness domestic violence each year.

“Legalized violence against children in one context risks tolerance of violence against children generally,” said Louise Arbour, U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights, in a statement released with the report. “Violence against children is a violation of their human rights, a disturbing reality of our societies,” she said.

The report also estimated that in 2002, 150 million girls and 73 million boys were subjected to forced sexual intercourse and other forms of violence involving touch, whilst 53,000 were killed.

“Many people, even children, accept violence as an inevitable part of life,” said the 45-page study by independent expert Paulo Sergio Pinheiro. “I urge states to prohibit all forms of violence against children, in all settings, including all corporal punishment, harmful traditional practices — such as early and forced marriages, female genital mutilation and so-called honor crimes — sexual violence and torture and other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.”

It’s horrific to think that so many nations have reached a point where it’s ‘normal’ to see violence against children as acceptable, or only to focus on the most obvious, brutal cases when in fact there are so many hidden, ‘acceptable’ forms of violence carried out against kids every day.

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Grandmother tries to sue US Postal Service over fruitcake

I’m not quite sure what to make of this story. An 88-year-old grandmother, Lucille Greene, who every year sent a quantity of home baked fruit cake to her friends and relatives, was allegedly humiliated in December 2002 when she arrived at her local post office in Magnolia to post her bounty.

Apparently a postal worker quizzed her “What kind of explosives do you have in here?” and then shook the box.

She said that others in the post office laughed at her, leaving her upset and in tears. When she left the PO, she tripped over a concrete parking barrier and fell, breaking her glasses and chipping a tooth.

I’m not sure her claim for $250,000 in damages was ever going to go through (it didn’t) but the judge was sympathetic to her cause, saying that the clerk “was likely being less than courteous” despite following standard procedures for suspicious packages.

OK just one thing: since when was it standard procedure to shake a package you suspect contains explosives?

Lucille sent a couple of cakes to her lawyer this year.

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Church should promote marriage says Tory adviser. Don’t they already?

Harry Benson, adviser to David Cameron, leader of the UK’s Conservative party, has urged the Church of England to stand up for the institution of marriage.

“The Church should stick to its guns and promote marriage and strengthen and encourage it,” he told Radio 4’s Today programme. “If we start increasing the protection for cohabiting families we need to take into account that we may be increasing the problem, building up more family instability, more family break up, in the long term.”

Now maybe I missed the point where the CofE apparently said that cohabiting couples should have the same rights as married couples, but traditionally, at least, the Christian Church has always promoted marriage and family values.

It’s not a solve-all for society’s problems, though it can help.

Pushy parents may help kids do better at school, but is it all good?

Latest research into parenting techniques suggests that pushy parents - you know, the ones who get their kids involved in everything under the sun from when they first start walking and aren’t in nappies - actually help their children to do better at school.

However, I’m sure that can be taken too far, and Mary Ann Sieghart at the UK’s Times newspaper seems to agree. “It will certainly turn them into exhausted, regimented automatons, so used to taking instruction that they would walk blindly off a cliff if their ballet teacher told them to. It will stunt their imaginations, leave them no time to themselves and teach them nothing about how to cope with boredom.”

Well I might not take it that far, but her points are valid and make sense. There’s no point pushing your kids blindly in to any and every activity that school and the community can offer if they’ve no aptitude or desire to do it.

It’s the ‘I was forced to learn the piano’ adage multiplied into any activity you could imagine. Why would you force a child into an activity that they hate only to have them lose confidence, motivation, and possibly loathe that activity for life (which otherwise under their own steam they may have enjoyed later on).

“Certain pursuits are very difficult to pick up as an adult, and these are worth learning when young. Playing an instrument is one; skiing (if you can afford it) is another. But it is pointless to push children where they don’t want to go. If ours regret, as adults, that they didn’t stick to their sax or guitar lessons, I shall simply say, “More fool you!” Yet more ambitious parents pore over each piece of research, trying to determine what will maximise their children’s chances of getting into the top schools, earning the top exam results, sailing into Oxford or Cambridge and thence to a top merchant bank. They are happy to play Mozart to their foetuses or hold showcards above their babies’ cots if that is what it takes. It makes me want to weep.”

She concludes: We do our children far more good if we encourage balance and moderation. Don’t become an obsessive but, equally, don’t idle your life away. Pursue what you enjoy, do enough schoolwork to achieve goals that are realistic for you. Be happy. That’s enough.

Good advice. What do you think?

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Eva Herman sparks controversy in ’stay at home housewife’ comments

One of Germany’s top TV personalities, Eva Herman, has made some controversial comments about the role of women in society. She has suggested that they should be content to be stay-at-home housewives and mothers.

Whether this is just a big publicity stunt for her new book “Das Eva Prinzip” remains to be seen.

“Women simply cannot pursue a career and raise children properly at the same time,” she said in a news conference ahead of the book’s publication. “They can’t raise children properly and they can’t pursue a career properly. The two things simply don’t go together. And it is a grave mistake for women to miss out on raising children, which is their God-given duty.”

Not surprisingly there’s been a backlash:

“This is not the 19th century when women wore corsets and were not allowed out on the streets without chaperones,” said Regina Seidel, head of the German Businesswomen’s Association.

“This is the 21st century and this is Western Europe and we have the best-educated and most liberated women of all time. And a lot of them want to pursue careers and also raise families, and that is proving to be a very good development for humankind.”

An ex-husband (she’s been married four times) also joined the debate, writing a scathing retort in a German newspaper:

“Dear Eva,” wrote 55-year-old Werner Herman, “you were the one who always wanted to pursue a career and you were the one (not I) who did not want to have children.”

He added, “You didn’t do housework because we had a maid who took care of all the housework, except for flower arranging, which was your specialty.”

It’s an interesting debate, not so much because it’s fresh (it’s not) but because of who’s made the statements.

And, at the end of the day, every man and woman needs to work out for themselves what the best balance is between raising children and having a career. There are no absolute right or wrong answers. I’m sure not all of what Herman has said is wrong, and may have been taken out of context, but there’s no “one size fits all” approach to family, parenting, and work.

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Prominent British psychiatrist speaks out on family values and lawlessness

Whilst the majority of his work and writing is about criminal behaviour, Theodore Dalrymple (pseudonym for Dr Anthony Daniels) also has some interesting thoughts about the family, and goes so far as to suggest that the breakdown of family relationships, and particularly fatherhood, leads to many of the problems in our society.

He writes for The Spectator, and he also recently visited New Zealand. where Scoop caught up with him.

Some of his points include:

• Divorce should be outlawed except on grounds of violence, infidelity or “failure to keep to one’s responsibilities”
• There should be tax breaks for married couples [there used to be.]
• The ’sexual revolution’ is responsible for soaring domestic violence.
• “There are areas in Britain where fatherhood is completely unknown other than in a biological sense. Children are growing up in loveless environments in which they regard all human relationships as a means to an end for their personal gratification of the moment. That is a recipe for a very unpleasant life,”
• 50% of UK households no longer have a dining table - one small way the rot sets in.

He also has much to say about the welfare system and having a purpose. An interesting article.

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Breastfeeding in Style

Alot of people think that nursing clothing is maternity clothing. It isn’t. In fact, it looks just like your casual attire. The only difference is that, nursing clothing is designed with specially concealed openings. It makes breastfeeding and feeding in public more comfortable and unobtrusive.—This special bonding time doesn’t have to be vulgar right?

Although nursing clothes aren’t really a necessity, having these specially designed clothing for breastfeeding can make life a lot easier. If you’re constantly on the move, nursing clothing makes those breastfeeding moments more discreet. Whether you’re in the supermarket, restaurants or shopping malls, you can feed your baby via a hidden opening and nurse in privacy. No need to run around looking for a secluded area or nursing spot anymore.

There are so many styles and trendy nursing clothing that looks just as nice as your favorite casual wear. Gone are the days of big t-shirts and loose-fitting separates. The mommies of today can enjoy and maintain their sense of style and still nurture their babies.

Who Takes Care Of The Children?

Once we become parents, providing for our kids needs takes priority over everything in our lives. We work harder because of them. We discover hidden strengths in our efforts to find ways to raise them right.

Sometimes it happens that the demands of work will require you to leave your child in someone else’s care while you attend to making a living. If you will only be gone a few hours hiring a baby sitter is usually the way to go.

Some parents prefer to have family around. There is nothing as reassuring as knowing that your treasures are guarded by family. Your parents or siblings make ideal temporary guardians. The only problem lies in the fact that your parents may not be young enough to handle your kids for long while your siblings may be busy with their own kids or work load.

The dilemma for single parents increases if there is a need to be away for a few days. Most families will willingly take in their kin but what if your family isn’t around? If it isn’t possible to bring the kids, do you cancel your trip?

It can be even more confusing for families that are non-traditional. A committed pair with children from previous relationships can have the loving interference of family to figure in as well. Take for example if the mom has to go on a trip. Her life partner may be perfectly willing to take care of all the children but her parents may prefer to have their grandchildren with them instead of in his care. Leaving the kids in your LP’s care is a sign of trust that your parents may take against you. Moving the kids to your parents on the other hand may strain the relationship between you and your LP.

The ideal solution would be to leave the children in your life partner’s care and allow your parents and other family members to keep any eye and ear open for any assistance they might require while you’re gone. It truly comes down to how strong the relationship between the various family elements is. Each one has to be able to trust that the others will indeed take care of the children.