They don’t mean it

When your child asks you if he could play outside and you say No because he has to study for his exams, there are two things to expect. The first one, an out of the ordinary child would simply accept your words. Or, like every other child around the world, he would complain endlessly. The latter usually happens.

The argument begins. Moody bouts are thrown at you and sometimes, you might hear maddened “I hate you! I wish I had another mommy!” and other hurtful lines. So what are you going to do? You feel hurt and disheartened.

Thing is, when children are mad, they sometimes use hurtful words or actions to show their feelings. In what other form or way could they anyway? These sudden blowups should not be taken seriously. Don’t let it break your heart. In other words, he didn’t really say that because he does. It is because he is so mad that he didn’t get what he wanted and you were the reason for it. That doesn’t mean you should just keep quiet and accept such behavior though. But in order to react “wisely”, you should be able to handle your own emotions first.

They need to know that getting mad is fine, but there are different ways to show their madness. The one that is acceptable to the people around them and the one that will get them in more trouble. When a child uses strong words and shouts at you, turning your back and walking away after telling him that you’d rather talk later when he’s calmer, is probably the best for both of you. In that way, both of you can get a breather.

This type of discipline was never easy for me, I grew-up in a country where corporal punishment was acceptable. No parent really talked when they were mad, and children didn’t really have a voice. But things change and I’ve learned to apply this style in my own discipline measure.

My 35-month old and I had a small fight, wherein I asked him to go to the room and stay there until he’s finished with his tanturms. He walked away mumbling and turned to me before entering the room and said, “I’m mad at you. I don’t like you.” and disappeared with a loud cry. Had that happened without me yet accepting this newfound discipline, I would have used my hands to express my madness, taking those words as disrespecting me as a parent. But no, I just looked at him and said, “okay.” Couple of minutes later, he was fine and we were back to our good old selves again.

Not At The Dining Table!

For most families, the only time they really get to spend time together in a day is during the evening meal. Breakfast is usually a hurried affair as everyone rushes of to school or work. Nobody is home for lunch but mom and the baby. Basically, the house stands vacant until afternoon.

By the tie everyone comes home, they have had a full day. Everyone is tired. Some may be excited. There are disagreements. If you have a teenager in the house, there is probably loud music banging away somewhere overhead. The kids are noisy and all trying to get your attention.

Usually, the time to catch up on what’s been happening with each other is over dinner. Unfortunately this also opens the door for some arguments as each child tries to speak first or disagrees with what another is saying. There is the factor of you are training them in proper table manners. Oh, and don’t forget the tension of adults - you may be in the middle of a disagreement about something.

Make it a family agreement to keep dinnertime a peaceful time. Arguments and disagreements make for bad digestion. Leave them outside the dining room. You can always take them up again after the dishes are cleaned, right? Often, it will fade by the time dinner is done. You’ll also find that you’ll also be better able to handle any problems when you are full rather than when you’re hungry.

Try it for yourself. You may be amazed at how much it can improve your family relationships.

Kids and the Internet

Everyday we thank goodness for the internet. It has made searching for information a lot faster. It is also great to be able to easily keep in touch with family and friends who have moved away. It is a blessing to be able to order things online when the day is just so busy there is no time to go out.

However, it does scare me as a parent. My children have begun asking to access the websites of certain shows. Though their chosen sites seem perfectly ok, when we went to see the site, there was an age restriction on it. Typical child, the more my daughter was told she couldn’t access the site, the more she wanted to go to it.

So how to deal with it:

• Install parental control software like net nanny to help keep access to porn sites down to zero.
• Monitor your kids internet time just as you would if they were at play outside
• Get to know their online friends just as you would their actual friends
• Teach them that it is a very bad idea to disclose personal information online
• Don’t stop being vigilant just because your kid turns 15. Be aware that 72% of missing children are around the ages 15 and older.
• Keep abreast of technology. The kids may absorb it faster but that is no reason for us to be lazy and stop learning. Your kid may be less likely to get into internet trouble if they know that you are also tech savvy and are taking all the necessary precautions to keep them safe.