Subtle personality changes can cause couples to grow apart

A new study from the University of Illinois may explain why it can be difficult to maintain a relationship over a long period of time.

The belief that personality stays put after age 30 is being challenged:

“We have found that people quite definitely change after the age of 30,” Brent Roberts, a senior psychologist at the University of Illinois, said. “While the change is gradual it continues throughout life and goes on even into old age.”

Roberts said his work tended to show that people often did not select partners well: “They are more likely to select on the basis of economic status, intelligence and values, which are part of personality but are less important. The biggest factor in marriage breakdown seems to be how far away an individual is, or becomes, from their partner’s (initial) view of them,” he said.

It is a finding borne out by marriage guidance counsellors. “It is extremely common for people to say the person they live with has changed in a way they don’t recognise,” said Barbara McKay, head of counsellor training at Relate in Britain.

This is why it is vitally important to stay in close communication and raise any issues in personality or behavioural changes early on.

Change can be a good thing if it’s handled well.

Read the full article: Talking to a stranger? Personality study finds why some couples grow apart