Premarital counselling can help relationships thrive

The thought of counselling before getting married, with the connotations that counselling conjurs up, and all the stresses of planning and preparation for the wedding day itself, may be a daunting one, but senior pastor at Athens First Presbyterian Church for one believes they are an essential ingredient in the pre-marital build-up.

Certainly in Britain, couples wanting to get married in the Anglican church must attend one or more sessions with the vicar who will marry them. However, a more in-depth approach may be what’s needed.

Glenn Doak, senior pastor at Athens First Presbyterian Church, said his sessions with engaged couples are less a compatibility test for the relationship than a way for the couple to prepare for the needs of a marriage. He talks with couples about everything from their relationships with their soon-to-be in-laws to their expectations for their life 10 years after their wedding.

At times, the discussions about topics like finances and children are firsts for both partners.

“Sometimes, they’ve talked about all these things and it’s just a chance to talk about it in front of someone else. Other people haven’t talked about any of these things. There are some surprises. Some people sit up and take notice,” Doak said.

Even if there are no revelations, the opportunity to talk through important issues that face every marriage - money, children, goals, work, home - is refreshing.

Even non-religious couples would benefit from going through at least basic marriage preparation.

It seems that premarital counseling actually equips couples with the tools they’ll need to weather the storms that will come. Every couple is going to have arguments, they’re going to face trials of some form or another,” Self (director of public policy at the Georgia Family Council) said. “I think, typically, we assume that because we love someone and are committed to them, that really is perhaps all we need. Certainly, that’s great, but there are some really basic tools - communication styles, ways to handle conflict - that if couples are able to get that down, then ultimately they’re just able to weather that better.”

Read the full article: Experts say premarital counseling can help relationships thrive

Press Release: Relationship Repair Retreat

Press Release: With Canadian Relationship Expert, Speaker and Author of “Are You Fit To Love?

Many relationships are in serious trouble and a huge number will be heading for the divorce court. Traditional relationship advice or counseling has often not been successful.

Obviously it takes more soul-searching, action-oriented steps and a relaxed environment to produce lasting change. Maybe this is why couples attending weekend relationship retreats report significant and positive results. There is something to be said about devoting an entire weekend to just the two of you. A getaway from the distractions of every day life, focused on improving your relationship, could very well be the greatest gift to each other.

Westwind Inn offers a dynamic 3-day relationship repair retreat where participants learn how to radically improve their relationships based on the Fit 2 Love! ® Principles. This life-changing, unforgettable weekend takes place in the breath-taking and luxurious environment of one of Ontario’s most magnificent adult-only lakeside resorts. In this perfect setting, participants embrace a down-to-earth roadmap to relationship success learning real solution for real problems in the real world.

Allie Ochs, fun, kind-hearted, passionate, yet brutally honest relationship expert, helps participants to discover the 3 universal principles of all successful relationships: mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity. The agenda includes discovering:

1. What you really mean to each other
2. The universal solution to all relationship turmoil
3. Making love a priority without neglecting other responsibilities
4. How to overcome your greatest relationship challenge
5. How to re-connect and re-commit
6. The bravery to be authentic

Dates: Sept 2 to 4, 2005 Labor Day Long Weekend
Workshop Fee: $150 per person (in addition to weekend package rate)
Location: Westwind Inn, Buckhorn, Ontario Canada (near Peterborough)
Contact: 1-800-387-8100 or 1-705-657-8095
E-mail: info@westwindinn.net
Website: www.westwindinn.net / www.fit2love.com

Allie is available and will cooperate for live and phoner interviews. She has media experience and will accept interviews for guest cancellations. Contact Allie www.fit2love.com for JPEG images of her book cover and self-portrait.

For more details: Allie Ochs, St. Catharines, Ont. Canada 905-938-3568 0r allie@fit2love.com

Rising tide of military divorces stemmed with counselling

There is evidence of a growing divorce rate amongst US troops returning from Iraq caused by prolonged separation, and the stresses of active service.

National Guard in Maine and New Hampshire are concerned about the rise, but are confident that most couples will stay together. They continue to recommend couples seek professional marriage counselling if they encounter difficulties, which can occur up to six months after couples are reunited.

Another factor is the prolonged time spent with comrades; upon their return they find it hard to say goodbye to their guard families.

About half of the state’s 1,800 Army guard soldiers returned this year from long overseas deployments. The guard launched “Operation Welcome Home” to help them readjust to civilian life.

Universal factors are often magnified in these relationships - the biggest problem is lack of communication; communication which is difficult over long distances is strained when couples come back together.

Organised retreats for couples help them to re-discover the joy of being married.

Military programmes designed to help and save marriages include:

• The Deployment Cycle Support Program
• The Building Strong and Ready Families Program
• The Strong Bonds Marriage Education Program
• The Marine Corps’ Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program
• The Navy’s Marriage Enrichment Retreat

Read the full article: Guard families confront divorce after Iraq return

Teaching adults parenting skills is best method to treat children with conduct problems

A new study from associate of psychology professor Theodore Beauchaine at the University of Washington has reinforced what many people already know: Parenting skills are vital in the development and discipline of a child.

“You don’t treat conduct disorder or delinquency just by treating the child,” Beauchaine said. “This study shows that parent training is the most effective tool in dealing with conduct disorder. We compared a great number of variables and there was not a single condition where a treatment without parent training was more effective.”

A combined approach that equips parents and teachers, as well as giving the child social skills, is the most successful method.

The study also found that children with symptoms of depression or anxiety responded better to treatment; that children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) responded better to interventions where teacher training was added to parental training; that treatments apply equally well to girls as well as boys.

The parent training program used in the study taught parents child-directed play skills, effective parenting, communication and problem solving skills, strategies for coping with stress and ways to boost children’s social skills and manage aggressive and problematic behaviors. The child training program included teaching youngsters how to follow school rules, doing one’s best in school, coping with feelings, problem solving, anger management, making friends and engaging in teamwork.

Read the full article: Teaching adults effective parenting skills best tool to treat children with serious conduct problems

Sight and smell differ on what makes the best mate

New research published in New Scientist magazine suggests that human’s senses of smell and sight give contradictory signals about attractiveness.

It’s possibly to do with ‘Major Histocompatibility Complex’ (MHC), the huge molecule on cells, unique to each individual, which helps our immune systems to distinguish native from alien cells.

The theory is that in-breeding is avoided by humans selecting a mate with a different MHC to their own. How this is done is still something of a mystery, though sense of smell is likely to play its part.

However, a study in which women rated the attractiveness of male faces contradicted this, with higher scores going to men with similar MHC to their own.

The visual stimuli could be in place to allow people to select a mate not too distantly related.

However, a lot is still unclear about whether these chemical triggers play a part in mate selection, and in what ways.

Read the full article: What the eyes see, the nose denies

Ingredients for good marriages

Marsha Goldstein has written an article about the ingredients that go together to form a good marriage; communication, honesty and trust. She writes:

Unfortunately, some people have unrealistic ideas of what marriage is. Marriage is good times, bad times, horrific times, times of joy and happiness, times of tears, and anything else that can be thrown into the pot. In other words, marriage is life shared with another person. As life doesn’t give anyone any promises, neither does marriage. Marriage needs to be worked on every day.

Marsha uses the analogy of a business meeting, with an agenda, so that both partners in a marriage know what issues need to be discussed: finances, in-laws, children… However, it doesn’t have to be so formal, just so long issues are spoken and worked through early on so resentment or distrust don’t take root.

The issue of children of all ages is covered; an important subject for those entering second marriages:

Fine-tuning to a new family may take from three to five years. Within that time problems will arise including scheduling visits to the other parent or parents, getting along with stepchildren, sharing time with all the children involved and, most importantly, having couple time.

Children, on the whole, don’t mind their parents dating or having a special person in their life. However, when the person fills the roll of mother or father trouble may soon follow.

Children, even adult children, have a fantasy of their parents getting back together after a divorce. They want the unit reunited hoping that the issues of the past can be forgotten and the family composition once again whole and without problems.

Read the full article: Life Matters: Ingredients for a good first, second marriage

Californians take advantage of paid family leave programme

Lorna Richardson Evans has her hands full with triplets, so she took advantage of the Paid Family Leave Program.

Not only did she get eight weeks for maternity leave, but she also got another twelve weeks to spend with her newly-expanded family.

“Because you have to nurse them and you have to nurture them and they’re so little and they only came home at four pounds and I would have had to stay home and lost my job and money if I didn’t have that opportunity,” she said.

According to the California Employment Development Department, 176,000 Californians filed claims for benefits in the first year of the program. 138-thousand of those claims were paid.

If the employer doesn’t pay, you and I do through the state disability insurance that’s deducted from your paycheck. 13-million workers in the state are covered under the fund.

Read the full article: Californians Take Advantage Of Paid Family Leave Program

Two-culture couples need to understand themselves first

People planning to marry others from another country must know themselves before they can really understand the cultures of their future mates.

So says U.S. Navy Cmdr. Manuel Mak, a Chinese-American and chaplain at the Veterans Affairs Regional Medical Center in Danville, Ill.

In Japan to share his expertise, he visited Yokosuka Naval Base and Naval Air Facility Atsugi before concluding his tour at Sasebo.

He conducted the Asian-American Diversity/Biracial Marriage and Dating Workshop on Thursday for base chaplains and program managers to help inform and counsel base personnel. A Friday workshop was for people planning a multicultural marriage.

“To succeed in such relationships and to understand the person you marry, you must first learn to know yourself through a process of developing emotional intelligence,” Mak said. “If you don’t understand how your culture has influenced your life, you can’t understand the other person.”

Read the full article: Two-culture couples get words of advice from chaplain

Rebellious teenagers often turn to grandparents first

SCOTS teenagers would rather confide in their grandparents than anyone else in their family, according to new research.

A Glasgow study found many troublesome teens see their grandparents as a non-judgmental listening ear.

While they may turn their backs on their parents and siblings for advice, teenagers run to their grandparents for help or to pour out their worries and fears.

The research was carried out by academics at the Centre for Research on Families and Relationships at Glasgow and Edinburgh universities.

It showed that as well as acting as confidantes, grandparents often act as go-betweens in family arguments.

Researcher Dr Nicola Ross, of Glasgow University, said: “Talking to teenagers and their grandparents shows the relationships can have huge benefits on both sides.

Read the full article: Why rebellious Scots kids turn to grandparents