Advice for women in abusive relationships

It’s a sad fact that some women are in abusive relationships where they are physically and mentally assaulted on a regular basis.

An article at Health24.com gives some sound advice for women aiming to get out of such a relationship.

Many of the issues are related to the abuser’s control/dominance, the victim’s isolation, the need for planning, and getting the right family, friends, colleagues and organisations on-side.

Advice includes:

• Call in the experts.
• Call on family and friends.
• Don’t live alone at first.
• Tell security at work.
• Get counselling.
• Try to build up some financial independence.
• Don’t go out alone at night.
• If children are involved, ensure the school is aware of the situation.

Read the full article: Leaving your abusive spouse

Academic calls for teenage pregnancy confidentiality to be upheld

Jenny Billings at the University of Kent, UK, responds to the current controversy surrounding the issue of teenage girls having abortions without parental knowledge, in the following press release:

Teenage pregnancy - the reason why confidentiality law must be upheld

Jenny Billings, Research Fellow in the Centre for Health Services Studies at the University of Kent, has responded to the current controversy surrounding the legal challenge to a law that allows young girls to have abortions without parental knowledge by saying, ‘Confidentiality is at the forefront of teenagers’ minds when they are using sexual health services.’

Billings, an experienced researcher and lecturer with a special interest in health service research and evaluation, particularly with regard to children, families, and teenage pregnancy, has just completed a major study on teenagers’ views and experiences of sex and relationships education, sexual health services and family support services in Kent.

She says: ‘When we asked teenagers what they thought was the most important feature of a sexual health/young person’s clinic, 90 percent of them reported that “confidentiality” was very important, followed by “not telling my parents”. This was reinforced by an unusually high number of written statements such as “promise of confidentiality”, “a guarantee that parents will not be informed” and “I think that children and teenagers should be able to trust the person they are talking to, and know what they are doing or telling that person is confidential”.’

Jenny Billings added, ‘Teenagers are therefore very concerned about confidentiality and trust when they go to clinics for contraception and sexual health advice. So if they lose confidence in the services and feel their confidentiality will not be protected for the more serious issue of abortion, the chances are they will not turn to trained professionals for help and advice, and this could cause them to be very isolated. These are some of the reasons why the confidentiality law must be upheld.’

UNIVERSITY OF KENT,
Canterbury,
Kent,
CT2 7NZ,
UK
www.ukc.ac.uk

About the UNIVERSITY OF KENT

The University of Kent was granted its Royal Charter in 1965. Today there are almost 10,000 full-time and part-time students with over 110 nationalities represented.

Single and fed up? Read a book

The Austin American Statesman suggests some books that single men and women might like to read ‘when your friends are sick of hearing about it, your therapist is ready to give you a refund and your favorite bartender bans you for life’.

Whether things are this desperate or not, a book might provide some useful advice, or at very least some light entertainment.

In her article, Pamela Spencer reviews seven books, aimed at a variety of people and situations, and states their pros and cons.

They probably won’t solve all your dating, breakup and relationship quandries, but between them there could be some useful advice.

Read the full article: Tired of being alone? Curl up with these books for advice on finding love or how you lost it

All Pro Dad program helping fathers

Agape Press reports on a Florida-based program called All Pro Dad which is using National Football League coaches and players to encourage men to become involved with their children.

The three main components of All Pro Dad are:

1. Daily “Play of the Day” emails go to nearly 20,000 subscribers.
2. NFL spokesmen: professional coaches and players that share their own fatherhood testimonies and encourage dads to get involved with their families.
3. All Pro Dads groups in schools

Everything in All Pro Dad is free of charge.

Topics covered on the programme include:

• Loving your wife
• Being a role model
• Showing affection
• Building family relationships

There are currently about 150 ‘chapters’ with 6000 members in the US.

Visit the website: All Pro Dads

Married men more likely to get pay rise, study suggests

A new Australian study suggests that married men are more likely to gain pay rises in their jobs than single men.

This could be for several reasons:

• Married men are able to devote more time and energy to their jobs, as they may have a more supportive home life
• The qualities that make men ‘marriageable’ may also appeal to employers
• Bosses may still think married men are more stable and reliable

The same does not appear to hold true for women.

The advantage also seems to disappear for the highest male earners, for whom experience and education are more important.

Read the full article: Marriage as good as a pay rise - for men

Happily married may have greater immunity to flu virus

New research from the University of Birmingham (UK) suggests that those in happily married relationships may have a great immunity to the flu virus than the general population.

It also showed that those who had recently suffered a bereavement were more likely to contract the virus.

Other factors, such as feeling stressed, smoking, drinking, lack of sleep, exercise and diet didn’t have a marked effect.

Though these are early stages and more research is needed, it’s another pointer to the possible health benefits gained from being in a happy, committed relationship.

How to Survive Thanksgiving Dinner: Family Relationship Advice

Press Release: How to Survive Thanksgiving Dinner: Family Relationship Advice

“Even if your family relationship is a battlefield, you can turn Thanksgiving into one of the best holidays you’ve ever had. Simply follow my ‘holiday emergency’ family relationship advice!” says Dr. Diana Kirschner, one of the nation’s leading authorities on love and family relationships.

“Are you doomed to a miserable holiday if your relatives drive you crazy? Even if your family relationship is a battlefield, you can turn Thanksgiving into one of the best holidays you’ve ever had. Simply follow the seven key steps of my ‘holiday emergency’ family relationship advice!” says Dr. Diana Kirschner, one of the nation’s leading authorities on love and family relationship advice and author of the smash hit book, Opening Love’s Door, a fable with secrets for creating love & happy relationships in your life.

Here are the seven steps of Dr. Kirschner’s family relationship advice:

1. Shock your troublesome ‘bad egg’ relatives into being cordial or even likeable. List three things, even small things, like hair color or crossword puzzle ability, you truly appreciate about them. Work these things into your conversation in an authentic way at the beginning of the family visit. This will tend to shock these ‘bad eggs’ into being ‘good eggs.’
2. Use the therapist’s secret. When you’re facing a battleaxe relative, win by refusing to fight. Accept comments that used to upset you with a nod and say “That’s the way you see it.” This really throws them and saves you from a lot of holiday stress.
3. Neutralize joy-kill fighting among your kids. Get all of your kids, even your youngest, into helping to prepare for the holiday. Have them set the table, decorate, slice and dice. This key piece of family relationship advice will engage the children’s attention, give them something to be proud of and stop any fighting.
4. Set your intention for this holiday. You can make up your mind to have a happy Thanksgiving, no matter what your family relationships are like. Decide something like, “This is the happiest Thanksgiving I’ve ever had.” Remember to use the present tense. Instead of engaging in family relationship battles, as soon as it’s possible, give yourself your own fun—excuse yourself and go out for a walk or jump in a pile of leaves.
5. Stop worrying about looking good. Say you’re having your in-laws over for dinner and you’re nervous. Realize that it’s not about having a house that is perfect: it’s about what it feels like when people come into your house. If you’re all-consumed with the decorations, table setting and the food being perfect, you’ll end up exhausted, miserable, or fighting with your kids and husband. Your real job is to create celebration, fun and joy.
6. Create a tradition of personal sharing & gratitude. Ask each family member to talk about favorite memories of the holiday around the dinner table. Have them share what they are most thankful for on thanksgiving. Research shows that the happiest people are the ones who are grateful for what they have.
7. Set up a postive bond when a new boy/girlfriend comes to Thanksgiving dinner. Beforehand, tell both the family and your friend all the “good news” about each other. Introduce discussion topics both have interest in. If you are the newbie in the family, bring an incredibly thoughtful gift for the occasion, ask questions and listen a lot. Appreciate any and all good things about the meal, the house and the family members and remember to tell them what you enjoyed!

Dr. Diana Kirschner has presented her love and family relationship advice on Oprah, Good Morning America, Sally Jessy Raphael, and numerous radio shows. She has been interviewed by The New York Times, Time Magazine, The New York Post, the LA Times, USA Today and many more radio & TV talk shows, newspapers and magazines.

Contact Dr.Diana Kirschner
http://www.openinglovesdoor.com/home.html
212-420-8079

Perception that marriage makes you worse off

A recent survey of Australian women may indicate a larger trend of thought: that marriage leaves you financially worse-off than staying single or being in less committed relationships.

A survey of 550 women by the Heat Group revealed that 39% of those questioned believed that staying single left you with more money than getting married.

This is put down to the likelihood that married couples put more money towards the future, accommodation, and children.

Queensland University of Technology Family Therapy and Counselling Clinic director David Axten said the results were “not a shock” because of the negative perceptions surrounding the responsibilities of marriage.

Mr Axten said this phenomenon stemmed from women in their 20s, armed with their disposable incomes and subsequent enjoyable lifestyles.

“Young people for a while indulge in self-centred spending - dressing and paraphernalia that goes with being cool - and not having to worry about anyone except themselves,” Mr Axten said.

“There is this feeling they have a lot of financial freedom - whether it’s a reality or not.

“Its not the reality of the financial status - it’s the mindset and mind shift towards responsibility that makes the difference.”

In real terms, couples often find they are better off than singles, because they generally have two incomes and can share the cost of rent or mortage, food, bills and other living expenses.

Everyone, regardless of any relationship they are in, needs to strike a balance between living for the moment, and saving for the future.

Read the full article: Married women ‘financially worse off’

The right kind of love: a touching story

Matt Katz at the Asbury Park Press recalls a touching story of a 75-year-old man he caught up with after a Frank Sinatra dance in which he asked six women to dance and was only turned down once.

Harry’s main reason for attending the dance was out of loneliness. His wife of 50 years had died 3 years previously.

I literally saw a lump move through the wrinkled skin of his throat when I asked about her.

“She looked beautiful. She acted beautiful. She was beautiful,” he said. “I know I can’t replace her. I’m just looking for someone to replace some of the misery.”

Then he finished his Chesterfield, wished me adieu and gave me a final piece of advice.

“If you find a woman whom you love and who loves you, the hell with the rest of the damn world,” he said. “It’s so beautiful.”

Read the full article: The real deal about May-December relationships

Women’s sexual desire more likely linked to self-image, not hormones

It has often been believed that women who begin losing their sex drive as they age are the victims of hormones.

However, a new study suggests that body image plays a much greater role in libido.

If a woman thinks that she is becoming less attractive, her sex drive reacts and drops.

Dr. Patricia Barthalow Koch [associate professor of biobehavioral health and women’s studies at Penn State University] and her team studied 307 mostly white, heterosexual women aged 35 to 55.
About 21 percent said they were pre-menopausal, 63.5 percent said they were undergoing some menopausal changes and 15.5 percent were past menopause.

Nearly 21 percent of the women could not think of even one attractive feature and reported an overall sense of dissatisfaction with their bodies, Koch’s team reported in The Journal of Sex Research. The women especially disliked their stomachs or abdomens, hips, thighs and legs.

Two-thirds of the women said they either desired sex less than 10 years before or that they had sex less often.

Read the full article: Body image, not menopause, causes lack of desire

Morning-after pill not just for one-night stands

The perception that the “morning-after” pill is only taken by women who have had unprotected sex in a casual relationship have been challenged by a study carried out in Australia.

Though the sample size of just 32 women, aged between 18 and 45, is small, it showed that 26 of them (over three-quarters) were in a committed relationship.

“What I’ve learnt from my study is that women are making really well-thought through decisions about their contraception,” Dr Keogh [University of Melbourne’s Key Centre for Women’s Health in Society] said.

“This isn’t something they take lightly and termination is something that nearly all of them raised as something they just wouldn’t ever want to do.

“I think we need to trust women to make the right decisions about contraception for themselves.

“They’re living in their bodies and they know what’s best for their bodies.”

Read original article: Morning-after pill users debunk myth

UK health workers urge teenage sex advice to remain confidential

The current usual right of a teenager under the age of 16 to maintain confidentiality when discussing sexual health issues with a doctor or other health professional is being challenged by a UK parent who argues that parental input is vital in the cases of underage abortion and other serious sexual health issues.

Health campaigners argue that removing this confidentiality would lead to an increase in unplanned pregnancies and sexually-transmitted infections.

It would cause teenagers to avoid seeking professional help and advice, because the fear of other people being told about the issues they face is a key concern and reason for teens not to seek medical help.

Anne Weyman, chief executive of the Family Planning Association, said: “This case seeks to compel health professionals to inform the parents of anyone aged under 16 that they have been approached by that young person for advice, information or treatment about any sexual health matter, not just abortion.

“Young people worry a great deal about confidentiality and it is the single most important factor in their decision to visit a health service. Compulsory parental notification of their visit will drive teenagers away from services and prevent many of them coming forward for help.

“This will only put them at greater risk of unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, with potentially disastrous consequences to individuals, the public health and the NHS.”

Currently, only in extreme cases where the safety and wellbeing of the child outweighs the right to privacy, are other people - such as police, social workers and parents - involved.

However, health professionals always encourage a responsible adult to be involved in the decisions a teenager makes, even if it is not a parent.

A recent Brook survey found that almost three-quarters of young people under 16 would be less likely to seek sexual health advice if they thought other people could be informed.

Read the full article: Teen sex advice must remain confidential, say campaigners

Next Page »