Parents of children with cancer suffer post-traumatic stress

I can’t imagine what it’s like to be the relative of someone with cancer, but when they’re your child, it must be terribly stressful.

So it’s no surprise that a study by the Chidren’s Hospital in Philadelphia concludes that parents of children with cancer suffer with both immediate and lingering symptoms of post-traumatic stress.

The press release says:

“We have found, time and again, that we need to approach and treat these types of traumatic stress from a family perspective,” said study leader Anne E. Kazak, Ph.D., ABPP, director of Psychology and co-director of the Center for Pediatric Traumatic Stress at Children’s Hospital. “Our understanding of these traumatic stress responses should build on existing strengths in families, while being sensitive to parents at higher risk for stress symptoms that may interfere with their daily functioning.”

It describes the symptoms and triggers:

PTS symptoms include intrusive, unwanted thoughts; avoidance of stress-inducing settings and situations; and heightened arousal, such as sweating, dizziness or increased heart rate triggered by reminders of the original experience. Although PTS symptoms are not as severe as full-blown post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they are closely related. In a previous study, the Children’s Hospital team found that 20 percent of families of adolescent survivors of childhood cancer had at least one parent with current PTSD.

Stressful events such as learning the child’s cancer diagnosis, seeing the child in pain, emergency hospitalizations, adverse effects of treatment, and deaths of other patients, may all contribute to a parent’s PTS symptoms.

Psychologists originally characterized PTSD among patients suffering the aftereffects of war or natural disasters. “Because cancer is a life-threatening experience,” said Dr. Kazak, “it too can inflict similar psychological effects.”

• Read the full press release: Parents of children with cancer suffer post-traumatic stress symptoms, both immediate and lingering
• Read Tips for parents of children with cancer
• Read Tips for families facing cancer

Children with disabilities deserve equal protection

It’s horrifying to think that children with a disability may not be receiving as much attention and protection from abuse than able-bodied children, but that’s what a recent report by UNICEF suggests.

The Report, recently issued by UNICEF, finds that while all children are at risk of being victims of violence, disabled children have significantly increased risk because of stigma, negative traditional beliefs and ignorance. Lack of social support, limited opportunities for education, employment or participation in the community further isolate disabled children and their families, leading to increased levels of stress and hardship. The Report also finds that disabled children are often targeted by abusers, who see them as easy victims.

Child abuse is wrong - full stop.

“Violence against children as a global problem will not be solved unless the world’s millions of disabled children are included in the overall solution,” Groce added. “Nor will any of the Millennium Development goals be met unless this large and most marginalized group of children are fully included and addressed.”

Read the full press release: UNICEF report shows disabled children at serious risk

• Visit UNICEF’s home page

Family stories affect children’s development

Researchers are putting family stories under the microscope as they seek to find out how they shape a child’s development.

They’re finding that having a shared sense of family history is linked to children’s self-esteem and resiliency.

They’ve also found that happy stories aren’t as effective as sad or difficult stories but where a relative pulls through a situation.

Kids who knew their family history had higher self-esteem and fewer emotional problems, such as depression. The children seem to gain a sense of self in relation to other family members and to the past, building confidence. “Families who tell family stories have kids who are doing better,” says Robyn Fivush, an Emory psychology professor.

Stories of relatives’ suffering, leading eventually to growth or success, may be helpful, according to a study of 74 middle-aged people by Dan P. McAdams, a psychology professor at Northwestern University. He found that adults who were the most nurturing and supportive of younger generations, based on tests completed by each subject, were five times more likely to tell stories of suffering leading to expansion or growth, compared with adults who were less nurturing.

So, it looks like the happy-ever-after fairy stories should be moderated, in favour of the reality of family history.

Read the full article: Family hard-luck stories can help kids

Getting proper perspective on marriage responsibilities

Here’s an interesting article on getting the right ‘balance of power’ in a marriage relationship.

It rightfully states that a couple must equally own a the relationship: there must be shared responsibility over family decisions.

It also challenges the misinterpretation of a Christian value that the man is the head of the household.

Both beliefs can co-exist, because being ‘head of the household’ does not mean having overall control or domination.

“I can’t tell you how unhappy this lopsided thinking has made many of the women in my congregation,” said Tim. “They come to our counseling center so stressed out, they want to run for their lives. ”

Tim openly tells his congregation that any husband will miss out on a great relationship if he treats his wife as a follower all of the time.

“Women come up with wonderful ideas for any family,” said Tim. “I’ve got some Southern macho types in my congregation that don’t know what they’re missing.

“Their wives are so dominated, these poor women won’t suggestion a new restaurant for fear of upsetting their husbands. And, these wives can’t mention a new place for a vacation without getting voted down. Their husbands will never know the fun of trying new things. ”

Of course, we all know of marriages in which the wife calls most of the shots. There are plenty of dominating women out there in our society.

It’s really sad, though, when the power balance between an adult couple is not in place. One of the marriage partners is forced to be victimized-or risk a divorce.

Read the full article: Power balance in a marriage should be 50-50

Ferocious Flirting: Romantic Tips for Married Couples

The Blue Fish Network has just added a second site to its Relationships channel: Ferocious Flirting.

Thou shalt flirt ferociously each day with thy spouse that thy marriage shall be blessed with strength, joy and longevity. In everyday life its important to take a moment to keep the romance kindled. How can a husband and a wife keep the romance alive? Here are a few ideas; including how to have romance in your marriage when there are children.

This is a fantastic site with lots of useful and inspiring advice for keeping your most important relationship alive and fresh.

Recent posts include Valentine’s Idea: Personalized Kisses, Simple act of kindness, Valentine Idea: Candy Heart Image Generator, and Notice the little things.

It’s written by Matt from Utah.

Sibling relationships better than their reputation

Here’s something I know very little about, being an only-child: sibling rivalry.

However, the relationship between brothers and sisters is improving, says family research professor Hartmut Kasten, an expert in sibling relationships at the state institute for early childhood education in Munich.

The order children are born in no longer plays such a significant part in their family rank—the pecking order—or role.

Siblings benefit from each other from the beginning. They quickly become playmates, Kasten said. In the end, they spend much more time together than with parents or friends. Whey they fight or feel jealous, they must come together and find a compromise, which amounts to social training for life.

Siblings can also help their brother or sister find his or her own role. That’s because we compare ourselves with older siblings more than with anyone else, said school psychologists Christine Kaniak- Urban and Andrea Lex-Kachel.

Younger children closely observe which position the older children in the family have filled and which positions are still open, they say.

Whether a child has a sibling or not also affects the parents. A lengthy study of married couples showed that families with two or more children are the happiest.

(Source: Relationships between siblings are often better than their reputation)

January is the month to get dumped

Twice as many relationships break up in January than any other month, according to research by Yahoo! Personals, and the second Thursday in January is the most likely day.

It’s far enough away from the frivolities of Christmas and New Year parties (a major contributing factor) to not seem too cruel (?) or obvious, yet it gets the job done after that New Year Resolution.

Women are more forward-thinking about it all, whereas men are more likely to blame disagreements with in-laws as the reason for the split.

Among adults aged 18 to 24, relationship collapse was commonly blamed on partners flirting with other people during the party season. In contrast, 10 per cent of 35- to 44-year-olds said life was too short to stay with someone they were unhappy with.

Even though people might have known their relationship would end, this did not stop them from splashing out on their partners. One person in four bought an expensive Christmas present out of guilt, despite knowing they were going to split up in the near future.

(Source: Why today’s the day to kiss love goodbye)

British public back confidential sex advice for under-16s

A new public survey seems to reinforce last year’s call from health workers for sexual health advice to remain confidential for under 16s.

An opinion poll of almost 1000 adults showed that 94% believed that young people who felt unable to talk to their parents about sex and relationships should be able to access confidential information elsewhere.

…young people’s sexual health charity Brook said that in some parts of the country, confidentially was already being ignored.

Some area child protection committees have developed guidance requiring those working with children and young people to breach confidentiality by telling social services about any under-age sexual activity, the charity says.

Brook’s survey found that 70% of people disagreed that making it possible for young people to get confidential sexual health advice and services led them to start having sex at an earlier age.

There was also support for more comprehensive sex education in schools

(Source: Public backs confidential sex advice for under-16s )

Blaming faith for ’style over substance’ misses the point

Andrea Brooks of the Sydney Morning Herald writes a fairly scathing post about Australia’s new Family Relationships Centres.

She makes some good points which at first reading make sense:

• people often end up in FRCs when things have gone badly wrong.
• couples will have already tried counselling.
• two main reasons for couples splitting up are financial strain, and ignorance about raising children.

However, she then attacks this ‘faith-based policy’ as if all faith-based activity is wrong.

Perhaps this policy is not the best use of money, but she argues instead for “expanding financial planning services and early childhood community-based nursing programs which would help alleviate the problems of marriages under pressure”.

These two areas are often strongly supported and managed by faith groups, but Andrea’s atheistic article fails to mention this.

“Policy built on faith rather than reality”

Well, that’s your opinion, Andrea, which you’re welcome to, but if you are saying that the Government is wrong for putting the family first, I suggest you take a swipe at many major Westernised governments.

“Aircraft control centres” for Australian families

Aircraft Control Centres - that’s how Australia’s new Family Relationship Centres have been described (by the Attorney-General Philip Ruddock); helping and guiding people through the different stages of their relationships.

“I liken them to an aircraft control centre,” he said. “They will be the point of contact which people will know … If you need to deal with issues relating to your health you approach your doctor. If people have a family relationship issue they would approach a family relationship centre.”

The Centres will encourage people to work at reconcilition outside of the court system, often through showing couples the impact their conflict may be having on their children.

(Source: Ground control to mum, dad)

7 New Year Resolutions for your Marriage

However good your marriage is, there’s always room for a little improvement.

Resolve to make 2006 a spectacular year for your marriage!

1. Express love daily

• Choose to love without conditions daily.
• Say “I love you” and mean it.
• Show love through your words and actions.

2. Apologise more readily

• Say “Sorry” and mean it.
• Admit your mistakes before you’re caught out.
• Don’t attempt to make yourself look better by trivialising or retaliating when it’s you that’s in the wrong.

3. Forgive more graciously

• Don’t hold a grudge or try to make them feel worse.
• Never gloat.
• Remember, next time it will probably be you that messes up.

4. Speak well of each other

• Never badmouth your partner to anyone else in public. Be respectful at all times.
• Sort out your problems, issues, and ‘dirty laundry’ in private first.
• Don’t confide in other people without your partner knowing and agreeing.

5. Make time for each other

• Maintain and develop shared interests and spend quality time together.
• Do what you can to have regular exclusive/special times that nothing else interferes with (a ‘date night’).
• Examine your schedule and don’t let yourself get so busy that you never see your partner.

6. Allow space for each other

• Don’t spend 24 hours of every day with each other
• Allow each other to develop hobbies and interests
• Though you’re a partnership, remember you are also still two individuals. Don’t live independently but don’t cramp each other’s style either.

7. Keep romance alive

• Guard against your relationship becoming stale or mundane
• Be spontaneous!
• Romantic surprises are fun!